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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by baby clinic?

33 replies

wonderstuff · 22/05/2008 14:56

Dont know hy i go, apparently i am making a rod for my own back by 'allowing' dd to turn over on changing mat and i should be telling her to stay still, she is 6 mo, i'm pretty sure she doesn't understand stay still, i really think they should keep advice to whats asked for. anyway i cant do anything about her lack of sleep until 7 months and co sleeping is another bad habit, she wakes every 2 hours, i cant remember the last time i slept well, i dont know why i mentioned it, just slipped out, really wanted her to say well just do what ever you need to.. thank god i bf because her weight is up the graph and i know she was about to tell me im over feeding.. am i tired and emotional or is this not supportive, i always leave feeling stupid

OP posts:
suwoo · 22/05/2008 14:58

Wow, that all tumbled out in a rush didn't it...calm down! Its widely known on here that health visitors are next to useless particularly with anything that isn't text book. Don't worry- you know best, always remember that.

edam · 22/05/2008 14:59

Sod the lot of them, I think making mothers feel stupid is part of the bloody job description! How the hell are you supposed to stop a baby turning over, fgs?!

You don't have to go at all, btw.

Original poster
wonderstuff · 22/05/2008 15:02

Not just me then, I couldn't believe she was telling me to tell my 6mo to stay still and expect a response! I couldn't believe it was deemed unacceptable for a baby to wriggle whilst being changed! I know I don't have to go but I was hoping for some constructive advice to help her sleep, i should have known better really.

OP posts:
uberalice · 22/05/2008 15:02

wonderstuff you're doing fine. My ds is 18 months and there's nothing I can do to stop him turning over on his changing mat - apart from physically holding him down. Health visitors and the like are all crazy. Ignore ignore ignore.

vermilion · 22/05/2008 15:07

Health visitors are just pointless where new parents are concerned. If you do a search on here, you'll find all kinds of heinous crimes-against-tired-mothers they have committed. It would be funny if they didn't upset so many women, directly scupper chances of breastfeeding, spout crap about sleeping and eating that is unprofessional etc.
Don't go any more! Lots of 2 time parents bypass HVs as much as possible once they realise what rot they tend to serve up.
Co-sleeping btw is how most of the world sleeps (in industrialised countries too, Japan for example). If you start a thread about how to deal with it, there will be lots of support, it's quite popular on MN.
I bet the co-sleeping has really helped the breastfeeding too, well done you.

mumoftwo37 · 22/05/2008 15:08

When my DS was little he was a chubby baby. He was BF and having solids at 4 months (which you did back then.) One day an obese HV visited - she took up all the space on my 2 seater sofa and started lecturing about how DS was gping to have heart problems. I just said to her take a look in the mirror and F**k off out my house.
I hated baby clinics and hardly ever went - I think HV ought to try remembering what it is actually like to have had hardly any sleep for months before they open their mouths!
Wonderstuff you are doing brilliantly - keep it up.

Original poster
wonderstuff · 22/05/2008 15:10

I knwe you'd all make me feel better, actually crying now, go i'm so tired, deep breath, its just a stage, i will get sleep one day

OP posts:
Original poster
wonderstuff · 22/05/2008 15:11

rather god i'm so tired..

OP posts:
Izzywhizzy · 22/05/2008 15:16

My approach when dealing with HV is to give my name, rank and serial number. I don't EVER volunteer any information and NEVER NEVER ask for advice. That's what MN is for

quint · 22/05/2008 15:18

Wow fancy a 6mo not laying still and doing what they told!!!!!! I wonder what planet some of these women are on and if they've ever had children!

I remember on bitch told me that the shortened name of DD1 (which I called her) wasn;t nice and she much prefered a different shortened version! Of course what I should of said is Fuck off you dried up old witch, but obviously I didn;t!

savoycabbage · 22/05/2008 15:23

I can't believe that a hv actually had an opinion on something. Mine ONLY says 'well they're all different'. Like a really crappy robot.

I do what Izzywhizzy does.

Original poster
wonderstuff · 22/05/2008 15:23

Quint thats what upset me, that i smiled and said oh really rather than 'are you mad?'

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ksld · 22/05/2008 15:23

Wonderstuff just wanted to say yes you are tired and emotional - I found the lack of sleep built up so much that by the time DS was 7-8 months (and other Mums were telling me 'LO sleeps 6 hours'!) I was so tired I cried at everything, my brain was mush, and I couldn't stand up for or believe in myself and my abilities as a Mum. What I am trying to say is that YOU know your child, you are doing brilliantly if she is gaining weight and you are BF, and she is rolling around too. Don't expect any more of yourself or your DD.

