Ever heard of someone being given a bonus for their partner's '𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧'?

[BlackbeakQueen]

I've just seen this on Linked In - and I am not sure how I feel about this. Is it cringy? is it discriminatory against single people? Is it patronising? or is it a nice thing to do?

Ever heard of someone being given a bonus for their partner's '𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧'?

I hadn't.

But a few weeks ago I had a conversation with an HR Director who talked to me about exactly that and I’ve not stopped thinking about since!!

At the end of his time with one organisation, he was given a bonus in recognition of his work (fairly standard).

But what stood out was this: his wife was given one too.

A thank you for her 'silent contribution'.

When he asked what that meant, his boss said:

"𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘭. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰𝘰."

It really struck a chord 🥹

Behind every thriving employee, there’s often someone else cheering them on quietly - holding the fort at home, picking up the pieces after long days, listening when it’s hard, and sacrificing in ways that rarely get seen (let alone acknowledged).

Work and life don’t exist in separate boxes. They never have.

And while it’s not always feasible to recognise that support financially, even a small moment of appreciation can go a long way.

It was a lovely reminder that sometimes the people who make great work possible are the ones who never step foot in the office.

Missing the point but how have you got a different font in your thread title? How have you done that?

This is cringe and discriminatory.

Do single people get this bonus for doing the work of two people then?

Which is absolutely bonkers.

Surely the families of any female workers sent abroad for more then four weeks would also be sent food hampers and cheques.
Sounds fair. It recognises the strain of family life and how modern workers contribute hands on care when at home.

Why “obviously”? “Single” is a marital status.

Jane would be delighted get a bonus like this!

No.

I have had a few male friends been asked on their… promotion journeys, what their wives think about having to pick up more of the domestic load because of their husbands big important job.

Curiously (entirely unsurprisingly??) absolutely no women I know have been asked the same question, presumably the assumption being they’ll obviously just be responsible for everything themselves regardless of the set up.

Linked in seems an odd place for this. I've only come across it as an old fashioned benefit in kind. "Take your wife out for a posh meal, to apologise for your absence working all those late nights, and send me the bill" kind of way.

I'm sure it wasn't actually about having a wife. A single person would have been rewarded in. an equivalent way but with different words.

Appreciate this is not the same thing as your OP though.

I dont know!!

(copy pasting)

Impressive 😁

Linked in seems an odd place for this.

What do you mean "for this". LinkedIn has always been an alternate reality anyway.

because the lodger was paying you for those services and if not then why not?. They don't give bonusses to hotels either.

Well, he was paying for room and utility bills and a cleaner. Things like cooking and washing up were supposed to be equally shared, but it just panned out that his job became incredibly busy and demanding. He also worked in an office and had quite a long commute, whereas I work at home, so in a sense it was easier for me to do more things around the house.
I'm not complaining about any of this, you understand, just making the same point that someone else made: that this set-up seems to assume a very traditional and traditionally gendered division of labour responsibility, and doesn't necessarily reflect all households these days.

I’ve read that a few times and can’t find a way to make it not icky.

I don’t want gratitude for my partner working, and he sure as hell doesn’t deserve a round of applause for my hard work either.

Even if the tables were turned and it was given to the menfolk of working women, why on earth would someone else get a pat on the back for my efforts.

Condescending much!

Sounds like cringey LinkedIn bollocks 🤢

but he was a lodger. You only had to provide the services he was paying for. Even if it was a house share, it was up to him to deal with keeping up with the work share he had committed to and not up to you.

My husband has several times been given a small additional bonus to take me to a 5* dinner or weekend away. As a thank you for putting up with his frequent travel away from home.

We’re DINKs not that it should matter.

you will find that’s tricky for tax if the person it has been given too has no/very little other income, so would be taxed at a lower rate than a high earning spouse. HMRC likely to argue it should be taxed at the spouse’s income.

It doesn't feel right. I'm finding it hard to articulate why, but it feels very patriarchal. Is it just for married couples? Is it really only given to men?

So many scenarios and questions, about how it applies...
What about the single parent who doesn't have a 'silent contributor'? Do they get double as they do it all?
What about the people who've chosen to stay single or child free to forge forward in their careers?
What about people who's spouse also has a career of their own?

If either of our employers offered this I'm guessing me and dp wouldn't get it:

• we both work so neither is 'silently contributing'.
• domestic/childcare stuff is split 50/50, and not quiet about it.
• we've been together 18yrs but not married

Is there any other kind ?

Nothing in the OP or subsequent discussion suggests HMRC have been informed.

Families that work at our places get free holidays every so often and bonuses can be paid in the most tax efficient way between couples.

100%

On the other hand though, if my husband's company want to give me (a SAHM) a bonus.. the cheque would be shoved straight into my bra & no more said about it 🤣🤣💃💃

I’d want to know the amount that she got but on reflection it sounds like made up rubbish.

Lodgers don’t typically pay for cooking and cleaning.