Ex sending DS mobility car back - guilt!

[SunsOutTodayF]

Posted about my situation before and the logistics. Separating from ex and due to move out soon. I’m the primary carer for our disabled DS who receives high rate mobility via a mobility car that soon to be ex drives.

I’ll have DS 60/70% of the time and ex will have him the rest of the time.

Ex would have used the car to drive to his work (full time) and when he had our son would have picked him up and also helped when not working by driving him to respite or appointments. Or occasionally if I took our son on a holiday would have driven him and driven him (with me) to days out (every few months maybe)

Ex has now ordered himself a new car and mobility car will go back. I’m feeling like a horrible shitty person now that he has to send the car back, I ended the marriage and I’m feeling so much guilt and shame - I don’t drive and will use the payments to pay for taxis etc but I feel so bloody guilty that ex has given the car back as it was perfect for our son. He said that I pressured him to and told him that keeping it was not an option. I don’t know if I’ve made the right choice.

Why do I feel so shitty now? Ex said everyone he worked with couldn’t understand why he couldn’t keep the car? Everyone I have spoken to said that he needs to give it up apart from my parents.

I’ve also received a small amount of help to set up a new place due to my sons needs and being a carer but I now feel money grabbing and like I don’t deserve any help 😢

OP, against the rules for ex to use the car apart from when your DS needs to be driven somewhere.

It's an old thread but that is not true. Any journey has to benefit the child but they do not have to be in the vehicle.

OP said "Ex would have used the car to drive to his work (full time)" that's what I meant - he shouldn't have been using the mobility car for that.

Actually you are wrong. It absolutely can be used by parents for driving to work.

He’s absolutely done the right thing sending the car back
you can’t drive and he needs a car to get to work ( that isn’t what a mobility car is for)

yes he was quick out the blocks ordering new car but the can take months to arrive

Sounds as if the car would have gone with you, if you could drive, as you would be his main carer. It’s your son’s transportation and irrespective of what’s occurred between you and your husband, he still needs to get about.

If that person lives at the same address

Not wishing to put the boot in when you're feel8ng down but i agree with this.

Because it's not a child's responsibility to pay for their parents transport! The dad would have to get to work wether or not he had a disabled child, or no child at all.

The mobility part of DLA is to help the disabled person get around, not to help a parent they don't live with get to work. The amount the child's money been spent on the car lease (£77/week), is also probably more them the NRP pays in maintenance anyway (unless they are very high earning, in which case they can afford their own car). The child will benefit more from having his disability benifit spent on him.

Your ex couldn't keep the car and use it to commute, that is not within motability guidelines. He is just trying to make you feel bad because you are separating. He may have been a nice, decent guy beforehand but he won't be now. Don't feel guilty, you need to advocate for your son - even if that means arguing against his dad.

I suspect this is why he's rushed ahead and made the purchase now, while it's coming out of the combined marital assets, not in a few months, when the money would be coming out of just his share.

Did he by any chance buy it outright when he might otherwise have leased, and maybe brought a brand new or higher spec car then was needed?

No they don’t need to be at the same address that’s how carers can use a disabled persons car. Motability to usually fit a tracker in those instances .

A parent can use a car to commute as the work benefits the disabled child.

No, he didn’t buy a new car and we definitely don’t have a large amount of savings! It was a lease car through his work but he has loudly complained in front of our kids how crappy the new car is. He encourages them to call it the “crap car” and is still bitter that I took his car away. He makes out that I’m basically rolling in it now that I claim our sons DLA 🙄

You did the right thing. That money is about getting you son from A to B. If your son is only with you husband 30% of the time, then however that money's used, 70% of it needs to be used by you or your son at yours. If neither you nor your son drive, then all the money being used on a Motability care fails to achieve
that.

Only if that parent lives at the same address as the child

He will just have to get used to the crap car. You have done the right thing.

When I grew up nearly everyone drove crap cars and we all survived. Unless your dc needs special disabled adjustments for the car, your dh hasn’t really anything to complain about.