My mum is jealous !

[OneAquaEagle90]

I am 32 and thinking about buying a small 1 bed flat I have no kids , no partner and I am in a position I have saved my money. Most people around me have brought there home including my mum every time I talk about buying a home she gets so angry and leaves the room , my bother who's 42 she keeps talking about helping him buy a home its like she's jealous. I cant understand it someone please let me know this is not one or two comments she has done this for years.

I never understand here why people have to be so mean.of course you’re allowed to talk about your plans. Maybe it’s taken you a while to save the money. As some have said, could your mum be worried about living alone or affording to live alone. Sometimes parents are not as supportive as we would like. Go ahead and buy your flat. Make your own life and be happy.

Possibly because she has her shit together and her older brother doesn’t. Some older women believe the man should be in a better financial position than women.

She's mental. Just ignore her and get on with your life.
Don't bring the subject again.

Why is she angry or jealous? Missing lots of context here I think - do you live with your mum? Does your brother live with your mum? Has your mum always favoured your brother? Have you been talking about buying a home for years? Do you generally have a good relationship with your mum? All of these would influence the advice people would give.

As a 63 year old woman i have only just come to realise that my mum started to be awful to me when i hit puberty.

It was and is a combination of loss of their little girl, and me naturally distancing myself as a teenager from her, also jealousy of better life opportunities for me compared to her.

yet to others she was proud of my achievements.

take of that what you will, but figuring out whatever this is for you earlier rather than later will maybe help you have a better future relationship?

You have provided zero context… do you live together? Does she usually belittle you? Why do you keep discussing it with her? Have you asked her?

No more posts 🧐

@MoominMai I feel for you as you are so unsupported by those who should the most. Keep going and I hope you have good friends who cheer you on

Be careful buying a flat - regarding service charges and ground rent. See if you can find a small house that is freehold, if possible.

@OneAquaEagle90 has she mentioned helping you to buy a flat at all?? probably not! you are not the golden child obviously

Yup my own mother is the excact same. Hates to see anyone do anything with their lives, even her own children. Very bitter woman.

I have never, ever been able to understand this. My dd is an adult now but I still (rightly or wrongly) feel responsible for her. If she has something I never had I feel like I’ve now been given it because she has it!

You said she’s been doing this for years. Maybe she’s bored of hearing you talk about it and not take action? 😅

Or possibly she’s not even jealous at all .

This!

I didnt read it as the mum has been funny about the house buying rather she’s got firm for making these kind of comments

purchasing a home is a big deal, she should be able to talk about it in front of her Mum without her getting angry, surely!

Just buy your home you are 32 leave mum to her weird reactions I wouldn't give her headspace.
Or ask her why do you get all weird when i talk about this .. is she a jealous person with other things you do .
Just do it .

If she’s done it for years, maybe she’s annoyed you keep going on about it and don’t actually do it

Well done @MoominMai for following your own path, I hope you have lots of supportive friends.

She doesn't sound jealous.

She sounds pissed off that you keep banging on about buying a property and don't get on and buy one

No, she’s jealous.
Golden dc isn’t performing how the dm thinks he should.

Is it possible, she may be afraid? Afraid for you living alone, afraid for her not being able to afford rent/utilities without your income, afraid of progress? Fear does strange things to people.

My mother appeared to be jealous - no other explanation for her behaviour toward me. She wasn’t happy that I’d had the education she felt she’d been denied - it was all I could do to finish sixth form she was so begrudging of ‘keeping’ me. She wasn’t too happy about my subsequent career and then, when my third child was coming, she and my father refused to acknowledge the pregnancy. Afterwards she told me it was because I was a bad mother to the two I already had.
My brother was a drinking, drug taking womaniser who in the end had been married three times and walked away from them all, had five children we knew of (not all by his wives) and was an unemployed drunk.
At the wedding of one of my sons my father made the only nice comment that either of them ever had about my children or did again and said: ‘they’re three grand lads’ - they were and are. At this remark my mother turned her back.
I think that your mother, like I believe mine was, is jealous that you’ve done alright for yourself and perhaps better than your brother has managed to do for himself.
I don’t know why she can’t be happy for you and feel for you. For your parent to begrudge what you have and what you’ve done is so disheartening.

Is she upset about you leaving rather than jealous?
Maybe there is something about her life she isn’t happy with and is resentful that you get to set up on your own in a new place, happy and independent with your future in front of you.
When you say she’s been doing this for years I suspect you mean sucking the joy out of everything you do and achieve. Well, don’t let her do it anymore. It’s time to buy that home and move forward with your life.