Stop sending me holiday pictures!!!

[Butteryflydeployed]

It’s ok, I know I’m jealous. Raging green with envy. But I am sick of receiving holiday pictures from my parents.

They live in a £2million house in a desirable village. I know I am fortunate but I scrimp and save and have a 3 bed semi in town. It is just me on my own, so if I lose my job or something happens then there is no safety net. I try to save what I can, and am doing ok- but everything feels like a battle and a struggle. I haven’t had a holiday or weekend away for 2 years.

My parents are on yet another 5 star holiday. Fine. But I don’t need multiple pictures and videos every day. I am pleased they are enjoying themselves, but it does feel like they are rubbing my nose in it. I am trying to concentrate on work and getting photos of a breakfast platter. They aren’t interesting or exciting photos, or of experiences, they just seem gloating….this is what we’re up to now.

It’s just tone deaf and pissing me off.

Your parents invited you on an expensive holiday, then sent you a bill for it - and your complaint is about photos?

Not buying it. You're feeling sorry for yourself and taking it out on your parents.

They sound like difficult people. You either play the silly game or you stop playing.

Stop playing means you don't engage anymore. Set them to snooze or archive them if on WhatsApp then you don't see.

You are a grown adult being baited by your own parents. So stop responding to them and feeding this crap. Don't reply for days and be ever so busy you just didn't have time.

I believe you when you say it's deliberate.

I’ve always seen myself as the crazy aunt treating my nieces to days out doing stupidly extravagant things when I’m at that age!

that was years ago and a one off- it was just in response to the poster who asked would they ever invite me. And they did, and gave subsequent invites, but after the first one I just said no every time and they stopped inviting me.

Right - so your parents are making their choices, and you'll be making yours. Will you refrain from sending photos of stupid extravagant things you're doing with your nieces on days out?

You need to move on from your parents. Let them live their lives and you get on with yours. Let them get in a huff if you don't reply - you're a grown woman, you're entitled to not react to them like a lapdog. Or, reply and deal with your parents being 'tone deaf'. Just, stop wasting your time like this. Isn't it a drag?

They invited you as “a treat” and then billed you after for it? How did you respond to the bill? Did you not say “what’s this? You said I was invited and it was a treat. I would not have come if I knew you were going to bill me for it when I cannot afford it”.

Also, tell your parents to stop spamming you with photos, it is completely tone deaf. Or just start ignoring their messages and don’t comment. And when they do complain that you are not commenting on their beautiful breakfast photo or them lounging by their 5 star pool, you say I’m here struggling to make ends meet and cannot afford a holiday, yet here you are on another one. I’m not interested in your 10th holiday of the year when I cannot even afford to go on one every 10 years (or whatever it is). I’m sorry your parents are being so cruel.

This is exactly what my parents do. Except it’s not them on yet another amazing holiday, it’s my brother.

I can afford a holiday but in my case, I have a life limiting illness and need to go to hospital every 3 days for treatment, so can’t go far.
they know all this and still bring it up every time I see them. Actually it’s just my Mum and she wonders why we aren’t close (there’s many reasons- this is just one)

Tone deaf selfish adults.. i really can’t understand why parents would do this knowing their own adult children are struggling.

Agreed.

My DM retired to join my DF in retirement. Within a year he was diagnosed with cancer and then passed away.

They had a vast amount of savings that would have helped me massively when I was a skint lone parent but I got nothing during this time. Although I never asked or expected it.

I would imagine they are sitting on a 2 million pound house then your retirement will be similar to theirs OP.

This is one of those posts where the OP isn’t interested in addressing the issue.

@Butteryflydeployed

Your parents are insensitive but they won’t change unless you address it properly.

As you don’t want to deal with it you’ll need to put up with it and be annoyed.

I actually think sharing on social media of nice things is fine because people are free to reply or not as they like, it’s sending them to people individually that’s annoying because then you can’t just ignore it! (I like looking at people’s holidays photos too but that’s partly because I hate being hot so mostly I’m thinking ooooh glad that’s not me!)

OP your folks sound really rubbish, not just sending the photos and that insane thing with the bill for the holiday but also telling you off if you don’t reply enough, wtf? Makes me feel a bit sorry for them tbh. They obviously feel the need for validation from you and maybe others for their experiences rather than being able to enjoy them for what they are. You’re probably happier in the rainy old UK (or wherever you are ) than they are on their fancy holiday, deep down.

But then there's a danger of them almost blaming OP for her financial situation, when they could just have been very lucky in life with eg timing of buying a house years ago, secure jobs, steady marriage etc. Imagine how upsetting it would be to make that comment to her parents only for them to say "well, you could go on holiday if only you hadn't made X/Y/Z bad decision/chosen a low-paying career".

Fuck me. That's no treat.

I honestly think some people just missed out on the empathy gene.

I would archive the chat so you don't get multiple notifications during the day. Then when you're able and have the capacity to read the messages and skim through the pics you can if you want to. I do this with certain WhatsApp chats when I'm just not in the mood for certain people. The messaging soon wears off if they can see you're not reading each message as they send it. You're busy with your life. Let them know it.

Mute them until they get back. Then a few days later send a short

'nice photos'

I could only dream of a three bed semi

YANBU - they sound like shit parents. I had shit parents, for different reasons, but a shit set of parents is a shit set of parents....
So I cut them out and my life has improved drastically.
Your parents know what they are doing. They aren't "stupid". Couple of vile energy vampires nothing more.
And for extra clarity - noone cares about their money or the endless holidays (cannot yawn enough) its the boundary crossing after being told - it's the sending of a 2.5k bill after the fact when THEY invited you and said nothing. Its the fact they know you will be struggling and don't give a fuck but do want to show you their new (4th) car and force you to endure endless chat about how custom it's is and expensive that was and there's only 100 in the world 🙄🙄🙄 blah blah blah. They aren't "parents".
You should definitely mute them and minimise interacting with them. Whining about their endless messaging /holidaying/2 million dream home but refusing to take any action is the actual problem.
Take control of your life ffs, you only get one.

God. There is nothing I find more mind numbing than other people’s holiday photos. Not envy as I hate going abroad, just disinterested. My parents (well one of them), used to insist on showing me their golf photos. No. Just no. The other parent was supportive of how boring this was to kids, who aren’t remotely interested. You need to have a conversation about it - we are up north and banter is a natural way round things like this for our family.