He constantly calls and messages to tell me he loves and misses me

[Bubbletea125]

My partner will go to places like work and will try go to the toilet just to call me. Or will message multiple time saying he loves and misses me and I’m his everything. If I don’t pick up he will call again.

He will even go out with friends and go outside or go to toilet to chat with me. I tell him not to do it as I don’t want to be those couples.

Am I being unreasonable sometimes I just feel like ignoring him, even though I do love him. I really don’t understand where this comes from, as I don’t need this constant validation

Too much imo

That's a bit much girl 😬😬

Is he well?

YANBU, this sounds awful.

If you tell him to stop and he doesn’t, then you know he doesn’t love you, he’s just using you as a crutch for his insecurities.

He’s either going to turn out to be controlling and abusive - they often love bomb first then become like stalkers. Or he's needy and insecure.

Either would be a severe red flag for me. Have a chat with him about it and tell him it’s smothering and unnecessary then if he doesn’t drop it think about your future.

How long have you been together?

Sounds creepy

Lovebombing, how long have you been together. Don't let him move in, sounds like the type to be contolling,

Too much Op, a grown man shouldn't be that clingy, he sounds very emotionally immature

Suffocating!!

I'd find that a total turn off!

How long have you been together?

This sounds incredibly suffocating to me and if he expects you to pick up and answer him every time, that’s even worse.

If you ignore his messages/calls and he can’t get hold of you, how does he react then? Does he get anxious/angry?

You say “I don’t need this constant validation”. The key thing to remember here is that he doesn’t care whether you need the validation. He’s doing this for himself, not for you, and it’s actually quite selfish if it’s as excessive as it sounds.

He’s had a lot of loss, which I have not really experienced. But I feel like the love comes from fear

He does not get angry but may get down if I don’t reciprocate it

Far too much. Borderline stalking and controlling, checking up that you are where you say you are.

How long have you been together?
I would ignore.
Switch phone to silent and crack on with your day.
If that's a problem for him I'd probably move on.

This would make me feel seriously harassed. Have you talked about this behaviour with him? If he wasn't able to moderate it, I would detach myself from him.

Ick.

He does not get angry but may get down if I don’t reciprocate it

That could be just control in another manner. He knows that you won’t want to see him upset.

This is the same guy that wants to trap you with a baby? A baby you don’t really want? The same guy that cannot afford a child, and you’re the main earner in the relationship?

@Bubbletea125 My ex (who I eventually left for starting to verge on literally stalking me in secret), would have loved behaviour like this from me. No matter how much I texted or spoke to him (a lot because I felt he too would be down otherwise) it was never enough.

My concern is that this expectations will eventually put you off him and then he really will lose you. Think you need to talk again to him and tell him exactly that. It’s really not normal. And I imagine stressful on you in the long run. I know towards the end with my ex my heart would race if I thought I’d not messaged him in time back or what it. It was awful. I know your BF is not like this right now but seriously to try to address this and be transparent on the impact on you.

Honestly just reading this makes me feel breathless and claustrophobic! I woudl be seriously reevaluating this relationship (aka getting the hell out of there). I cant imagine things will improve.

Whaaat? Fuck that shit! Definitely dump!

I’ve been married to DH for almost 15 years and he still does this now. Personally I love it, and going through difficult times and bereavement, it has made my day brighter.

Been married a long time and 4 kids later I still absolutely love talking to hubby several times a day when he calls not to mention the texts in between. It's all part of good communication as well as love tbh for us. But neither of us would go weird if for some reason we didn't answer each other calls or text in a busy time or something but ye I would miss hubby if he didn't haha

It’s difficult because I’ve seen and felt toxic before. So I know Its not coming from a malicious place. He’s been through a lot of loss and trauma which reflects in is behaviour and how he lives his life. He’s genuinely a beautiful character but I know he does things from fear and I’m a naturally more detached person so naturally it’s a lot for me sometimes and I can’t always meet him there as I’ve been raised more distant and I’m less affectionate in words.

This. It’s obsessive and suffocating.