Do you have the ‘One that got away’

[Towonderwhatif]

Or the one you wonder about occasionally?

I knew a boy at college age..we weren’t together ever, he was with other people, as was I

We got chatting over Fb maybe 9 years ago on and off for a few years. We’d send lengthy messages to one another and i’d say he was the funniest, most interesting person i’d ever connected with
We were due to meet up, but fate didn’t take that path..I was with someone (still am, but not happy) I had a child, he was not able to.
He married and lives abroad, I too live abroad but in a different country

He still just randomly pops into my head. The connection we had on every level was amazing and he thought the same

Yes, he was my very first boyfriend. We were together from age 18 to 22. I'm a really weird person yet he really "got" me like no one else did (or ever would). We clicked so well together that we could spend a whole meal together not needing to speak but feeling completely connected. We were just happy to be in each other's presence. However, I had a very domineering mother and I felt an overwhelming loyalty to her and instead of going with my feelings on how to be in a relationship, I instead let her demands/feelings come before it.

He and I eventually had to go long distance as I went to college and he moved as well. This was the days before internet and cell phones, so between the distance and not being able to communicate often and me trying to consider my DMs feelings and putting her "first", I guess he felt pushed away and not a priority. Eventually he met someone else and got married.

I dated a lot over the years. Fell in love 15 years after the one got away, and thought I'd finally found "the one". He and I didn't connect on the same level and he didn't get me like my first BF, but I felt that I probably wouldn't have that with someone else anyway, it was too special. Well the new BF ended up cheating on me. I was devastated for a while but over time I realized it wouldn't have lasted as we just weren't compatible anyway. I've dated a bit since then and I still haven't found anyone that I've clicked with like I did with my first BF.

35 years later I still think of him often. I wish I'd had met someone that got me like he did, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. I'm old now so I'm done looking but it doesn't stop me from being sad and wishing I'd prioritized myself and our relationship as I took him for granted, which was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

Yes I can think of 2 guys that got away or 2 that I think about more than I should. I went out with my first boyfriend for 3 years from the age of 17. I'd had a massive crush on him in school for 3 years before we dated. He gave me that feeling of butterflies in my tummy. It was intense and wonderful, we saw each other every day, he wanted to get married, we thought it was forever. He'd always wanted to join the police force which he did at 18, bought a house in our home town. Meanwhile I'd always wanted to be a fashion designer and study in London. So when it came to crunch time and which path to take, I chose to go pursue my dream career and I knew we wouldn't be able to make long distance work. I also ended up cheating on him and having a fling with a man twice my age. I moved away, pursued my dream career and everything I wanted in life and I never saw my first love again. Hes not on social media but I know from friends that hes married and has risen through the ranks of the police to a brilliant position. I was really heart broken for a long time and probably thought about him every day for a good 5 to 10 years. That relationship shaped all my other relationships and set a benchmark and noone else has ever really made me feel the same way even though I'm married now.

The second man was someone I really fancied from my hometown. We went on a date, and I had far too much to drink but we had so much chemistry. At the time i had psoriasis all over my body apart from my face and I was so worried about him seeing me naked that I didn't take things further with us. I saw him 15 years later when I was visiting my home town. We both looked at each other. I couldn't work out if it was him or not as he'd changed but there was a spark. That night he added me on Facebook but he haven't spoken. He has a long term partner and I'm married.
I often think you tend to romanticise about past loves when you're unhappy in your own relationship. It also highlights how much you change, how much resilience you build up as you get older. I wouldn't give a fig if I had psoriasis now. But I think at the time I was young, lacking in confidence, a people pleaser, so unsure of myself.