Dating Apps and bf

[AmyCo]

When myself and my partner got together over 12 months ago, he told me he deleted his online dating accounts. ( I didn’t have any ).
7 months into our relationship I later learn that his accounts aren’t deleted. He only hid them as he was tied up with monthly subscriptions on both accounts.
I was very taken back as nothing about this was mentioned before. Why couldn’t he have mentioned before that he couldn’t delete anything until his contract has ended? I never asked or prompted him to “delete” them, he done it of his own back. When I asked about it he told me he didn’t think it would matter as no one could see his profile.
I understood it was out of his control and just asked him to be more transparent in the future.
Fast forward a few months and my question is this …
Both of his dating accounts have reached the end of their contract now. He’s no longer tied up in monthly subscriptions. They ended one month apart.
But he still hasn’t deleted his profiles on either account. To him because it’s hidden it’s irrelevant.
Am I being daft?
He says all the right lovely things but I’m a firm believer in actions speak louder than words.

Does anyone on here have any advice ?
Im not really sure how it’s making me feel?
He knew it upset me last time that he wasn’t transparent.

Has anyone been in something similar?

He told me he needed prompting to delete them. But I feel a 40 year old man shouldn’t need prompting over something he knew upset me before. He was still receiving emails with offers etc so he knew his account was still on there.

I've never paid for a dating app, but I have paid for other apps annually. I could always delete the app and cancel the subscription, it would just run out at the end of the subscription period. So I'm not sure why he couldn't delete the apps in the first place, unless he didn't want to.

I don't think your bf is being honest about this.

He’s lying I’m afraid . He could’ve deleted them even if he had subscriptions. The only thing is he would have still had to pay until the end of his subscription but there was nothing stopping him from deleting them either then or now.

Oh really? I’ve never paid for dating apps so i don’t have a clue.
But this is interesting. Thank you for commenting x

What specifically please? That he never thought about doing it? Or the whole subscription thing?
I need help 🥴😆

He keeps telling me it’s not a big deal. X

This is what I’m afraid of x

Depends what you mean by deleting them. There’s deleting his profiles from the platforms, or there’s deleting the apps from his phone. There was nothing to stop him from doing the latter even if he had paid subscriptions.

Usually it’s possible to pause your profiles as well so that no one can match with you, has he at least paused them?

It’s the same with everything really . You might sign up for a years gym membership for example, but if you want to cancel your membership after the 6th month you obviously can - but you’ll still get charged monthly as you need to honour your contract.

I had a friend who deleted her eharmony account and still got charged which she was raging about.

There was nothing to stop him deleting the account either. Dating websites have their issues but they really can’t stop people from deleting their account. That would be illegal and against privacy laws etc.

He could have cancelled the subscriptions and deleted the apps if he'd wanted to.
The dating sites that I've looked at have clear instructions on how to do that.
So he obviously hasn't been honest with you.

I’m afraid you are being very naive and he is 100 percent lying. He has no respect for you either. Get rid, he has shown you who he is.

I’d also say there was a valid argument for not deleting your dating website/app accounts if someone is in a relatively new relationship - like less than 6 months, but the problem I see here is that he lied to you.

He could have said I’m putting them on pause so my profile is no longer visible.

I may have had something similar before OP, a guy I met OLD told me he was pausing his dating account while we dated “exclusively”.

I now think he was lying about that because he unmatched from me the same day. If he had just put his profile on pause why did he bother to unmatch from me? Usually if you go on pause it just means new people can’t see your profile but your existing matches will still be there. I felt he unmatched so I couldn’t see when he was last online. At the time I was so excited about him I ignored what was in hindsight very obvious.

I never did fully trust that guy and ended it after a few months of dating.

yeah he uninstalled the apps back when he said he had deleted his profiles. And he is hidden, no one can match with him etc etc.

but my qualm is he initially told me he had deleted them. And then he said he would once the subscriptions end. But neither happened. X

He’s stringing you along Op and is deceitful. I agree with a pp that he has no respect for you. Time to get rid.

He keeps telling me it’s not a big deal and I should’ve reminded him to delete them.

Do you agree?
x

you should have reminded him? Blimey - are you really that naive?

Your bf is lying and doesn't respect you. If you know what he's doing most of the time and where he is when he's not with you, fine. But if you find there are some nights when you have no idea what he's up to, then clearly he is dating other people. One thing you need to understand is, men who find dates online, tend to date several people until they meet 'The One' whereas women date in a linear fashion and are much less likely to date more than one guy at a time. It's possible that when your bf met you he found it hard to give up online dating just in case things didn't work out with you. You need to be careful that he is not using you for sex. I suppose you could stop sleeping with him and see what his behaviour's like.

All in all, you seem like the kind of woman who believes what a man says too much 'he says all the right things' and 'he says he'll do X' and 'he says it doesn't mean anything'. You need to judge a man by his actions; not his words.

If you believe everything a man tells you, you're going to become someone who is easy to lie to and manipulate.

I don't know how old you are or if you want to have a serious relationship, settle down or start a family, but don't let a man like this waste your child bearing years.

maybe I am?! I don’t know!
he made me feel as though my annoyance towards wasn’t valid because to him it wasn’t a thing x

Aw Op, if he’s making you even question this it sounds as if he is gaslighting you. Why on earth would it be your responsibility to remind him?

And more to the point why did he not delete his accounts earlier when he claimed he did? We’ve established now they could indeed have been deleted irrespective of subscriptions. So there is pattern of lying here.

So no - I definitely don’t agree with what he said.

Do you mind sharing how old you are? Is there a large age gap between the two of you?

Not at all, I’m nearly 36 and he’s 39.
x

Youve been together seven months.

You're not important/serious enough for him to cancel his dating accounts

But also you should be important/serious enough to be the one to remind him to cancel his dating accounts. Because a grown man cannot look after himself.

He sounds dreadful. He's keeping his options open.

Sorry, you’ve misunderstood. 7 months into our relationship I learnt that he never deleted them.
x

You can delete them instantly. When I met my husband, the first thing he did was stand over me whilst I sat at the computer and deleted them as per his instruction. My annual subscription was gone instantly, despite the fact I already paid in advance.

He wouldn't let me see his, but assured me it was deleted...

Looking back, I shouldn't have done as I was told, but there you are.

Of course your partner can take his down straight away.

@Username532687 That’s pretty weird and controlling that he demanded you show him you deleting yours but wouldn’t let you see his. Talk about double standards!

What is life like with him now? Was that just a blip or is he generally like that?

AmyCo

(And Username532687 tbh)

You know all those threads where men are controlling or abusive or cheat or just become complete useless arseholes and women are always dumbfounded because he was always so lovely and insist that there weren't any signs?

These are signs.