How the hell is this not in the media

[Sprinkles211]

https://www.birmingham.ac.uk/news/2024/more-than-40-of-parents-with-disabled-children-have-thought-about-suicide-study

This quite frankly is terrifying, with the current war on the disabled happening as the parent of disabled children I've found myself in darker places then I knew existed all due to how I know my children are viewed by society, they didn't choose this, I didn't choose this but they have value, they are valuable, if society acted with more humanity and less selfishness and greed we would learn so much about humanity from children like mine

Sadly, no-one cares about disabled dc.
My 3 youngest dc are Autistic and in all honesty, I have come close to suicide on more then one occasion.

Had I known how things would turn out, I probably would have gone through with it.

This sadly doesn't come as a surprise to me OP, and I don't even have a disabled child. I am however, disabled myself, and the trauma that I've been put through by the DWP over recent years, has had me very close to suicide myself. So for a parent of a child with severe long term illness, or disability, I can totally see how desperate life must seem when coping with the authorities, and trying to advocate for your child. It must seem relentless, and the vast majority of people simply have NO IDEA what you have to deal with. All parents who cope with a life like this, are heroes in my opinion, and while I know they love their children just the same, probably even more, you surely can't help but struggle with feelings of frustration, and helplessness. The worry about what will happen to a disabled child, who will never be independent, when you die, must be beyond anything that I can comprehend. More definitely needs to be done!

I'm so sorry, its horrendous isn't it, I remember a time when I couldn't understand how a parent like us could contemplate the murder suicide thing, now I've been thru the system long enough to understand and the day I realised exactly how parents could reach that point that broke me. My children have taught me more about humanity than anyone ever could I watch as they interact with this shitty world their hearts full and thankfully still to innocent to read the body language or understand the comments made often directly in front of them.

There are some absolutely bloody amazing parents of disabled children, but there is so little help for them. I can understand how that could lead to despair.

I remember that awful story of the single parent lady in Acton W London with photographer ex just travelling doing fun life, left with a horrendously difficult violent (?) large son in a wheelchair poor thing killed herself and him.

mist he so many others similar, seems nothing to offer these poor peoole

sometimes wonder if the days of the asylum in Victorian times or mental hospitals in C20th were better for parents - we transferred all that effort onto adults needing to also work & live whereas in an institution someone is meant to care (know often doesn’t / didn’t happen and a lot of abuse happens) but removes the onus on the parent

Parents who have disabled kids are treated abysmally. We have friends who have two kids - about30yo now - they are huge - well over 6ft and well built - they had virtually no help financially via the state. Once child was born disabled and the other child was about 10yo when they were hit by a car and basically left him in a very similar state to the other disabled boy. They kids were huge/stong and could be very aggressive if rattled by something - dogs were one trigger - and living in the country with people walking past the house it was a common occurrence and they (the parents) often sported bruises/injuries from trying to deal with the lads. The mother died very suddenly in her 50's and all the paprerwork for the 'benefits etc' was in her name and foolishly her husband rang DWP/whoever was in charge at the time and stopped everything. He went months with no payments/no respite/nothing while they 'attempted' to sort it all out - if it wasn't for their fiends/neighbours etc then they'd have lost the house and car and everything else. Its a shitshow. He is coming up to 70yo now and when he's unable to look after them or dies we have no idea what'll happen with the boys and he really is the only one who understands them as they cannot speak properly etc. It doesn't look good.

It’s probably more if they were honest. Nobody cares. Have you seen the news lately? Disabled people are to blame for everything according to the media and a good chunk of Mumsnet.

No, the asylums weren’t better. Jesus.

Absolutely the one that got me most recently was the single mum with the little girl, I believe she was Polish but had exhausted all help once the papers released that her daughter was also heavily disabled and neighbours said she was a good loving mum it was all made to go away no one interested in the injustice and failings towards them that caused this. Another I've seen was a woman diagnosed with terminal cancer couldn't find anyone to help with care for her son so had felt no other options were available, yet parents are made out to be vultures/scroungers. I'd give anything to be able to go back to work and partake in society, there is zero childcare been quotes £45ph for one of my girls because she is medically and learning complex, I'd have to hire someone else on a 1to1 for the other at approx £15 to £20 ph, I had no choice but to give up everything to keep my children alive, fitbit says I'm on the go 142 hours a week, (equates to 58p an hour whilst on carers allowance) this can happen to any one of us, I had all the tests in pregnancy, I did everything right, I followed every damn rule to the letter and I was told the chances of 2 like mine was literally one in a million, it's the only lottery I've ever won, they are the most beautiful precious things in my life and I'm honestly privileged to get to love two souls this way, I could cope with all the care needs and all the advocating for them, I've been broken by other humans and their views and distain for their existence, when quite frankly it could be them next.

