Not travelling with kids to siblings wedding after relocating

[TheTaupeGoose]

We have just finished relocating to a new town, ~100 miles from where we used to live. Our young children (2 and 4) are both still adjusting, having mini breakdowns, trying to gain control, and generally just not being their usual selves.

We are all expected to attend a close relatives wedding in 2 weeks time, 800miles from where we live. We are worried that taking the children on a massive road trip, to an unfamiliar place for what to them will be an unfamiliar day, would be overwhelming and unsettle them even further.

Does anyone have advice on helping them to settle? Would you attend the wedding, or just send one of the parents alone?

AIBU if just the sibling parent attends?

I think you should go but I understand why you don’t want to.

Your children's well being and the recent disruption to their lives from the move is more important than any wedding, no matter who it is. Do what you feel is best for them.
Anyone who objects is just self-centred.

Can the person related to the couple go alone? Are there no flights? A 1600 mile drive is wild. How many days of driving would that be?

Is there no other way to travel?

Family wedding, yes, but personally 800
miles each way with small kids? No!

But going to a family wedding with their parents? Yes I would do that.

The wedding is in 2 weeks so I presume you've RSVPd yes. You'd be pretty unreasonable to cancel now without a good reason. It sounds like you just CBA to go and are making excuses to be honest.

Interested in how you phrase it -- 'we are expected to attend a close relative's wedding'. Well, sure you are, if you RSVP'd yes. The people getting married aren't doing anything unreasonable in expecting you to attend if you said you were, especially if, as it seems, the couple includes either your or your DH's sibling.

Yes, I think you should all go.

You must have known you were moving when you accepted the invitation, presumably 100s miles away. Are there any alternative transport to ease it? They may be happy to see familiar relatives and realise they have not disappeared completely.

So you said you’d go when you were 700 miles away but now you’re 800 miles away you won’t?

800 miles is crazy, can you fly?

It’s not much help to you now, but I would never have said yes to this in the first place with kids that young (presumably it was a 700 mile road trip at least when you said yes).

I would send the parent who is the relative and apologise and buy a very nice prevent. The kids will hopefully not be too much of a lost cost, given age.

Not necessarily - I sent out invites several months before my wedding and quite possibly something unexpected has happened with jobs/health/eviction by landlord (or vice versa - OP expected to move in july after the wedding but the chain went quicker than anticipated)

800 miles away is another country no?

Or are you the US/Aus etc?

Agreed. Table plans have been printed and food ordered. Incredibly rude.

This is what happened. I RSVP before we knew we were moving. And now the kids are all over the place, and my OH doesn’t want to make them sit through a really long drive each way. I’m unsure what to do. I’m really struggling to settle too.

It would be quite rude to change your mind after having RSVP yes.
I also think that the relocation is a red herring, yes the road trip to the wedding will be long (can you fly?) but it won’t unsettle them to spend a weekend somewhere else.
Just my opinion, you know your children better of course.

"We're all expected to attend" makes it sound like a summons. "I RSVPd yes to a wedding invitation" puts a little more responsibility on you.

This might sound heartless but 2 weeks away is still a decent chunk of time, especially with such young children. You're overwhelmed right now but keep everything calm and low demand for a couple of weeks and you'll all be feeling on a much more even keel by then. My feeling is at least one of you should probably go. When it comes to it, it might be better to all go and have each other's company. Muddle through together. It will feel more achievable then than it does right now.

Also check whether kids could have a random bug or something. I've made that mistake for too many times and only realised after 5 days of hell that they were magically fixed by Calpol.

Why are you driving? Can’t you fly? Why was he ok with them travelling 700 miles but not 800?

The kids are probably unsettled because you are

Plane or train?

The kids are probably unsettled because you are
Note how OP describes it as "an unfamiliar place for what to them will be an unfamiliar day" as opposed to "an exciting day out, surrounded by the wider family".

Anyone want to take bets on it being OH's sibling and not OP's.

Honestly, I don't think any trip that involves driving 800 miles with a 2 and 4 year old is an exciting day out, even if it's Disneyland.

ETA - from the second post, it seems OP's DP doesn't want the kids to do the drive either.

The bride and groom will prefer no kids to unhappy kids who might cry, whine and be unhappy.

I think that one of the adults should go - can you fly?

Surely it’s only an extra 100 miles.

i would still go but look into flying

What are the exact logistics- what had you planned to do before you moved? Yes it’s a long way but it always was. If I’d RSVPd yes I would go unless completely impossible.

My kids were fine with decent drives provided we broke it up. Are either of the kids in school? Could you add an extra day to break the journey? Plus remember they are seeing family and friends which might also really help them gain a bit of equilibrium, plus lots of bonding with mum and dad.

Can grandparents (the side that aren't at the wedding) babysit and the two of you go?

Surely you've booked accommodation for you all now?