Weird argument with DH

[joeydoesntsharefood36]

DH and I don’t have the best sleeping routine. Both wake up multiple times in the past, sometimes able to go back to sleep sometimes not.

Last night DH woke up to go to the toilet and I got woken up by the cat. He then said he had to tell me something but for me not to be embarrassed. He was skirting around the issue, not saying anything proper so I just asked him to come out with it.

He asked me to stop touching myself in bed as the movement wakes him up. I literally had no idea what he meant and I again asked for more detail. He said I masturbate in the night, I even moan softly when I finish and then I fall asleep. He assumed I was doing it to relax myself but didn’t want to mention it in case I felt embarrassed.

My first reaction was to laugh, as I don’t masturbate when he is asleep next to me. He said he assumed I was awake but could I have been doing it when I was asleep? I was laughing as I thought it was really funny, I told him this has never happened while I’m awake, perhaps I do it in my sleep but I asked for more details on how he is woken up and what noises.

He told me movement and a moan. This is where it changed for me. I wear joggers to bed and also have a vest with poppers on (like a baby fro). He said I put my poppers back on and fall asleep. Now, I physically find it impossible to put my poppers on when I am lying down. I know if I had taken them off I would never have bothered putting them back on. I would have left them unbuttoned. And they are never unbuttoned. And I always have my bottoms on when I wake up.

This is where I started getting defensive and angry and he said my reaction was everything he expected and that’s why he was wary of bringing it up for the last few months, that’s when he says he started noticing. I was getting angry, the poppers part makes me think he is lying but why would he lie. TMI but I even said to him if I had touched myself, my hands would smell and they quite clearly didn’t.

To clarify, I’ve never masturbated while he has been asleep next to me, I have no recollection of any time whatsoever. I also have a low sex drive so would have no interest in mastrubating by myself when I could just have sex with him as he is next to me!

sorry this is probably really weird but I have no one IRL I could discuss this with. Where could he be coming from with this, or could I actually be doing this in my sleep?

Mine don’t? Would the layers make things sweaty? I bath before bed.

I actually think he’s being quite manipulative and trying to make you self conscious.

I would tell him straight up to stop lying. There is no way you are doing up your poppers up in bed, they are a bitch to align when you’re standing, let alone lying down.

Can you test this somehow? There are apps that record you sleeping.

Why do you sleep in poppers? Sounds really strange. Agree with others, sounds like gaslighting.

I don't mean to brag, but I've experienced a fair few vulvas. The smell is very distinctive, even if someone has recently bathed or showered.

Very bizarre, why would you be undoing poppers rather than moving things aside, your DH is talking nonsense and I would be very concerned of his motives here.

Genuinely interested without judgement in your preference to sleep in a bodysuit and joggers. Are you subconsciously barricading yourself in?

Unless you've been drugged, taken heavy-duty sleeping pills, or drunk yourself into oblivion, wouldn't you wake if someone started touching you? I'm fairly certain I would!

I think it's probably him vaguely hearing or sensing movement from you or the cat (or both) and misinterpreting it, in his groggy, half-awake state. DH used to have a habit of periodically wiggling his foot around while sleeping, and it was surprising how much that could rock the mattress.

Give them a whiff next time.

How is he usually. I'd worry that this is gaslighting to undermine your self esteem

I second the idea of recording what's going on. He may even be doing something dodgy while you are asleep and is fishing to see if you are aware of it

It’s possible that he is dreaming it and when he wakes in the morning he genuinely believes it happens.

Dreams can be very realistic. I recently dreamt one of my dogs was blind and it was a good ten minutes after I worked up that I went to hike him close that I realised he wasn’t blind at all and was perfectly fine.

In that ten minutes of my being awake I really believe he has gone blind and has his eyes removed. It was only cuddling him and seeing him that I had minor shock.

Thanks, this does sound like that’s what’s happened between us! DH is a shift worker so used to be on nights and aaah I loved the bed to myself for half the week but now his shift pattern has changed so he no longer does full nights which means sleeping next to each other 7 days a week!

I’ve always slept in full pyjamas, will take my top off if I get too hot but will always have some kind of body top on and I find the ones with poppers comfy as they don’t ride up. I’ve never liked the feel of clothes and material on skin since being a child.

Oh come ON

you know you're not doing it. You might be reaching down there in your sleep and making noises like many people do but there's no way you're undoing your pajamas, getting yourself off, then doing them back up neatly in your sleep, all whilst managing to not get any fluid on your hands

(Those posters who think their VF doesn't have a scent need to go back to school)

I'd wager he either

Doesn't know what female masterbation is - is he naïve or a but prudish?

Is touching you and wants you to think you're doing it yourself

Is lying to make you feel like you're going mad

What's the relationship like generally? I'd be tempted to set up a camera, at least you'll know. It all sounds like bullshit, love.

A lot of women attach a weird sort of moral value to their vulvas smelling like "nothing".
I think it ties a bit into hairless, smell-less sex doll/porn culture that we are conditioned into believing is ideal.

When dating I have had men directly ask whether my vulva or vagina "smells like anything" and when I laughed I was told that it is unhealthy and should smell like the skin on the inside of your arm, no matter what.

LOL

I've never been around genitals that didn't have some smell to varying degrees, which is normal and healthy. It's also very sexy and part of intimacy.

I'm not saying PP is lying, but I do think there's a pressure to have zero smell which women internalise, however unrealistic.

When dating I have had men directly ask whether my vulva or vagina "smells like anything" and when I laughed I was told that it is unhealthy and should smell like the skin on the inside of your arm, no matter what.

Reason number 3,476 why I'm glad to be a lesbian.

This

@joeydoesntsharefood36how's it going? Any more accusations of a strange nature

Thanks for asking. Not at all. As previous poster said it was one of those middle of the night arguments, in the morning he acknowledged he was probably sleeping and dreaming about it!

People wonder Why Would He Lie? And because they themselves can't think of a 'good' reason, they believe he must be telling the truth! There will always be a reason - you just don't know what it is.