AIBU about paying CMS on maternity leave

[Odellio]

Are we (DH and I) being unreasonable in thinking that CMS should still be paid even if non-resident parent is on maternity leave?

SC live with us, their Mum pays DH via CMS, collect and pay method because of history of non-payment. It looks like CMS have decided payments to continue on weekly basis now she is down to SMP. She has applied for reconsideration of their decision to not pay.

DH never stopped providing financially for SC when we had another child, so we don’t see why she should have to stop paying CMS. Surely if you can’t provide for your existing children, don’t have more?

We are expecting another child and again, SC will not go without from DH financially because of this. She is having full year off on maternity leave whilst I’ve had/having to keep mine to 9 months both times for us to manage financially as a family. So maybe I’m just resentful of this fact.

Your DH didn’t stop paying when you had another DC as it wasn’t your DH’s salary that got cut drastically. Hers has so it’s reasonable it’s reduced when on reduced pay.

Did you even read the post properly? DH is the one providing!

Deductions can be made from maternity pay because it is treated as earnings. Your also wrong about not being able to force her to do anything, she is on cms collect and pay so as soon as her payday comes around cms take the money automatically wether the mum says yes or no

YANBU to expect that all parents should consider whether they can afford their existing children before consciously choosing to do something that reduces their income.

It’s reasonable to judge her for not being able to continue to support her existing children before having another.
In exactly the same way I’d have a very negative opinion of a man who has more children and his support for existing children decreasing.

She can’t force her to care … or pay more than the CMS says. Or to pay more than nothing when she earns nothing.

She shouldn't have more children if she cannot afford to support those that already exist!

That's irrelevant. You wouldn't ask that if the NRP was male. You'd just accept it as typical. I'd love to have had 50/50 or frankly lately, be the NRP for a bit at least after a traumatic couple of years, but there's no way ex will have them.

The person not paying for her child is a woman in this situation.

Surely OP's step-children's mother should have stopped having children as she can't or won't look after the ones she has already got? If she can't afford to pay the reduced amount of CMS while she is on maternity leave, she shouldn't have had another DC.

@nomas I think that poster is highlighting double standards from some other posters. When a man purposely reduce their income they are slated on here.

DH never stopped providing financially for SC when we had another child, so we don’t see why she should have to stop paying CMS.

Presumably your DH didn't grow, birth and nurse a baby, but instead continued being free to work and earn?

It's really not comparable. Anyway doesn't really matter if 'you don't see why the CM should reduce', the rules are if your income drops by 25% or more you can apply for mandatory reconsideration and your payments will be based on your current income rather than the previous years tax return.

If she's on maternity leave maybe she can have the dc more so your dh can do some overtime, that's what gets suggested to mums when the fathers are reducing payments.

I also think that some people probably voted before OP clarified that the CMS payments have been re-calculated on the basis of the mother of OP's stepchildren's reduced earnings while on maternity leave so are lower than previously but the mother is appealing to pay nothing.

Granted. It’s not just him that financially provides for them in our house though when we earn comparably, realistically we both earn equally to each other and whilst most of the SC only costs are covered by DH.. I also pay for the roof over their heads, the food in the fridge and a lot of things even down to the family holidays we go on. We plan and save for my maternity leave to continue with our quality of life as best as we can.

In a ‘typical’ situation where a mother has her children from a previous relationship living with her and she has further children. She would also be growing, birthing and feeding the baby whilst still having to provide for her existing children.

Actually I don’t think the context is irrelevant at all which is why I asked the question,

Absolutely correct that I would not bother to ask if the NRP was male; there are structural differences that mean that the experiences of men and women in relation to reproduction are substantially different.
;I’m not sure why it’s so difficult for so many mumsnetters to acknowledge that very obvious reality these days but anyway 🙄..)

But plenty of people are ‘slating’ this NRP mum? And rightly so.

I would say that when a mother has another child, it's on the father to provide more for the older children, as mum isn't (paid) working she's caring for a baby. Regardless of who the new baby's father is it's your step kids sibling and therefore part of the family that you've chosen to blend into, so it's all hands on deck at this point.

Saying that, if my ex had a new baby and took extended paternity leave and stopped paying child maintenance for our child I'd be fuming too, so your feelings are valid. I try and save a lot of the child maintenance so we have a back up fund for emergencies like this.

As the child still needs feeding, clothing, transporting etc then yes. No one made her have another child or take maternity leave. She's trying to make it your problem. For clarity l would say this if it was the mum or dad

He's not the father though, my understanding is it's the affair partner she ran off with. I doubt he's thrilled by his ex mindlessly firing out more children (she doesn't appear to be able to actually afford) but he can hardly stop her

YANBU

My ex went self employed and throws me a few quid here and there when he feels like it. If he had another child I’d be fuming.

NRPs are allowed to get away with a lot and there’s little incentive for them to step up to the plate.

I think it is irrelevant. Obviously a woman having another child is more likely to drop income for the immediate mat leave etc but the principle remains that no additional children should brought into a set up if the existing ones have to then be disproportionately supported by another parent (in the cases of split household where the one picking up the slack is not consulted.) she doesn't get a special pass to do this because of biology. This is nothing to do with gender politics.

I might be wrong but I was told CMS deductions can't be made on SMP. I think that's the case for several types of deductions and SMP.

Good point @Electricbananaboat - see here, @Odellio

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-for-employers/what-counts-as-earnings

What does not count as earnings
You cannot make a deduction from any of the following:

• amounts paid by a public department of the government of Northern Ireland or any country outside the UK
• any social security pension, allowance or benefit
• tax credits
• any pension or allowance paid for disability
• guaranteed minimum pension within the Social Security Pensions Act 1975
• Statutory Maternity Pay
• Statutory Paternity Pay
• Statutory Adoption Pay
• Statutory Redundancy Pay

If any of these payments are your employee’s only income, do not make a deduction.

I said this earlier and someone was very fast to tell me I was wrong!