AIBU to feel a bit icky about this

[onmymown]

I know. Just the phrase icky makes me cringe too but I don’t really know what other word to use so bear with me.
my DH has gone on a lads holiday, just for a few days. He’s been messaging me here and there when he can and has messaged today to say they’re at a beach and casually said that there are women walking around topless/sunbathing, which he found weird as there are also kids about.
I may be slightly hormonal and I’m definitely insecure about my post partum body but AIBU to feel a bit weird that my DH is just sat on a beach somewhere looking at other women’s boobs?
can someone talk some sense into me please

He is just making convo. If he really was staring at boob's he would be texting you about it

I thought that was why men went on " lads holidays" : to behave like teenagers and enjoy the women and drink.

You can almost guarantee that the topless women won't be perfectly toned swimsuit models. I have been to many beaches where women are doing this, and the majority are over 60 with boobs down by their knees. Bearing in mind that the younger women will all be at work at this time of day and year.

YANBU.

Any way you cut this your DH comes out looking like a complete dick.

Even in the very best case scenario, your DH has buggered off on a 'lads holiday' while you're post-partum and is now sat on a beach worried about the welfare of unknown children because they might see a bit of tit. Dick.

That's the very best case scenario which I don't believe. I don't believe your DH has texted you because of a deep concern about these random unknown beach children and their proximity to tits.

I agree with this.
Totally unnecessary to tell OP what he is up to enjoying his freedom while she is at home looking after his child/ children.
It's as though he is enjoying making her feel insecure.

Get a grip. He's just at the beach

If he is " just at the beach" and it's no big deal why does he need to tell OP about the topless women?

Because its presumably different to their home country and talking about stuff is normal. I have inadvertently been to a nudist beach before. When I told DP, he didn't get all pissy that I was looking at dick.

DP made exactly the same comment to be when we were in Tenerife in February. Given that she's entirely heterosexual, I very much doubt it was because he's having a good old perv.

It is something that comes as a surprise to a lot of British people, who aren't used to women being topless in public. As a result it's seen as a sexual thing that shouldn't be done around children, when it's really not.

@onmymown I really wouldn't worry about it, I think your husband was just making conversation, it doesn't mean he's there perving at every woman who walks by.

Thanks for the responses so far. I suppose I’m just feeling insecure more than anything and I’m not sure what his intentions were in telling me as he knows I’m insecure about my body since having DC, especially my boobs.

He did not, and more fool him for doing so.

I'd wager that either:

> He's all excited about naked tits in the wild and, as the person he shares his exciting news with, couldn't help but tell you. This is thoughtless and clumsy given your body insecurities, and pathetic that he's all excited about tits.
> He's letting you know to stay on your toes because there are lots of tits to choose from. This is underhanded and nasty.
> He's genuinely concerned that poor children on the beach will see tits, and is sharing that concern with you. This is pathetic - tits exist, children know that.

The reasons why he's texted you, for me, are moot. I can't get around the fact he's left you on your own with a baby to piss off on a 'lads holiday'. Pathetic, he needs to grow the fuck up.

I don’t know why it’s weird that there are kids there. On the beach.

If I was ranking people’s weirdness first being on a beach with a topless woman, I’d put a man who has a baby and who has gone on holiday with the lads as a higher level of weirdness than some kids.

Well that's makes it all the more down right unpleasant that he made the point about noticing all these other women showing off their breasts.

Has he got form for negging OP?

Why is he away on holiday with the guys OP while you are at home looking after his young baby alone?

He's messaged you to let you know about the top less women just in case a picture appears with said content in. He's a man - he hasn't thought through any reason why you might find it uncomfortable. He hasn't thought through any reason why you might object to the holiday.

Having a baby doesn't affect men in the same way. Bodies don't change, if BF then they don't need to get up in the night. They have no understanding of what it takes to have a child. Even if you tell them.

They either grow up, take responsibility or get left behind. You will have to bear with him whilst he adjusts as he's way behind where he needs to be. Immaturity is a killer of marriages.

He's looking at them and telling you he thinks it's awful so you don't think he's enjoying looking at them. You're meant to become one of these women who say "My Derek wouldn't never look at topless women. He thinks its disgusting".

It might fit be weird. He might just be making a comment about the resort.

As someone who went to lots of Mediterranean beaches as a kid, and am still somewhat scarred by some of the things I saw, I can certainly confirm that the vast majority will be far, far, older than you with skin like varnished leather from decades of sunbathing, often with their obese octogenarian husbands in very, very tiny speedos. It’s not all nudist bay watch!

Having a baby doesn't affect men in the same way. Bodies don't change
I mean, arguably their bodies do change, the difference is that they don’t have a decent excuse. Laziness and greed.

I’d be more icked out over the fact that he thinks boobs are inappropriate around children. What a prude.

I can understand your insecurities but also remember he hasnt described these women as hot or whatever other description might hit a nerve. I've noticed a lot of men say things and sometimes they dont realise how the woman might feel. It would only be an issue if there were other behaviours you didnt like or if this sort of thing happen regularly.

It's a bit daft of him to text you that information. Yes, of course there are boobs out on a Spanish beach (it's usually only the Brits who keep their tops on) but you know that and didn't need it spelling out. Don't fixate on it. He's probably a bit like a kid in a sweet shop but it's just looking and as long as that's all it is then you've no rational reason to feel insecure.

He's probably a bit like a kid in a sweet shop but it's just looking and as long as that's all it is then you've no rational reason to feel insecure.

But its the fact her H is sat on a beach looking at other women's breasts that is the very thing OP is upset about!

I don't know what is supposed to be reassuring about your post. Especially given how OP is feeling about her own body at the moment.

He's not a " kid in a sweetie shop". He is a married man and a father who is telling his wife , who is at home looking after his small baby, that he is surrounded by topless women. That is not what a loving H and father should be doing.

When did British women start keeping tops on? We were all topless when I was young.

(Spellcheck changed that to "toeless". 🙄🙄🙄)

I'd see it as him being clumsily open about something he's found surprising/ awkward. Would you rather you found out later? I'm sure the mumsnet mums would judge him for hiding this too. Sometimes it seems men can't do anything right here.

I'm sorry you're feeling insecure and that he hasn't taken this into account but I really don't think he's done anything wrong with this text. And if you agreed to him going away and are now regretting it, that's to discuss once he's back. It's a done deal for now.