Should I cancel the trip?

[Chick981]

I’ve booked on a whim to go abroad to an event in September. It means leaving my kids 2 and 5) for three nights, crucially during my eldest’s first week of year one (relevant as I’m worried about the reception to year one transition)

I’m really regretting booking it now and I keep worrying / feeling guilty about it in the night.

I’ve never been in a different country to my kids and never been away for three nights before so that plus the guilt around missing the first week of back to school is just making me regret it.

Wondering whether to suck it up and cancel it (I’d lose £140 for flights but could probably get a refund on event ticket) or put my big girl pants on and go ahead with it. If the flights were refundable I’d have cancelled my now but £140 is a lot of money to just waste!

Any reassurances either way welcome and yes I know I’m being over anxious/ over thinking.

Are the kids home alone?

I certainly wouldn't go away at a crucial time in my child's life unless it was for something totally unavoidable.

Who are the kids staying with? Assuming their other parent or another trusted, capable adult then go for it. Will your eldest being doing any ‘move up’ days for reception to year one this term?

I wouldn’t miss my child’s first week of a new class, no, and I’m very pro having a life of my own 😁

I would absolutely go, this is a totally normal thing to do.

I wouldn't have any qualms about this at all, assuming DC are with their DF or GP. Do you have particular concerns about the new school year?

Absolutely go. Your dc will be fine going into year 1 it is a far bigger deal for you than them, they will be just going back to school with their friends which will be exciting for them.

It all depends on who is taking charge of the children. The other parent? You could still go.

Yes other parent will be at home with them. I guess I’ve just started to hear so much around how steep the jump is from reception to year one and that’s what’s worrying me, especially as my eldest is sensitive to change so has always struggled when moving nursery rooms, to pre school etc.

They have two parents,it's absolutely fine to go .
And go you must
It's so important as a mother to not loose sight of who you are , because the years they need you are so small ,that if you don't do things for you when they then don't need you as much your lost as a person.

Are you actually missing the first day ?

Go for it! I went, as a participant, in a major international music event for 10 days (I can hear the gasps!) and my kids had a blast with their Dad. They were 2.5 and almost 5. I came home to most of my frozen dinners still in the freezer as DH discovered cooking in that time - good thing all round.

Your kids will no doubt be fine.

The critical question is whether you will be able to enjoy your event.

I think you should go and enjoy it, but only you can determine whether this is realistic.

Whatever you end up doing, don’t lose yourself totally in motherhood. Your children have two parents……. don’t become a martyr.

Just do it, you need your breaks as well. Things like this kept me sane with small children.

listen to your gut instinct. Money is only money and if it’s not some important work trip and it doesn’t feel right to be away then don’t go. You’d maybe not relax and enjoy it?
In our case it’d have been fine to go, but I know that my dc was pretty settled with friends and is used to me travelling for work. But if he’d been someone who struggled with change I’d have wanted to avoid more change than necessary. On the other hand I’m sure if you go, it’d just be a temporary wobble.

What may be right for some might not be right for others.

OP knows her own child and if she knows her child is " sensitive to change" then I dont see the point in going away at a crucial time.

Yes OP is entitled to enjoy herself outside family life but her child should come first.

There will be other opportunities for OP to enjoy her freedom but this stage in her child's life only occurs once.

As it is booked, you should go. They have another parent who can look after them. It is almost as though you think your partner is not as capable as you or is it that you are the one who would worry, not the children.
When my father sadly died, I took my mum away for a week and left DH with a 4 year old and 11 month old baby. It never crossed my mind that he couldn't manage!

If you are just worried about the £140 then consider that you will probably spend a lot more on food and drink when you are away from home. I would forget the money and decide whether you will actually enjoy the event if you are stressing about what is going on at home.

Moving from Reception to year 1 was no big deal at all for us. It's not like starting school. I would do this quite happily.

I am very up for trips away etc but I wouldn't miss the first day/week of any of my kids new school years, even now two out the three are at high school, unless it was unavoidable. Especially if they struggle with transitions etc.

If their other parent is capable I’d go.

Every school year has a first day so there's plenty more for you to be there for. I don't remember year one being any different to the rest but mine are in high school now🤷🏻‍♀️

Your kids have another parent, they will be safe, go for it! It's so unfair it's that much harder for mums to leave the kids and get a break, nobody would bat an eyelid if dad wanted to go away for 3 days

i don’t remember a steep jump with mine. It’s an adjustment to play time v sitting at a desk time. Not a reason to cancel your trip.

If your child was starting in reception I might think twice but a new school year-no, they’ll be fine. I’m a teacher so mine just had to go in. Go and have a great time.

I’ve got 2 kids older than yours and the transition from reception to test / hasn’t really been talked about in my friendship group as important. Is there something your worried about in particular?