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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate the toddler stage

52 replies

somesortofbreakfast · 07/06/2025 07:06

Dc2 is bright and funny but if I’m honest I struggled so much with the toddler stage first time round that going through it again is making me miserable, only this time I have the pressure of trying to meet the first one’s needs as well.

I know it doesn’t last forever but I just hate it. It makes doing anything near enough impossible as it’s interspersed with tantrums and whingeing. No attention span so you can’t even stick them in front of the TV for a break 😩

I thought dc1 was an exceptionally difficult toddler and in fairness he wasn’t really but I didn’t really know what to expect or what was normal. However, dc2 seemed to have skipped the worst of it. Some mildly frustrating behaviour and sleep was an issue from about 9-18 months but for the most part she seemed a very chilled, contented sort. But now she’s two soon and suddenly we have hit the famous terrible twos and I think I’m having flashbacks.

I am just not a great toddler mum. I have very limited patience for the flinging herself backwards in rage because of some vague unspecified reason, for the territorial sort of wanting to go on a swing but that swing, the food is a massive issue as there are now very few foods she’ll eat and virtually nothing reliably so every mealtime is stressful, and now she’s started waking at 5 which dc1 also did and I thought I’d skipped with this one. I absolutely hate it as the day lasts forever.

Honestly I can’t wait for her to be at the stage dc1 is at, where he’s four and about to start school.

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 07/06/2025 07:12

dont take it seriously
it is a wonderful stage
dont sweat the small stuff and pick your battles
easier if you can your sense of perspective

somesortofbreakfast · 07/06/2025 07:17

’it is a wonderful stage if you enjoy it

is what that sentence should read.

I don’t find it wonderful at all. When I went through it with DS it made me miserable and exhausted. Now I’m here again <despair>

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 07/06/2025 07:19

take a step back - dont get embroiled

somesortofbreakfast · 07/06/2025 07:19

I don’t really think we’re understanding one another very well.

OP posts:
LowDownBoyStandUpGuy · 07/06/2025 07:20

I hated it too OP.

Mine are 12 and 9 and occasionally I get pangs of ‘oh I miss when they were little toddlers’ then I see a post like yours and remember that I don’t actually miss it at all, it felt like it lasted for decades. The early wake up’s were the worst.

There is light at the end of the tunnel though.

LumpyMashedPotato · 07/06/2025 07:21

Everyone "likes" different bits. I hate

With tantrums i think what might help you is a script / preprepared tactics.

I just tune out and let dd roll. When shes out of steam she says/ does the same things so I know i can safely move it for a hug without a tit punch / groin kick 😅

also 💯 stop trying to control everything. Ive released a lot of the small stuff.
I actually think there's a lot to like about this age especially vs newborn and squirmy 6-12m. You can be silly , you are teaching them quite a lot...

Mightyhike · 07/06/2025 07:22

I agree OP. I have three DC and I found this the hardest stage - including the teenage years!

Twiglets1 · 07/06/2025 07:24

I hated it too - mine are adults now but I remember this stage as so hard. Both of mine were "high spirited" to put it nicely.

Twiglets1 · 07/06/2025 07:25

somesortofbreakfast · 07/06/2025 07:19

I don’t really think we’re understanding one another very well.

That's because toddlers are completely irrational.

somesortofbreakfast · 07/06/2025 07:26

I’m sure teenagers have their own challenges but just as there are tricky toddlers and easygoing ones the same is true of teens.

It does last for decades. I don’t understand people who trill ‘oh, hasn’t it gone FAST!’ I always want to respond ‘no, what the fuck are you on about?’ 🤣 I am sure I could have gone to Pluto and back in the time since I had DS. Especially the 1-3 and a half stage …

And it’s worse now because I have another child in the mix.

OP posts:
somesortofbreakfast · 07/06/2025 07:26

Twiglets1 · 07/06/2025 07:25

That's because toddlers are completely irrational.