Have you seen mumsnet threads about disabled children? There is so much hatred, I’ve seen posters say they think the majority of SEN is just bad parenting, I’ve seen posts criticising parents getting free transport to special schools, jealousy of DLA and mobility cars, posters arguing that parents of disabled children have no excuse to not work full-time yet simultaneously arguing that SEN children shouldn’t be in mainstream if they’re disruptive but it’s tough shit if there is no suitable school available. It’s gross.

@leaderZ oh I remember that, wasn’t it in lockdown when disabled children and their carers were basically forgotten about ☹️ Such an awful sad situation.

Me, I think about it multiple times some days. Genuinely considered it today

These are the thoughts that go through your head, I honestly wish I could say they haven't, brutal honesty is needed because with the cuts that are currently said to be happening, this will kill whole families. There are talks of 18 to 22 year olds not qualifying for the disability support on universal credit, that includes those PROFOUNDLY disabled that require 24hour care that drop in family income between having the child elements to no longer qualifying will mean more than losing homes, lives will be lost, my oldest is only 9 and this is already causing complete panic in our day to day, we have to plan ten years ahead just to prepare for the fight for resources, I only came out of work in 2020, my partner has retrained and now earns what he and I combined did full time and we've still hit 40k in debt just affording the basics in life and meeting our child's basic human rights. Reddit forums are full of vulnerable adults who don't have any support who are drowning alone just wanting to be a part of this world with nobody to advocate for them.

I hear you, I see you, I'm angry for you. This is the shitty world more bothered about being insta famous, or thick tok obsessed then it is about humans. You are valued, if others could just experience 24 hours in our shoes the world would be a different place.

This is something I've never dared ask my parents as an adult. I'm afraid of what they'd say. They have admitted that having a disabled child was very, very difficult at times, though. I understand that. It wasn't easy being the disabled child, either, at all. Or, a disabled adult, for that matter.

Yep if it's not immigrants it's the disabled.

Having grown up in a community formed around one I disagree tbh.

It is absolutely horrendous.

Sadly my friend committed suicide due to poor mental health and strain of caring for her two disabled children. She struggled to access support to assist with care of the children, or to provide with respite.

Having work in service that was meant to help families like hers, I left it a number of years ago disillusioned by lack of support that we were able to offer due to tightening budgets and restricting who was able to access the support. When I first started a wider range of children could access respite provisions on a regular basis. By time I left only those whom had hit crisis point or about to hit it, were offered respite.

More support and funding is desperately needed, but it will be too late for many of these families, because they are not seen as a priority.

sometimes wonder if the days of the asylum, in Victorian times or mental hospitals in C20th were better for parents - we transferred all that effort onto adults needing to also work & live whereas in an institution someone is meant to care (know often doesn’t / didn’t happen and a lot of abuse happens) but removes the onus on the parent

I bet a lot of people would agree with you, here and in RL. That's the sad part.

My dad did it. So did my sister.
Yeah, you’re considering it - it seems like an option, maybe even a halfway decent one.
All your problems gone in an instant. No more heartache, no more bills, no more.
But we’re left to tell your story - how funny you were, how smart and how very much we loved you.
Abd yeah - life’s shitty. It’s shittier with you gone.
There’s a gigantic empty place that only you can fill.
Please - don’t. I’m begging you. ❤️
I’m right here. And I know.

Me. Many times. My youngest is disabled and omg the battles and advocating are endless. Then the stares and judgement on top.....

I don't think it is limited to parents of disabled children.
I work full time and am constantly stressed about money. There is never enough. I don't know how I'm buying school uniforms, there's probably not enough money to feed us this month and knowing that my wages and uc are going to be lower next month im definitely not sure how we're getting through that.
They all need new shoes and my work shoes have holes in. I need 3 new tyres and work on my exhaust and I just don't know how it's happening.
It's exhausting.

Fucking hell. Having spent about a year of my life in a secure unit. You are totally wrong. I pray you haven't got a disabled or ill child.

I can tell you hands down from a parent of 2 profoundly disabled children (will always be toddlers and full of life and the adventures of 2 year olds) and my 12 year previous career choice of teaching young adults with disabilities to reach their individual potential and level of independence, that your parents regret not one second of the child they had and the precious adult you have become but rather the world you and they had to endure and fight against just to be a part of, the hundreds of parents I've worked along side have all expressed the same to me, one lady once said to me that if her son was a dog, he would of been given the best support, a plan of treatment and a payment plan to make it affordable because it would be in the animals best interest and she would be considered neglectful if she didnt follow it, but because her son was human, our nhs nice guidelines meant they had to wait until ' failure to thrive' thresholds were met before he even got on a list for support, I didn't understand then what she fully meant, until I too had to watch a child deteriorate for months to hit that target 'failure to thrive' before what could of been preventative measures became life saving, as a mother I developed ptsd from that particular hospital stay and the realisation that the systems we are meant to turn to for help are built only to support the bigger picture not the individual ones we are lead to believe, you honestly will be your parents greatest achievement just the same as every child should be, the world made it harder, not you.