Not travelling with kids to siblings wedding after relocating

[TheTaupeGoose]

We have just finished relocating to a new town, ~100 miles from where we used to live. Our young children (2 and 4) are both still adjusting, having mini breakdowns, trying to gain control, and generally just not being their usual selves.

We are all expected to attend a close relatives wedding in 2 weeks time, 800miles from where we live. We are worried that taking the children on a massive road trip, to an unfamiliar place for what to them will be an unfamiliar day, would be overwhelming and unsettle them even further.

Does anyone have advice on helping them to settle? Would you attend the wedding, or just send one of the parents alone?

AIBU if just the sibling parent attends?

I'd view it as a welcome distraction from the struggle to settle.
Can you turn it into a short break?

Honestly the kids just moved house, people do it day in and day out, of course there will be a little adjustment period for them but I think it all feels a bit drama Lama
.
I think it would be a pretty poor reason to give for not attending a siblings wedding at the last minute.

That's what I was thinking.

If you'd booked a holiday for the family would you be cancelling because the children haven't settled in their new home yet? I think it's an odd excuse and would be pretty miffed if someone pulled out two weeks before for this reason.

So this is your brother or sister? (Or brother or sister in law?).
Unless you do not like them, you should definitely go. I would find it very hard to forgive a sibling who moved away and then couldn’t be bothered to come to my wedding.

I think the OP's options are 1. all 4 of them go or 2. the one who is the actual sibling goes and the other parent stays home with kids. She hasn't said none of them would go.

800 miles is a huge distance. But one assumes it was 700 miles prior to this move? how were you planning to do it originally?

I think such young children might be unsettled from the move but should settle within a few days. It's not like they've been removed from their favourite schools and their 5 best friends they've known for years.

To say no 2 weeks before is possible, but frankly, quite rude. Especially if it's a family wedding. x10 if th ereason is that your children are a bit unsettled from a move.

ETA: as someone who comes from a large country, these kind of drives ARE hard. But I assume you'd have made plans for stops in advance,and hvae booked accomodation etc. In which case, the children might enjoy the whole thing and seing family etc.

I wouldn't have considered driving 700 miles each way in the first place.
If you are / were happy to do that, then I don't think the extra 100 (even if it is an extra hundred) is here or there.

I also think seeing extended family might be nice (and reassuring) for the dc, if you phrase everything positively about how exciting it is.

Is there no different way to travel there though ?
I wouldn't drive 800 miles each way without little dc. The idea of doing it with them sounds horrific. But I would have thought about that before replying to the original invitation.

Whatever you decide, let the hosts know NOW, and don't, whatever you do, just 'not turn up'.

The settling period will take months. One trip is not going to change much long term. Go, Your sibling only gets married the once. The kids will survive.

I know every family is different, but I can’t imagine missing the wedding of a sibling - or one of DH’s siblings, for that matter - except in an actual emergency. Are there no alternatives to driving that distance?