To think that everyone has regrets, no matter what they say?

[SnugShaker]

People love to say they have ‘no regrets’ and that everything happens for a reason but in that really true? Surely everyone has at least one decision they’d undo if they could. AIBU to think that having regrets is just part of life?

I don’t have regrets.

I have made some poor decisions and said or done ill advised things over the years, of course. But they were what felt the best thing at the time. I just accept I got it wrong and move on.

I would do some things differently if I were to face them now, with more information and knowing myself and others better. But that’s not having regrets about what’s already happened.

And of course I am me, with the strengths and weaknesses of my character. I can’t become a different sort of person, I can only moderate my behaviours. So I try to do that where I can, but with a view to the future and not the past.

I have things i think i wonder what the opposite choice may have turned out briefly but no I dont regret anything I have done, and no I dont think everyone thinks the same

I don't have regrets, it's pretty pointless to look back and be clever with hindsight when you were making decisions at the time with the level of knowledge/ability you had then.

I do have Sliding Doors moments when I wonder what would have happened if I'd got into my first choice of university and did English instead of Law, but who knows? I might not have met someone as lovely as DH and would not have my DDs. I wouldn't go back and chose a different path if it led me away from them, ever.

The best thing you can do is continue to learn and improve with age, but not in a desperate attempt at self-improvement because you aren't good enough. You are also fine and enough, just as you are.

I don't really have any regrets, or rather, I don't have anything I still regret. I might regret something for a while after it happens, but that fades with time.

I'm happy, I like my life, any decision I might have made differently in the past, even if the direct result of it was better, might have made my life worse in the long run.

For instance, I mined about 10 bitcoin when it first became a thing. And then I just... forgot about them. They were a silly little thing that were worth a couple of quid, so they sat in a file somewhere and then when my harddisk died I didn't even think about them. Until a few years ago when I found out just how much a bitcoin is worth these days. I could have been a millionaire!

So yeah, it'd be very easy to regret that. But if I'd had that million quid, then who's to say my life would be the same now. Maybe having that extra money would have meant that we'd buy a house, that we'd end up unhappy in, maybe DD would have been bullied at the private school we'd have hypothetically sent her to. Maybe me having extra money would have revealed my brother to be grabby cheeky fucker. Any one of a million different pressures on my life could have made it measurably worse than it is now.

I'm happy, now. Why would I regret anything that got me to this place?

I can think of only one major one, and that is not taking a stand on my late husband's alcohol misuse soon enough.

That’s great, and if you’re happy and like your life I can see how you would regret anything. Sadly that’s not the case for me.

I think, if you start off from a point of perfection and never make any mistakes, or even do anything in a way that you later realise you could have done much better, you probably wouldn't have any regrets.

I've personally never met nor heard of anybody for whom that applies.

I don't think a regret has to be restricted to something that you consider seriously ruined/marred your life in a very significant way; neither should it really include something wholly unimportant and ephemeral, such as choosing a meal at a restaurant and then seeing somebody else's nicer-looking meal being brought out, or wearing an outfit for a do and then later looking back and thinking that it wasn't a great choice.

I'd say that one way of looking at it is that, if you never have any causes for regret, that rather suggests that you've never learned anything with experience; ergo regrets (hopefully nothing too devastating) could be said to be a measure of a full life where you grew, matured and developed wisely over however many years you had.

I couldn’t disagree more, @IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta .

You can learn plenty without regretting the steps that led to that. There’s lots I’ve messed up or where I’ve backed the wrong horse, so to speak. But it all made up the tapestry of my life and I accept that life as it is. I accept responsibility for my choices both good and bad.

DH keeps an eye on items he’s bought and is frustrated when the price drops, for example, whereas I don’t because I can’t see what possible benefit that would bring. (Unless it’s something that it is worth getting two of!)

I assess whether a decision or action is wise or not, but I don’t waste energy regretting them. I will just hopefully choose better next time.

I think there are different ways of looking at things; and neither of them is necessarily right or wrong.

That's very nicely summed up and I do take your point about not dwelling on things that you've learned a lesson or gained valuable experience from.

I don't think that regrets always have to be purely negative things at all; it's probably nuanced and very much open to different interpretations.

If I was asked, I could come up with a few examples of choices I would make differently or times I wish I’d been a bit bolder and done something I chickened out of. Plenty of things where in hindsight I made a poor choice. But they’re tiny things and I don’t really consider them regrets as I don’t feel strongly about them or even think about them unprompted. I’m lucky enough that I’ve never made a bad decision that had enough consequences for me to truly regret it.

I guess it depends if you’re a pedant (“technically yes everyone has something minor they’d do differently in hindsight”) or if you are capable of inference and nuance (“I understand people mean they haven’t got anything major they’d change”).