It is soooo hard when they don't sleep, but it will end and honestly you will forget what it was like being so tired. Remember the advice you had when DD was small - sleep in the day if she naps, ask friends for help, take time to pamper yourself, and try not to think as you put her down 'I'll be up again in 2 hours' as that always made me stay awake waiting! Good Luck.

brightongirldownunder · 22/05/2008 15:40

My HV's loved the Rod for Own Back phrase. In the end I said it for them most of the time, so that they couldn't gloat. I'm sure in the world there are a handful of good ones but I never had a good HV.
Just go and get DD weighed when you need to, chat to a few mums (you'll get more sense from them) and go home, happy that you're breastfeeding, bubs is obviously v.healthy and she's mobile. Well done you!
I agree with ksid - it will end. Focus on looking after you, as bubs is obviously fine.
Ive been looking at shots of me with my DD at about the same age - i looked dreadful and I have to blame a lot on the paranoia that I developed from being told by HVs that everything I was doing was wrong, when I had a chubby happy bubs, who coslept and was breastfed and now at the fine old age of 13 months is such a healthy poppet (sorry - getting emotional...what a sop). So blah blah blah to them all!
And at least your stays on the mat - DD tonight got up off it, crawled across the bed and smeared doo doo allover our clean sheets. My mum always told me that once they're able to stand, change them that way, much quicker!

Greedygirl · 22/05/2008 15:49

Hi Wonderstuff (sarahloumadam here)! Sorry you are having a crapola time made worse by useless baby clinic. There is no way on earth that a 6 month old can understand and respond to a command like "stay still!". What a load of bollocks.

First time I went to baby clinic about DS's skin I left fuming and feeling like an idiot. I tried to explain that I was only using water, non-bio wash powder etc but the HV just talked over me and told me everything I already knew grrrrrr! I tend to avoid it now. I went last week to ask them about BLW (must have been bored ) and they didn't have a clue what I was on about.

Oh well, thank god for mumsnet. BTW my DS is also at the top of the graph for weight and also bfed.

YANBU - as health professionals they should recognise a tired, stressed out mum when they see one and offer some support and TLC!

vicky1985 · 22/05/2008 16:02

some health visitors are bonkers!
one told me babies dont teethe at 3 months when i told her dd2 was she looked at me like i was a silly little girl.

Whenn dd2 had her last check the health visitor said she was too fat and i should make her exercise she was 8 months btw and she said her head is too small and what did i have to say about that?

i just said oh!!!!!!

samsonthecat · 23/05/2008 13:58

A very wise health visitor told me on her very first visit with DD1 "always remember that you are your babys expert".
She has since retired but that is the one and only useful piece of advice that I have ever been given.

Pheebe · 23/05/2008 16:38

never ceases to amaze me the daft things that seem to fall out of hvs mouths sometimes. seems to be sheer luck if you find a decent one or not. ours is ok but even she has said some jaw droppingly dumb stuff on occassion, and contradicts herself frequently. amazing really as she has kids of her own. but i suspect its because of all the crap guidelines that keep getting changed and updated that they have to spout.

as a second time mum i've seen her a total of twice since ds12 was born and now realise just how dumb (or irrelevant to us) alot of the advice she gave was first time round.

Original poster
wonderstuff · 23/05/2008 18:36

Thanks girls, feeling much better for your support. Vicky I've been reliably informed by my mum i got my first tooth at 3mo! Thank goodness for mumsnet

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VacantlyPretty · 23/05/2008 18:44

Message withdrawn

Original poster
wonderstuff · 23/05/2008 18:48

Ha ha ha to bath and early night!

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quint · 23/05/2008 19:09

The best thing to do is tell them you breasfeed, baby sleeps through the night in their own room after settling themselves and they're in a good but not rigid routine. HV will then you're amazing and tell you so, then whether you do all the above or not having someone tell you what a wonderful job you are doing you will feel very pleased with yourself!!!

amidaiwish · 23/05/2008 19:13

why exactly are you going??

VacantlyPretty · 23/05/2008 19:16

Message withdrawn

pinata · 23/05/2008 20:13

grrrrrr - HVs. ignore the lot of them

mine asked me if DD "has a bit of a temper" because she dared to cry in their stupid room after a 2 hour wait and me getting called halfway through feeding her

oh, and DD is fat (only 2% of babies are fatter than yours, pinata, don't you know)and will be ill with heart problems, just like mumoftwo37.

just stop going. they told me come back in 2 weeks - like hell. they're not seeing me again - if i feel like making myself cry i'll watch Titanic, thanks