Aibu to not pay ex husband back money I owe him

[FastMintSheep]

Hey me again,so I have left my husband of 17 years due to domestic abuse,I owe him around 2000 pounds,I’m currently on benefits and pip we have 5 children together,so the money I borrowed of him was for things like food,gas electric etc all while he was living with me for example I would lend £20 of him to make a dinner but he would eat the food aswell or I would put fuel in the car and he would use the car,he never gave me money for dc ,over the years he used to control finances I don’t work due to disability,he doesn’t worked because he wanted to bring the children up with me,he would save money out the benefits we got for dc which is around 12k now he has given this to his sister to look after he always insists the money is for dc but I know they will never get it!my family have told me not to give him a penny and I don’t owe him anything aibu to not pay him?some outside advice would be much appreciated

Well, he is a truly shit Muslim, isn't he? He's failed in every single way he should be caring for his wife and family. He is pitiful. You owe him nothing at all.

Are you safely away from him now? Put in a claim for CMS, do NOT let him take the children abroad (get passports for them and hide them), and start thinking about how you move on with your life now.

He has been saving up there child benefits for a few years now always saying he would give them when they got older but he never has,but yes the main thing is we are away thankyou

Please tell me you are taking the child benefit now? And you have claimed everything you can. Benefits wise? Well done for getting away

Thankyou and yes we are all safe now and hopefully start healing,I will apply for cms

Yes I am now,I’m claiming everything I’m eligible for I’m hopefully going to start studying with the open university in September my daughter is starting college,new school for the others and my eldest is joining the police force

Yes I have,thank you

Ignore what he says. You owe him nothing, legally or morally.

Focus on the fact that you're moving on and bettering yourself, while he'll always be a wasteman.

Make sure he can no longer claim carer's allowance too.

I don’t believe for a minute the child benefit is sitting in account somewhere - he’ll have spaffed that as well.

I hope he no longer has access to your child benefit and it is in fact going to you and being spend on the kids?

You owe him nothing but he owes you child maintenance and I hope you have informed the relevant authorities that you have split and the children are with you so you can claim child benefit and the child element of universal credit

If you have proof that the £12k was agreed for the children and proof the source of the money was CB (eg texts between you) then you might have enough to take him to small claims court. At least you might be able to actually ensure the children see the money by getting it into an account in their name not his sisters! Perhaps look into it?

I’m sorry you have five kids and he ‘chose’ to be out of work to raise them and has saved. £12k from benefits. I work a 60hr week and I’ve never seen 12k. FFS this is what’s wrong with this country

I'd be tempted to tip the benefits fraud office off about the squirrelled away money that he has hidden away with his sister!

Yes, if you haven’t already done so you need to tell them that the lazy git no longer cares for you. He can get a job and pay for his kids.

If you need someone caring for you who is actually caring for you? Are your older DC helping you?

@FastMintSheepyou say you’re a white lady, and your “husband” is Muslim. Is he British born? And what about his own family - how do they treat you? Are they abusive (emotionally, financially, and physically) towards you too?

Just came to say this. That’s fraud if he continues to claim. That will knock his UC right down and he’ll be forced to work. What a piece of shit.

If he has 12k in savings has he told UC? The limit is 6k not to affect benefits.

if he is giving it to his mother to hide from the government he is showing you and his family that he is a liar and criminal. Expect him to continue to be a liar and a criminal as those are his values. If his family are okay with him being a liar and a fraud then they also are not to be trusted. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Get support from your friends and family. Women’s aid. And your health visitor if you have young children, school if older.

Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft is a good book and you can often find free online.

also try the freedom programme - Google it.

Was he controlling in other ways. We may be able to help you see the wood from the trees.

Hi yes my oldest 2 are looking after me I was thinking of one of them claiming carers allowance for me but they look after me between them so I don’t think I would be entitled to this

Yes all benefits are in my name now thankyou

Yes he is British born his family are very old fashioned though for example the woman does everything etc ,they have always known how abusive they are I remember once he stamped on my son and I told his mom I would be going to the police but they convinced me that he has every right to do that as he is there father,I was so isolated and brainwashed I unfortunately excepted that,looking back now I can’t believe it I feel ate up with guilt,I feel sometimes the children deserve a better mom

Yes he was physically abusive but his family instilled it into me that he is my husband and has the right to do what he does and it’s for my owe good he was also verbally abusive always calling me a white bitch,fat bitch,thick etc ,he also cheated on me numerous times I just accepted it all

I’m sorry I hope I haven’t offended you but yes your right he used me and my children to abuse the system

Well, I hope that's been dealt with. Quick phonecall to DWP.