Stop sending me holiday pictures!!!

[Butteryflydeployed]

It’s ok, I know I’m jealous. Raging green with envy. But I am sick of receiving holiday pictures from my parents.

They live in a £2million house in a desirable village. I know I am fortunate but I scrimp and save and have a 3 bed semi in town. It is just me on my own, so if I lose my job or something happens then there is no safety net. I try to save what I can, and am doing ok- but everything feels like a battle and a struggle. I haven’t had a holiday or weekend away for 2 years.

My parents are on yet another 5 star holiday. Fine. But I don’t need multiple pictures and videos every day. I am pleased they are enjoying themselves, but it does feel like they are rubbing my nose in it. I am trying to concentrate on work and getting photos of a breakfast platter. They aren’t interesting or exciting photos, or of experiences, they just seem gloating….this is what we’re up to now.

It’s just tone deaf and pissing me off.

They may expect a response, but that doesn't mean you have to give them one

So you want things to change, but you’re dismissing any suggestions of approaches that might help because you’ve already decided they won’t work?

At the moment what you seem to be asking for is your parents to just magically “get it” somehow. Why is that going to happen now when it never has before?

My mum can be a bit like that. I work frantically all day for 8 or 9 hours a day with no break (quick bit of food at my desk while working) and I look on my phone and she's sent a photo of every meal, video of her room, picture from her balcony etc. Loads which I don't even get a chance to properly look at . Funnily enough she never seems particularly desperate to see any photos of mine when I go away.

My mum only worked for a few years of her life so doesn't quite get that I don't have the time to chit chat or comment when she sends stuff on whatsapp. I might manage a "Lovely" to one picture or a "looks delicious" to another while throwing lunch down my neck.

The difference is that we can afford holidays now. I would have been quite upset when we were struggling financially when kids were little if she'd been bombarding me all the time like that. She didn't have a smartphone then though so I'll never know what she would have been like with one.

I sometimes see other wealthy grandparents sharing the wealth a bit and paying for their adult children and grandkids to come on holiday with them, (or even just taking the grandkids away as a treat), or at least paying for part of holiday costs on a shared family holiday and that's a nice idea. I hope to do the same for mine one day if they can't afford one themselves.

OP i hope that one day you will be able to afford some lovely holidays. And never let them guilt trip you into not going far "because we're old and struggling and need you." They can pay for a holiday for themselves in respite care!!

Tell your parents their photographs are upsetting you because you can't afford to take a holiday. Maybe they will invite you along next time? It sounds as if they are having a fulfilling retirement before very old age sets in. Try not to begrudge them enjoying their own money.

My MIL is like this. She goes on 7-8 holidays a year. Obviously wouldn’t mind the lifestyle but wouldn’t say I was envious I just find it difficult to think of a million variations of “That looks lovely”

@Butteryflydeployed I have no solutions unfortunately- only empathy. I understand the emotional distress something like this can cause when you don’t have much and are trying to work hard and stay positive - even harder when you’re single and doing it on your own.

I was in a small team WhatsApp group which I had set up to use In emergency in case our laptops break or were running late to a client meeting somewhere. Anyway somehow certain people started to use it as a social thing and put photos of their weekend trips or what they were up to on leave. I found those people who had partners and families loved sharing what was happening. Me single, no family or friends, found it really hard to be part of but I had to remain it for the duration. Now I’ve muted as we’re on different project teams but the rest of them are still all on there sharing socials. Maybe they think I’m miserable for not being part of it still but I don’t care, did it for my mental health. It’s a shame you don’t have that option of course as your parents expect replies. Just do the bare minimum eg like the posts with emojis and every so often a random ‘that’s lovely’ sort of generic message maybe? Good luck.

Tell them to post on Instagram and you’ll be able to see them as and when.

Open the chat just once a day, type “that looks lovely mum” and close the app. Don’t bother actually looking at the photos. If your mum complains about your lack of engagement just say sorry mum I’ve been really busy.

Some parents are insensitive and ungenerous, it’s crap but they are highly unlikely to change.

I don’t think it’s tone deaf at all. They made their choices. You’re making your choices. Won’t you be doing similarly to them at their age?

How is it not tone deaf when their daughter is trying to stay afloat?

A middle finger emoji should sort it 🖕

Tell them you can’t respond during work hours.

At the end of each day before bed send one ‘how lovely’ message and then ignore.

Have they never invited you?

As a parent I couldn’t do this! I’d rather have less holidays myself and pay for my children to have one if they couldn’t afford one. It is definitely tone deaf (assuming you’re a responsible adult who isn’t financially incompetent). I’d be tempted to say ‘if course I’m happy for you, your holidays look amazing but I’m struggling at the moment and I haven’t managed a holiday in over two years, so i’m happy for you but a bit sad for me)

If she wanted more disposable income she could’ve bought a smaller property. Does one person really need a three bed semi? (I also bought as a single person so I’m not being anti-single).

She should also ignore them. So what if they want a response? Doesn’t mean they’ll get one. Just archive the chat.

Because it’s perfectly possible to be pleased for other people, especially people you love.

We can afford one family holiday every 4 years, roughly. My parents went on holiday 5 times a year and I loved seeing the places they went. Many of my friends can afford more holidays and I enjoy living vicariously through their gorgeous photos.

Just because it’s not what my life can offer doesn’t mean I have to be petty and jealous about the lives other people have.

The OP’s problem is her jealousy and resentment more than her parents’ photos. If she shifts her mindset she’d be a lot happier.

When they die you'll inherit.

The obvious comment is, Oh how lovely, wish we could afford that!

Do it every time…

they just seem gloating

^ This is what I mean. Why on earth would your head go to gloating, OP? They are far more likely to be excited, pleased, feeling delighted and wanting to share that with you.

Other people being happy, enthusiastic and experiencing good things aren’t rubbing your nose in it. They are trying to share their good news and enjoyment.

If having a 3 bedroom house as a single person is a stretch, get a lodger or downsize. Don’t begrudge your parents sharing their happiness because you are at a different stage in your life.

I’m mid 30s and spent a long time with someone who kept kicking the can down the road as far as kids were concerned until I ended it. I’d love to meet someone and have kids (may or may not happen), but if it does we won’t have years to get finances in
order before trying. So whilst I don’t need to bedrooms, I do feel the need to have the financial leverage to keep pace with the housing market to house a family in the next few years

They invited me once as a treat as it was my dad’s birthday and they wanted to celebrate as a family. They sent me a bill a fortnight after we got back for £2.5k

Surely you didn't pay it?

It is massively tone deaf. We are fortunate to travel a lot, I send no pictures to anyone and post nothing on social media. My bff will sometimes message and ask for a picture of wherever I am but other than that I just wouldn’t.
Tell them you are too busy with work to respond.

It's very insensitive of them OP, they don't sound very kind or generous 😞

That’s shocking OP. How tight if they’re wealthy.

We’re not loaded by any means but we recently treated our adult DDs and their partners to a week abroad with us as I know they’re finding treats tricky in this current climate.

Maybe you could do with a lodger OP. I'm going to have to get one if I want any extras now.