I cant pull myself together.

[LittleGoldOne]

A recent betrayal has broken my world apart and im struggling to even get out of bed. Im angry at them and im more angry at myself for always being the kind and passive one that people think they can take advantage of.

i feel sick to my stomach 24 hours a day. Crying every minute that im awake. Its playing like a film in my head and its also made me remember previous behaviours of people where I have always ended up the loser. Im half furious and want to smash something but then it would be me cleaning up so i dont even bother.

i feel devestated and stupid and so fuckjng angry.

why do the shittest people live so well and im here crying over them.

That sounds very painful. This tidal wave of grief and anger will pass OP. Let it out for now.

Beat the hell out of a pillow if you need to release rage.

The pain almost feels physical. And piecing things together. Imagining them smug thinking 'yeah ha got away with that, LittleGoldOne hasnt got a clue' is making me so angry i cant even explain.

Ah I'm sorry OP. Sounds tough.

My advice - stop trying to pull yourself together. Let go. Express your hurt and anger to the fullest. Sob, scream, rant and keep going every day until it's all out of your system.

This isn't your fault. You didn't deserve to be betrayed and mistreated. Don't turn the anger on yourself. Don't ask anything of yourself except to allow the feelings to rage through your system.

Drink plenty of water. Sleep as much as you can. Make many spells to cast upon the people who hurt you.

It will pass and you will come out the other side. Sending you strength.

How long has it been op?

2 months but the furthest goes back 14 years, was left for another woman when I was pregnant which I actually just got on with. Couldnt see it and had a baby so just got on with it. But the recent one has triggered the old one and i feel pathetic. I have single handedly raised a son alone with no contribution, hasnt met him. He's happily married and im alone dealing with someone else whos taken advantage of me. I actually dont even want to be here anymore.

they've all done things to me i wouldnt dream of doing to them and they're happy and im not. Why does it work out like this? I didnt deserve any of these things.

Are the feelings you're experiencing getting worse/ have they got worse over the 2 months?

Stay here OP - we need all the good people we can get. The ones who don’t betray, who stick around, who raise their kids with commitment and consistency 🩷

agree with PP let rip your emotions

rather than smash things up , beat up a cushion or the like

actually going for a short fast run can be really helpful

then try to work out if it’s you - did you ignore warning signs because of low self esteem for example - or just bad luck

Its the piecing things together thats getting me. Knowing that these betrayals took effort - more effort than was being put into me. People laughing at me. Knowing they had one up on me. Getting away scot free with horrible things because i didnt think they were capable of it. I feel humiliated and its getting to the point i feel bitter and jealous of people who have what i dont.

You haven't lost a good person, you've seen through the act of a horrible person. You now have the opportunity to hopefully find a good person, if this hadn't happened then you'd be wasting your time with someone who doesn't deserve you.
Try going for a walk for 20 minutes today, put some music or a podcast on and get out of the house for a bit.

I completely get where you’re coming from. My life has been utterly destroyed and my future will be a pretty grim one, whilst they live the life of Reilly.

It still tears its head from time to time and I carry a lot of anger, zero trust in the world and zero trust in people.

I'm sorry you've been through this - at times like this it's always worth remembering that you would never do this and never treat another person this way. This makes you an infinitely better and more valuable person than those who mistreated you.

They're happy because they pursued happiness at all cost - even at the cost of others, unfortunately.

Living to make others happy will rarely make you happy. Just them.. And they're already working on making themselves happy (obviously).

I'm not saying that you should be a scumbag liar and cheat who completely lacks integrity and completely disregard other people's feelings, but maybe take a leaf out of their books in the sense of putting yourself first. Pursue your own happiness, even if it's not ideal for someone else (as long as it isnt cruel to them).

To be happy, you need to create it. They did, that's why they're happy.

Best revenge is living well.

But there feels like theres no value in the way i am. It just simply has not and will not work out while the worst people i know are happy as can be.

The pain will pass, the devastating impact will fade over time, take care of yourself. I am sorry that you are feeling crap.
They're not worth it.

Look up the stages of grief. They apply to many situations of loss, not just bereavement. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to get angry. Take up kickboxing! Get yourself a journal and write down all your feelings of anger and hurt and betrayal. Get them out of your head and written down, then, in a few weeks, burn the lot.
Sending you positive vibes.

Stop telling yourself this story. Of course you can be happy.

The real story is that you were treated horribly and unjustly and you are RAGING FURIOUS ANGER about it - as you should be. That anger tells you something - that deep down you know you're worth more, that you deserve better, that what they did to you was wrong and abusive.

Express your anger and stop turning it against yourself. It's there to protect you. It's a part of you that loves you and wants more for you. Honour that. Rage and scream and cry it all out.

You will emerge stronger. But if you keep telling yourself that you can't be happy, that there's something wrong with your way of doing things, that you are weak and they are strong - well, you will weaken yourself and make recovery so much harder.

I felt exactly the same last Saturday OP ❤️

Also bear in mind @LittleGoldOne , that no one is a happy as they appear. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

But most importantly, I'm getting from this, is that if at all possible you need to stop thinking about these people if you can. I douvt they are gloating about you, the fact is they are overwhelmingly likely not to thinking about you at all. Don't let them live rent-free in your head. Easier said than done, I know.

Ooh yes, writing is very very good for expressing anger. Rage on the page! You could write letters to them about what nasty pathetic scumbags they are (don't send them though!) Write about how you want them to suffer. Writing out your feelings really helps.

I cant comprehend how someone who left s woman 11 days before her due date is happily married and travelling the world with the woman he left me for, while i am now applying for lunch bursarys for my kid and explaining that all families are different and dont always have a dad.

I dont get how someone i adored has betrayed me in such a disgusting way and has had weeks to apologise of acknowledge me and just hasnt. I feel like a bit of shit on the floor.

💐

I am reading everyone replies and advice, i just feel highly emotional atm so cant really apply it right now

I was about to do an attention seeking post on Facebook OP but luckily talked myself out if it