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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pay to attend a wedding

41 replies

Queenofbiscuits · 09/06/2025 22:50

I’m invited to a destination wedding (lasting 4 days). I have chosen to stay at the hotel next door to the one where the wedding is happening, as i have a loyalty scheme with them and get discounted rates.

I have since found out that I am expected to pay to attend the wedding events if I’m not staying in the hotel (this will be £260 on top of the £900 I’m already paying to stay in the hotel for 4 nights). I believe this is because their hotel is all inclusive. I think this is ludicrous of the hosts, why invite me to your wedding if I have to pay to attend because I’ve chosen a different hotel?

this has left a sour taste and I’m now tempted to not go, but what should I tell the bride?

OP posts:
DiligentStrawberry · 09/06/2025 22:52

Wow that is extraordinary. YANBU at all.

What exactly are you paying for?

babystarsandmoon · 09/06/2025 22:53

Would it not be cheaper to stay at the wedding hotel?

caringcarer · 09/06/2025 22:53

The bride and groom should be paying to host their wedding. I wouldn't go. They are ripping their guests off.

BeenzManeenz · 09/06/2025 22:54

What are the wedding events? Do you mean the actual wedding itself? Is there room to compromise what events you attend?

Was it made clear to you ahead of time you should stay in a particular hotel? Did they give specific instructions, or let you know after the fact?

It seems a bit off to me, from the info you've given us. I wouldn't be very happy about it. It just seems a bit odd tbh.

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 09/06/2025 23:00

So the bride and groom are not paying anything towards their wedding apart from their own ‘bed and board’? 😨 Guests are literally funding their entire wedding 🤯

MrsPositivity1 · 09/06/2025 23:00

That is just desperate, why should you have to stay at the ‘wedding hotel’

Vaxtable · 09/06/2025 23:05

I wouldn’t be going. I would just tell them the truth, that as you are not saying on site you can’t afford the fee for attending their wedding as well so won’t be going

Gemmawemma9 · 09/06/2025 23:05

This is mental! Did the bride tell you this herself? What was your reaction?

bubbletubble · 09/06/2025 23:07

It’s probably the hotel that’s charging this (albeit the bride and groom should pick up the cost!). We got invited to a destination wedding a couple of years ago and thought we could turn this into a holiday for ourselves so looked at nearby hotels as I didn’t fancy spending a whole week with the bride and groom and all their guests who were basically staying in the hotel for the entire week they were getting married. We were told if we booked somewhere else the hotel charges day guests £90 per day per person to enter the hotel - needless to say we didn’t attend the wedding!

sheknowsitstoolate · 09/06/2025 23:07

Say that the whole thing is fucking ridiculous and most normal people can’t afford that so you won’t be going.

beetr00 · 09/06/2025 23:08

context is everything @Queenofbiscuits

If a sibling wedding, I'd probably just swallow the cost.

Anyone else, probably not.

ChompandaGrazia · 09/06/2025 23:09

That’s dreadful. They should say that on the invitation or be prepared to suck up the cost. I’d cancel if I could.

Gundogday · 09/06/2025 23:09

That’s ridiculous. You shouldn’t have to pay, 💰

ladyofshertonabbas · 09/06/2025 23:10

That is sneaky… wedding funded by the guests on the down low.

IReallyLoveItHere · 09/06/2025 23:11

I can see how this would happen if they're basically taking advantage of the all inclusive nature so 'day before wedding drinks' just means they've roped off a section of the bar (prob for free). If it was a normal hotel I'd imagine the bride and groom would pay for the first round then you'd buy your own drinks so paying a small amount would be reasonable.

How many events are there?

Do you have to pay to go to the actual wedding, meal, reception? That would be appalling. Would mean everything is included in the AI and they've spent nothing on the wedding, cheeky fuckers!

Gingercar · 09/06/2025 23:13

A lot of all inclusive hotels have day passes for people to pay to use the facilities for the day. I expect that’s what you’re being charged for? It seems a bit off if you’re just going to be at a wedding. And surely you only need to go to the hotel for the actual wedding day, not the rest of the days? Or were you expecting to be able to just go in and spend time with them?

LilacPony · 09/06/2025 23:14

I’d be really shocked by that.
say the £900 is your max budget and you didn’t realise you’d have to pay to attend

Viviennemary · 09/06/2025 23:14

Crazy. Don't go.

Changingplace · 09/06/2025 23:26

That’s shit, I know all inclusive hotels charge a day fee for non residents but the bride & groom should be covering this.

I assume they’re planning on using the all inclusive drinks & meal options for the wedding, so effectively not actually paying any of it themselves. Cheap & nasty of them, can you get a refund if you cancel?

FiendsandFairies · 09/06/2025 23:33

So many of these wedding threads are just bizarre. It’s now like ordinary people decide to get to live like kings for three to four days, funded by as many people as they could reasonably invite! Just no!!

Nosuchthing2025 · 10/06/2025 02:42

Don't go. Any excuse is fine. When you choose a destination wedding you accept that people cannot always attend.

ttcat37 · 10/06/2025 03:21

You don’t have to tell her anything, just RSVP that you’re not attending. If you plan a wedding abroad it’s very self absorbed to expect anybody to spend hundreds to attend.

Lavenderandbrown · 10/06/2025 03:28

Agree with @ttcat37. And I would think long and hard and check my budget twice before attending a destination wedding. I along with dc attended a destination wedding May 24 and barely saw or spoke to the bride and groom or their parents or grandparents. I had great time with my dc and my dsis and dbil but I won’t do it again. Too expensive too little notice of me even being there and no opportunity for celebrating with them.

RickiRaccoon · 10/06/2025 05:37

I wouldn't ever pay to attend a wedding out of principle. That's poor hosting/ planning by the couple and it should've been made clear in the info included with the invite.

I think it's fine to just give your apologies without explanation. If asked, you can say it's not in your budget at the time. They can't have a destination wedding, especially one where there's a charge to some for attendance, and not expect a bunch of people not to be able to make it.

JustMyView13 · 10/06/2025 06:08

I actually think this is CF of the hotel. My friend had a destination wedding, and the amount she paid the hotel also didn’t cover guests from outside. The guests at the wedding lost their entitlement to meals that day too so everything was fed to them at the wedding instead based on the couples food choices. I honestly don’t understand how they get away with it. Surely if you’re paying for a wedding, you’re paying for a wedding. It kinda put me off destination weddings.