To think that everyone has regrets, no matter what they say?

[SnugShaker]

People love to say they have ‘no regrets’ and that everything happens for a reason but in that really true? Surely everyone has at least one decision they’d undo if they could. AIBU to think that having regrets is just part of life?

You'd be surprised at some peoples lack of insight.

My dad was a dreadful human being who did lots of dreadful things throughout his life and made lots of poor decisions and he once told me he had no regrets. I thought, well you bloody well should have!

I have loads. I can’t even imagine having no regrets. I know I can’t change things, but there are a lot of things I would change if I could. I can’t imagine having lived a life where I don’t regret anything ive done!

I used to but I don’t now I have my children. Because even the things I regret led me here.

I have no regrets at all before about 10th September 2012. As that is when ds (my youngest child) was conceived. Any changes at all - even going back and changing “imformation” to “information” in my spelling test when I was 9 (until then I had 10/10 each week - I was really upset) risks changing something that means one sperm or one egg could be different and I wouldn’t have my children.

Since that time though - I have many!

I think there's a difference between doing something you wish you hadn't and actually changing it. I was a complete arse when I was young, but I learnt from it. So, while I regret many of the things I did, they have all contributed to the person I am today. Of course, there are some who would say I am still an arse, but I like to think less so than I once was.

I regret that I was put in the position that I had to make some of the decisions that I have. But not the decisions. No point looking back, you can’t change the past. Look forward and live your life.

Can you regret things that weren’t within your control? Not being arsey to you, don’t care really, just curious about the meaning of the word. Yes I am pedantic, I know.

I think when people say they have no regrets they mean the big things. Not every single decision they’ve ever made.

Interesting thread. I think it depends what you mean by regrets, as this thread shows, clearly people mean different things by it. I would take it to mean similar to you, memories of times when your behaviour or actions have impacted negatively on yourself or the people around you, and when you think of them you feel sorrow, shame, embarrassment, a general wish that things could have been different or you could go back in time and do something different, that kind of thing. I agree with you that I'd think it was very strange if someone genuinely couldn't recall even a single memory or time that prompts those kind of emotions even on a very trivial level. Surely having those kind of feelings at least from time to time are quite a key part of the human condition.

But if course there's the thought that although 'regrets' are a negative emotion, you wouldn't want to live the kind of live that's so careful and sheltered you avoid the possibility of regrets ever happening, and even if it were possible to go back in time to change your actions you wouldn't want to do so because then you'd miss all the character development and learning that comes from making mistakes - so hence people might say they don't 'regret' their actions or they 'wouldn't change a thing' or bizarrely that they don't regret having regrets. Or of course there's also the whole Dr Who / Sliding Doors /Butterfly effect thing with the idea that if you were to go back in time to this morning and not drop your favourite mug on your toe you might accidentally end the universe or something. I don't know though, I'd still personally class dropping the mug as a 'regret'...

I think you can, grammatically speaking anyway. Take the case of "I regret to inform you that the 8.36 to Little Snotsbury is cancelled due to leaves on the track' - no-one supposes the train announcer is personally responsible or in control of the leaves, or is actually apologising for the act of announcing the cancellation which is (a) her job and (b) important and useful information for the passengers. You might say it's a very trite phrase as the announcer doesn't give a shit about the leaves or the passengers but suppose she is in fact a sincere and empathetic announcer, she feels truly sorry that the commuters are going to be late for work, she's ashamed her useless rail company bosses haven't sorted the leaves, she wishes she had the power to make things better, I'd say that's 'regrets' even though obviously she has no actual power over the events... Maybe not huge, life altering, worthy of a deathbed mention type of regrets but to me regrets none the less.

Talking emotionally/psychologically I'd say the sort of regrets you feel about things you have done personally or in control of though are much more powerful than the ones where the situation was entirely outside your control but you wish it could have been different. I certainly have both kinds in my life, although the greatest sadnesses 'big ticket regrets' around deaths, serious illnesses etc are of course things outside my control, the things I keep coming back to are the more personal regrets, I wish I'd been kinder to that person, I wish I'd spent more time with my loved one while I had the chance, I wish I hadn't wasted so much time and energy worrying about things that never happened, or pursuing goals I was never able to achieve, that kind of thing, things absolutely within my own control (recognizing we all are the products of our environment and social structures, how much agency do we really have yadda yadda). That's what I would mean by saying of course I have regrets. Not to say I'd ultimately change my life now if I had the chance, especially if it would mean not having my DC or DH, but I still wish I could change those things and have my life now, but take someone else's point on board that without the learning and personal development from those mistakes I wouldn't be the person I am now...

@NoctuaAthene it gets philosophical, doesn’t it?!

I have no regrets, there is no point

No ragrets!

I love a good Friday night navel gaze me 😂

I think what people mean is there's no point dwelling on the past and what might have been rather than claiming everything they've done has been perfect.

I have things I kick myself over but really I give myself grace in respect of the fact that I, like all humans, sometimes make mistakes and it's ok.

I really wouldn't change anything. Imagine I did and I ended up not meeting my husband or having my children. Getting to have them in my life absolves me of regret, because nothing that lead to me sharing my life with them could really be considered bad. I'd willingly go through everything I have and worse a hundred times over for the sake of getting them.

I can’t think of a single one in terms of things I’ve done or not done.

There’s no point regretting the things that were out of my control. The horrible things that have happened to me are for someone else to regret, not me. And every shit thing has, in its own way, led me to something wonderful I wouldn’t have otherwise, so I can’t wish it hadn’t happened.

I am living a nice enough life now but I have so so so many (varied) regrets that I think about each and every day.

I have plenty of regrets but I think the best way is when you use experiences to shape you into a better version of yourself so however negative they become positive and try not to repeat bad things done to you or by you.

Plus as a counsellor told me you live your healthiest life with a total acceptance of everything you can’t change. (I can’t do it but I get the idea!)

IMHO, regrets are things most people have. Feeling regret is an acknowledgement of something you did that was not right. I think you would have to be a full blown narcissist to have no regrets!

I don't have any regrets. I've made the odd decision here and there that could have been better and a few times when my behaviour fell below my principles but I have grown from them and I have the perspective and risk assessments I have today as a result. And my path led me to the life I have now.

I agree with this, I used to think "ooh if I lived my life over again what would I change" and then I read a book where someone kept going back to the beginning of their life and obviously they never had the same children even if they ensured they got together with the same partner because of the unlikeliness of getting pregnant at the exact same time with the same sperm and egg. And that would be awful.

I’m not sure regret is the right word but I did some pretty daft things as a teenager, however I’m happy with the big stuff. No problems there.

Surely everyone has at least one decision they’d undo if they could.

insight is a wonderful thing. Some people recognise that, at the time, they did what they thought was best with what they had.

It's different to think that if they had known/ experienced other things, they would make a different choice, but as things were, there's no regret to have.