New grandparents to be. . . . .

[RadiovTV]

do not underestimate how hard it is looking after a baby. I did, after all, I've brought up 3, and babysat for several others when mine were young. So now my grandson is 12 months and I'm finding it soooooo wearing. Overlooked the fact I'm 40 years older now with a niggling knee. It's full on and brutal.

I offered to look after him 1 day a week while dd goes back to work, then she'd need to pay one less nursery day. Thank goodness she's smarter and wiser than me. "No mum, you can look after him for as long as you want whenever you want but I don't want you to feel obliged or tie your days down".
I often look after him for an hour or three while she gets stuff done - or goes out for coffee at the weekend with a child free friend, or in fact I just visit and play with him and watch and entertain him and it's great and he loves me 😍
All the times I look after him are extra to childcare so dd and sil can take advantage of a bit of free time together.
But thank goodness she was sensible and recognised my limits. Otherwise dd would be one of those posters writing and complaining that mother had promised the earth and was falling short, and how annoying that is. And I'd be one of those grandparents who felt bad about letting her down.

So grandparents to be - beware. It's a doddle when you're 25 or 30. It's 10 times harder when you're 65 or 70. Be warned.

Two of my friends approaching 60 stopped working on Fridays, both to provide childcare.
I retired after 40 years of being ruled by school term dates. I wouldn't want to stop having term time holidays to provide childcare

This is the thing, some GPs feel they can't say no as they may well be seen as redundant and not see the grandkids as much, if at all.

It's sad that a lot know deep down that if they weren't offering help, they'd not be bothered with.

I've had a few voice this, yet they won't mention it to their GC's parents.

A good relationship is being able to have quality time with the GC with no strings attached.

I could be writing this! Same happened to us.... MY DGS is now 3 and I love him lots and lots as I do my gorgeous DD.
So glad I only offered one day a week... It's such a pleasure if a little tiring but I thrive on it and he goes to nursery for the other 2 days that my Dd works.... Perfick!
Be warned new grandparents.... It's harder than it looks so don't take on too much. Xx

It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself your way of being a grandma is the best way. If you were that happy with your arrangement and didn’t feel guilty or sad that you aren’t caring for your grandchild so much I don’t think you’d be posting here. Other grandmas have a wonderful time being more hands on, they aren’t wrong to enjoy that just as you aren’t wrong to not want to do it.

I think it is different for everyone when they become grandparents and ultimately decide whether they are able/can offer childcare or babysitting. I agree that you can underestimate your energy levels when you are older. That said I look after my DGS 3, I day a week collecting him early and dropping him back home after his dinner. I have him over night too every few weeks and have done so since he was 4 months old. I think that was the most tiring, when he was waking in the night for feeds. I still work full time compressing my hours into 4 days. I feel privileged to have spent that time with him and wouldn't swap it for anything.
I was 55 when my DGS was born and I am lucky I don't have any health conditions that would make this difficult, which I know not everyone is so fortunate.

We are 66, fit and healthy but don't do childcare for dh's 3 grandchildren. We retire at the end of the year but still won't be.

Doesn't come off that way to me at all.

Not every post has to be negative, it's ok to post advice to others or express relief and share.

Lots of grandparents, don't help and are still very much loved and valued.

What's sad is knowing you'd only get to see grandkids if you offer to look after them.

As long as the involved parties are happy, that's all that matters.
Posting doesn't mean not being happy, everyone is allowed to post about all sorts.

Or the well if you dont provide childcare because i chose to have children i wont help you when you are older, the bitterness on here in general is plain to see

I certainly don't feel guilty or sad..... I see my dgs most days and take him with me often, partly to give my dd some "me time/couple time " but mostly cos I love being with him.
I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything.... Just stated what works for me.
You sound slightly bitter to me.

It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself your way of being a grandma is the best way. If you were that happy with your arrangement and didn’t feel guilty or sad that you aren’t caring for your grandchild so much I don’t think you’d be posting here. Other grandmas have a wonderful time being more hands on, they aren’t wrong to enjoy that just as you aren’t wrong to not want to do it

?

I didn't say I don't care for him or spend lots of time with him. I do both. I see him several times a week and take him out for walks and to cafes together with his grandad. I'm hands on and change his nappies and make his lunch and feed him if I'm there and it needs doing. I'm not in the least sad about all that.
The difference is I'm not tied down to doing it for a specified number of hours on a particular day. That could make it a very long day as I find it quite tiring.

A good relationship is being able to have quality time with the GC with no strings attached

Exactly. I nip round for a couple of hours every day dd isn't working, and when I'm there I'm centre of his attention 😍
That gives her time to do whatever she wishes or needs to.
And it's fine if I can't for some reason because I'm not relied upon for 'childcare'

DM looked after DS1 from 3 months old full time until he went to primary school, then she looked after him before and after school. She loved it! It definitely gave her a new lease of life. To be fair though she was only 50 when he was born (she had me young) He’s 25 now and they’re incredibly close. I’m 54 and can’t wait for a grandchild but sadly I won’t be able to help much with child care due to working full time ☹️

Sorry but you posting this and the way you're trying to influence other people does just seem like you have something to prove.

If you don't want to help and provide regular care for your grandson then that's fine, don't. Others do and cope with it well and find it adds a lot to their life.

I will 100% be helping my son if he ever needs it.

I was a grandmother at 50, but working full time as a senior teacher, so my child care offering was babysitting at the weekend and school holidays. Later, when I was working part time, I did school pick up and was at their home with them, until parents were home.

It’s definitely tiring, especially combining paid work and child care.

My parents were in their late sixties when they watched mine three days per week so that I didn’t have to pay nursery fees. My Mum is disabled and my Dad has heart issues but they insisted and they loved it and really hated it when the DC went to full time school nursery at three. They kept asking when I would have another (never!). My DC are 12 and 9 now and still go to their grandparents every week for dinner.

So this may be how you have found it but you can’t speak for all grandparents.

Sorry but you posting this and the way you're trying to influence other people does just seem like you have something to prove

<shrug>

the bitterness on here in general is plain to see

Isn't it just.

But not everyone will 100% be providing childcare, as proven by loads of posters on the thread.
Some found out too late, to the detriment of their health, so if there's free advice to share, why not!

Not helping doesn't mean 100% no involvement.

Must have missed the part where OP said she was speaking for all grandparents in the world.

I totally agree, I was on holiday with 2 DGC at the half term. I couldn't believe how much energy they had. At the end of a tiring day they still had energy to burn but sadly Nanny didn't.

I must have missed the MN rule where you have to only agree with the OP.

Oh no wait there isn’t one so people can post alternative viewpoints all they like! How progressive.

I agree actually OP.
There's bound to be differences of opinion...& a lot of adult dc desperate to convince themselves their dms are loving it & aren't at all tired.
What you're doing sounds fab & your dd sounds like a sensible woman, must run in the family.😉

It’s a shame your health means you find it too much to do regular childcare. I think many grandparents would be thrilled to have a regular opportunity to look after their DGC, have a little routine and take them out, whilst knowing they’re helping their kids.

I find this post a bit “look I get all the benefits of being a grandparent without having to put myself out” which I find rather odd. My family are a bit more keen on helping each other out and working together.

I think many grandparents would be thrilled to have a regular opportunity to look after their DGC, have a little routine and take them out, whilst knowing they’re helping their kids

I've said many times, I do that. A lot. Two or three times a week. Just not while she's at work. And then there is zero chance of me letting her down.

Really good advice. One where people pleasing can go drastically wrong if you say yes then can't cope!