I meant the PP.

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 07/06/2025 07:28

somesortofbreakfast · 07/06/2025 07:26

I meant the PP.

Ah! Well yes they are failing to understand your feelings.

Thesonofaphesantplucker · 07/06/2025 07:28

OP I’m right there with you! I absolutely HATE toddlerhood. I have 4 DC, my youngest is 2, and I honestly cannot wait for this bit to be over. I’ve hated it every time, and have really questioned my ability to parent on so many occasions.

Thankfully, I have the older ones to show me that I’m not that bad of a parent really, it’s just this stage!

I also know what you mean about the stress of dealing with the older child too, as I find it ridiculously stressful trying to do anything when the youngest one is there!

I know it will pass, but it does take so long! It’s years of my life going by too, stuck in this stage!

dontcomeatme · 07/06/2025 07:28

Yep, agree with you. Toddlers are ar##holes.

EleanorReally · 07/06/2025 07:29

tbh 4 year olds are worse! imo

Twiglets1 · 07/06/2025 07:30

dontcomeatme · 07/06/2025 07:28

Yep, agree with you. Toddlers are ar##holes.

I miss the laughing react button on MN!

MixedBananas · 07/06/2025 07:30

DS1 missed terrible twos. But he was hit with threenanger stage 4 months after tuening 3. He has major atritude, talks back, says no and pushes boundaries. Some days we have tantrums 5 times a day some days it is only once.
I have DS2 who will be a toddler soon and he is very dominate personality, extroverted and expresses himself very clearly. He is only 10months and he sometimes bullies his older brother.
DS1 from ages 0 - 6months were a nightmare. Silent reflux and he was a very miserable baby in pain and had stomach issues. He was a complete dream up until recently. Very few tantrums and always listened.
DS2 was a dream from birth and still is overall. But I am not looking forward to the age 2 - 4.
So solidarity with you.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/06/2025 07:30

Meh, this site is full of women hating on different stages of parenting.
A. What did they expect
B. Make hay while the sun is shining.

Borgonzola · 07/06/2025 07:30

Wow the first poster doesn’t get it eh

the tantrums I don’t find too bad as I always feel a bit sorry for her. What I can’t stand is the messing around - over putting on shoes, getting dressed / undressed, walking along the road, getting in the car, etc. and the whinging - have started just saying I don’t understand her as it’s so irritating and want to nip it in the bud now.

yes she’s tiny and it won’t be forever but it makes me snappy and cross and I hate that about myself. Just put your bloody shoes on and stop whinging!!!!

TokyoSushi · 07/06/2025 07:31

Yep it wasn’t for me either, it’s the irrational rage & crying that drove me nuts.

They’re 12 & 14 now and absolutely glorious, it was much, much better from school age onwards.

somesortofbreakfast · 07/06/2025 07:31

I don’t know how you did it four times @Thesonofaphesantplucker !

I think I’m most annoyed with myself for being a bit smug and assuming I had an easy one and actually … nope! Although they have been challenging in different ways.

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 07/06/2025 07:32

EleanorReally · 07/06/2025 07:29

tbh 4 year olds are worse! imo

At least most are attending some kind of pre school by that age and you know they will be going to full time school soon. Makes it easier to cope plus their language skills are much better so communication is easier which reduces tantrums.

EleanorReally · 07/06/2025 07:33

somesortofbreakfast · 07/06/2025 07:26

I meant the PP.

i do get it
i was simply giving solutions,
ok perhaps Other people's toddlers are wonderful!

somesortofbreakfast · 07/06/2025 07:33

EleanorReally · 07/06/2025 07:29

tbh 4 year olds are worse! imo

That’s a shame. I have a four year old too and he’s great.

OP posts:
somesortofbreakfast · 07/06/2025 07:34

We’re having car seat battles @Borgonzola . It’s horrible as I feel like I’m wrestling and fighting her for a minimum of twice a day Sad

OP posts: