Aibu to not pay ex husband back money I owe him

[FastMintSheep]

Hey me again,so I have left my husband of 17 years due to domestic abuse,I owe him around 2000 pounds,I’m currently on benefits and pip we have 5 children together,so the money I borrowed of him was for things like food,gas electric etc all while he was living with me for example I would lend £20 of him to make a dinner but he would eat the food aswell or I would put fuel in the car and he would use the car,he never gave me money for dc ,over the years he used to control finances I don’t work due to disability,he doesn’t worked because he wanted to bring the children up with me,he would save money out the benefits we got for dc which is around 12k now he has given this to his sister to look after he always insists the money is for dc but I know they will never get it!my family have told me not to give him a penny and I don’t owe him anything aibu to not pay him?some outside advice would be much appreciated

I’d tell him no, the money he’s been squirrelling away would of been spent on food and things surely? The only reason you had to “borrow” money is he was depriving you of family funds.

Id slso ask his sister to return money or at least put it in ISA accounts in dc names ( accessible at 18)

Glsd you left he sounds like a complete arsehole.

Maybe I will I’ll have a think about it xx

His sister wouldn’t even entertain the idea but I have told him I’m not giving him any money and to take it from his savings but I feel like I’m been a bitch to him

As a Muslim husband he has a duty to look after and provide for his family so you don't owe him anything if the money was for food, shelter or clothing. Also if you breastfeed any of the children then he owes you money Islamically.

Thankyou

@FastMintSheepPlease consider doing the Freedom Programme. This man has abused you terribly and you think you’re the bitch? No my love, you’re not.

What a repulsive sounding man he is! He stamps on his child, calls you a white bitch and steals money that was supposed to feed his children. Leeching off the country and living on tax payers money. Lazy disgusting, racist pig.

Has his family ever assaulted you? Do you feel abused by the rest of the family.

Thankyou and yes I will look at the program thankyou for your kind words

Verbally yes they have,in a way I feel abused due to the fact that they made me think the way my ex husband treated me was ok that it was his right,in 2020 my husbands 10 year old nephew told me he was been sexually abused by his uncle I phoned the police straight away it obviously went through courts etc he ended up getting 16 years he has been doing it to a couple of the other children sin the family,everyone turned on me told me I had destroyed there family they all turned on my dc I was told I should of let the parents deal with it there way.

I could go on and on,I just feel so guilty because of what my children went through I can’t believe how blinded and stupid I was

This is why this country is in such a mess.
Saving benefit money which is supposed to be used to cover living costs. Not working because he wants to help raise 5 children?
This is appalling and he should definitely be reported.

All that matters now is that you are away from him. Well done! It must have been terrifying!
You owe it to yourself to now live your best life. Wishing you all the best.

Fucking hell. That’s awful. Honestly I’d minimise contact as much as you can. Do not give him a penny of benefits going forward. If he insists on having them then he funds.

I won’t and thankyou for your advice

As others have said you owe him nothing. Get onto the DWP and report the fact they’re hiding assets. Anything over 6k means their benefits should be reduced accordingly and helping someone to hide income is aiding and abetting benefit fraud. You also need to report him to the carers allowance team for wrongly
claiming benefit when he has never cared for you if he still does. Claiming carers allowance will mean he’s considered to not need to look for work, the scrounging, lying bastard should be forced to work like everyone else.

Thankyou

Well done OP. So good you got away and no you owe him nothing. A Nikah is worth nothing in the UK so you effectively have no legal obligation whatsoever. I also had a Nikah with my ex, there was no way I was going to legally marry him and it was the compromise his family were happy with. You are smart. I hope you manage to unpick all the conditioning they have done to you. Sounds like you are starting to come to terms with that so just focus on you and your kids, and of course your future.

I will do and thankyou for your reply it’s nice to speak to someone who understands x

Yes I know I will ask one of my children if they would like to claim as they are the ones who help me wash and cook etc but they also have there own life’s and I want to look after them not the other way around,he has used my disability for his own gain I have a car provided by pip he used to take it and take his mates out etc while me and my dc would be waiting for him to bring food etc

He indoctrinated you into doing whatever he said. Don't feel guilty just keep your DC away from him now.

How awful for you, naturally this needs to be reported and stopped. He’s not your husband and you owe him nothing, he’s taken advantage of your kind nature but that’s a reflection on his poor character and not a bit on you.

You owe him nothing. He can't legally pursue you for this at all. I would love to see him try to explain all of what you have said in court!!
But he won't because he has no cause of action.

Meanwhile you absolutely should claim via CMS even for the pittance they would award from his benefits.