Pay to attend a wedding

[Queenofbiscuits]

I’m invited to a destination wedding (lasting 4 days). I have chosen to stay at the hotel next door to the one where the wedding is happening, as i have a loyalty scheme with them and get discounted rates.

I have since found out that I am expected to pay to attend the wedding events if I’m not staying in the hotel (this will be £260 on top of the £900 I’m already paying to stay in the hotel for 4 nights). I believe this is because their hotel is all inclusive. I think this is ludicrous of the hosts, why invite me to your wedding if I have to pay to attend because I’ve chosen a different hotel?

this has left a sour taste and I’m now tempted to not go, but what should I tell the bride?

I wouldn't pay that OP.

The only thing I can think it is would be that they have paid for exclusive use of the hotel ie all the rooms as well and they are recouping this cost by getting people who stay to pay for their room but this doesn't explain why you'd pay if you're not staying there.

As to what to tell the bride I'd say "I would love to attend your wedding but I'm spending X on flights and Y on a hotel and I don't have the budget to spend another £260 to attend."

It’s the cost of a day pass to the hotel. It’s probably nothing to do with the wedding.

Have you posted this before? Because I'm certain I've read very similar on MN.

I think it's really cheeky to expect guests to pay. If they want you there they should pay the day pass.

The bride is in on the scam, she gets a cheaper wedding at your expense, so don’t worry about her.

Who told you about the £260 extra?

If the hotel is demanding guests pay a day pass to attend a wedding then that’s a racket.

Why do you need to pay though? Surely they're not sending all the guests to the AI buffet?

When I got married over 30 years ago, my aim was relaxed elegance. I had a couture dress and the wedding party men wore morning dress. There was one invitation - the wedding and reception which included a sit down dinner. I had one bridesmaid - my husband's sister. There was no mucking about with hen nights, flower girls, gift bags, separate evening guests and so on. I wouldn't have dreamt of charging people. I wanted people we liked and loved to come and enjoy our day with us - not charge them for it. My father had the early stages of Alzheimer's but he was still able to walk me down the aisle and say all the appropriate things.

We got married in the city where my husband's family lived and where I'd lived for the last ten or so years. Most people who travelled just stayed with other family members who were attending the wedding. We only had a gift list after innumerable queries about gifts and there was absolutely no pressure to buy any particular gift and we made sure there was a wide price range so nobody would feel embarrassed about their choice. I'm not quite sure what we'll ever do with the Wedgewood teapot but you never know! (In fact, every time I see it on the shelf I think fondly about the lovely aunt of my husband who gave it to us.)

I think the wedding with guests subsidising the wedding by staying at a particular hotel sounds quite tacky.

I wouldn’t go. I would politely decline, ‘unfortunately I am unable to attend’ type answer, wish them well, move on.

Because clearly the B&G are paying for the wedding room and not much more.

If the AL guests are eating and drinking at the wedding, they aren't eating elsewhere in the hotel.
So in effect the B&G aren't paying for food or drink for anyone but themselves.

Was this explained on the invite? The couple should be paying for each guest to attend if they are staying at a different hotel

Are the B&G trying to be cheap by expecting guests to eat and drink at the all inclusive instead of having a wedding meal? I’ve been to some great All inclusives but unless it’s 5 star it’s unlikely to be anything as nice and formal as a wedding party.

It’s the cost of the AI hotel day pass. I married abroad however we didn’t use the AI or ‘free’ food we paid for a 3 course meal then a bbq in the evening so I wouldn’t assume the bride and groom are scamming their guests as some are suggesting. I did have a few guests stay at different hotels and I of course paid for their day pass. It sounds as though she wants you at the hotel for the 4 days hence the cost but I really don’t known why that’s needed. I’d just attend on the actual wedding day and ask if they will be providing the wrist band.

Whatever the reason, it’s unacceptable for have to pay to attend a wedding, once you have paid to travel and stay.

I would refuse to go. Depending on my relationship with the bride and groom, I would either tell the truth or make up some vague excuse.

My wedding 25y ago was a no fuss affair, and the focus was on the guests’ enjoyment and comfort. No ostentation or diva behaviour. Just celebrating with all the people we loved. I really hope the tide turns back to that when my kids get married.

Is this America? I think people there pay to take the whole hotel and then there are charges levied for people who don’t use the “wedding package”. The bride and groom should ideally suck up that cost though but can see if they are already shelling out a fortune they won’t want to do that.

In defence of the bride and groom a lot of wedding hotels will try and sell you packages that save money while passing costs on to guests and make it sound like it's something normal that everyone does.

That said it's not a reasonable thing to ask if you as a guest and I wouldn't be happy to pay to attend a wedding beyond my own travel and accommodation.

This 💯