New boyfriend liking girls provocative photos on instagram

[Custardcreams25]

Met someone 2 months ago and he’s asked me to be his girlfriend. I did think it may be too soon and was concerned I might be a rebound (separated from wife for 1 year and currently divorcing) but I’m divorced myself and know how long the process takes so thought I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. He seems lovely and we get on like a house on fire.

Last night I had a niggling thought to check his instagram and who he follows (I know). However my last two long term partners cheated on me and I found out they were on dating apps during the relationship so I do have trust issues.

I noticed he follows a lot of woman from our area who I know from my clubbing days. Didn't think much at first. However I clicked on one of their profiles and shes very beautiful. Lots of scantily dressed photos and he has liked a selfie one of her posing in her bikini yesterday. There was a few other woman’s provocative photos who he has liked the last few days. The woman don’t follow him back bar one.

AIBU to be pissed off? It’s really given me the ick especially as he was at mine this weekend where I cooked and we slept together. The same day he’s been liking these photos. It doesn’t help he’s almost 10 years older than me and these woman look like they’re in their early twenties.

I’m meant to be seeing him tomorrow but this has given me a sour taste in my mouth and I don’t think I want to anymore. Any advice appreciated!

Go with your gut. If he's given you the ick this early on it won't get better. x

If you’ve got the ick only two months in, what advice is there to give?

It’s only been two months, you can end it because he eats spaghetti weird, you don’t need to justify it at this stage. It would give me the ick too though if that helps.

Thanks for your replies thats what I’m thinking. My XH did the same and I stupidly have him the benefit of the doubt but he went on to cheat.

I’m not sure whether to mention anything or just end it. He lives down the road from me so it’s going to be hard to avoid him in the future.😫

Much better to end things with him early in the relationship.

You dont need to give a reason.

Do you really need to avoid him after you've broken up? You have nothing to be ashamed of and given his interest in these other women he will no doubt move on to somebody else. Then he will be their problem.

You don't owe him a long explanation at this point. It wouldn't go well and there's no need. Letting him down gently seems like the easiest way for everyone.

It would give me the ick too. He's not a keeper!

You’re both right. I’m not sure how to write about ending things to him (I’ve been single a long time so out of sorts). We were on the phone an hour last night and he was saying how he couldn’t wait to see me tomorrow. After this I definitely don't want to see him tomorrow so gonna have to text him today ending things.

I gave up dating a long time ago but really did feel like I was falling for him. Just feel so deflated.

It won’t get better OP.

I’ve been where you are and struggle with trust issues and a man like this will trigger you, often your gut instinct will kick in and you’ll run yourself in circles trying to work out why. The fact you felt compelled to check his instagram tells you that you weren’t wrong.

Some might say “hes just liked a photo or two” but these women don’t follow him back so they’re not friends, and I can pretty much guarantee that if he’s liked their photos he’ll have sent them messages too.

Ive been there with my ex, and I saw the signs early and didn’t walk away when I should have. And ultimately what came out at the end was much worse and far more painful. Save yourself the time and heartache now x

OP, I would be honest with him. Are you certain you want to end things though? This might be a good time to say this is my boundary and I won’t accept you doing this. If he is willing, then could you make it work? I can understand how this have you the ick though and not sure if I could get over it.

I asked Chat GPT to compose a break up text for you… light, friendly and nothing too deep

Hey [Name], I’ve been giving things some thought and I just wanted to be honest with you. You’re lovely, but I’ve realised I’ve got a lot going on in my life right now, and I don’t feel we’re quite compatible in the way I hoped. I think it’s best to step back from things here. I really wish you all the best — you deserve someone who’s totally aligned with you.

"I notice in Instagram you follow and like a lot of pictures of women, that's not really something I'm comfortable with so I think it's best we end things here. I wish you the best for the future."

Then block perhaps to avoid getting into a pointless drawn out discussion about it. He may try to beat you down and make you accept it, but you don't have to.

Ick. He wants to play the field.
Don't waste your time with him.

It's natural to feel deflated but you were in the first throes of a relationship with all the hormones. Those are wearing off and you're starting to see the real him now.

Ending it won't be easy but it's probably best to be direct. Something like...

• It's been fun but it's not working for me. I can't see us being together long term so it's best if we don't see each other any more.

I'm not the best wordsmith but you get the idea.

I agree with half of this post! Don't get into questions.
But I don't see the need to get into the reasons.

There is so much variety for men with a roaming eye. Very hard to find one that is worth trusting.
They do exist, toss this one back in the sea.
Don't be disheartened.

Thanks so much for all of your replies and advice. Looking back I think he’s definitley been lovebombing me and using me as a rebound. He wanted me to meet his dc which I have not as I thought it’s far too early. Very relieved he hasn’t met mine either!

Being ‘pissed off’ at this is an unhelpful emotion and a waste of your time. Disappointing yes, but he’s simply beneath what should be your standards and a sleaze. Good luck to him, who needs crap like that from a man you’ve known for 2 months.

I would absolutely break up with someone who does this, and I would tell him why.

Other women will tell you you’re unreasonable or even controlling, but that’s their opinion. I will always find that behaviour grim and disrespectful

Doesn’t matter if he’d cheat or not, it’s sleazy. Bin him off.

I’m glad it’s not just me. I didn’t know if I was overreacting but I really find it grim. The fact these local ladies bar one do not follow him back means they’re clearly not innocent friends. He’s messaged his usual good morning message but I’ve not replied yet.

I only ever seem to attract these type of men. 😩 I need to stay single and work on my boundaries.

I wouldn’t bother telling him you saw who he’d been liking on Instagram. Why give him the opportunity paint you as a jealous stalker (his type always do!)

Silence is power in the situation, end it in a pleasant tone and leave him to be confused about why you’ve done it. Nothing you say will ever change him anyway, but it’s nice be one step ahead of men like this. He’ll likely try and lovebomb and hoover you back so just keep your wits about you, I know how hard it is meeting someone when you have children and how disappointing it is when it doesn’t work out. But I spent 18 months dating someone like this and my the end my anxiety was sky high and my self esteem in tatters.

Thanks for your reply @mirroryourlife 😊You're right he probably would love the satisfaction of knowing I’m jealous and pissed off. My replies today have been very generic and I’ve stopped putting any heart emojis. I think he’s got the message as his have became generic too. Probably back on the dating apps already thats if he was ever off them haha. I’ll send him a polite message ending it later today.

I will never understand these men. He was the one pursuing me and I didn’t make him wait for doing the deed (sigh) as I was quite happy with a casual thing when we first met.

Today is the first time I’ve had that horrible pit feeling in my stomach since I was with my ex who used to do the same. I’m much better off single. I’ll just need to buy a toy to satisfy my needs instead!

Nah, I’d tell him exactly why I was dumping him, but then block him so he can’t minimise what he’s done.

its a double ick: him horn-dogging these pictures and then that they don’t even follow him
back. Desperate.

@HiddenInCubeOfCheese honestly part of me wants too but I think he’d get an ego boost. I did a little digging just before and the woman who he liked the photo of yesterday follows his ex (but she doesn’t follow him back 😂). Just a complete and utter turn off. What a fool I am falling for this type again! I genuinely thought he seemed lovely.

On one hand, I think: “so what if he gets an ego boost? Why do we care what the guy thinks?”. Another part of me thinks: “the guy gets an ego wank liking girls’ photos and they don’t know he even exists!”

That said, you could have your cake and eat it with: “hey, <insert dumping language> because I just can’t be with someone that likes girls’ photos on social media. It’s too embarrassing to be associated with that. All the best!”

You’re not a fool at all, btw.