To be upset by friends reactions

[H0pefull]

Group of friends all in our early 30’s, been friends coming on 15 years. Recently found out i was pregnant after known fertility issues , but with that came a lot of anxiety and illness, so I politely declined 2 or 3 group events due to not feeling well, both physically and mentally.
I unfortunately had a miscarriage and messaged in the group to apologise for being distant, but that this had gone on and I was sorry for not saying anything, only one of the 7 girls replied. Since then, the group have been meeting up and not inviting me. I messaged one and asked if there was a problem, to which I got a long reply about how most of the girls felt uncomfortable that I didn’t tell them I was pregnant.
I messaged each girl individually to apologise again for being distant but that I just felt like I wanted to keep it to myself at the time, I am now on anti depressants to help with how I’ve been feeling mentally and that I would try to make more of an effort with the group again. Each girl took over a day to reply to me, and all sent back pretty much word for word the same answer, so there is obviously a group chat I’m not in and they have all screenshotted my message and discussed what they would reply.
One of them replied to say “well you know everyone has things going on” which i absolutely appreciate, and is why I kept things to myself in the first place, because I didn’t want to burden them.
Since then I have tried to make arrangements both in the group chat (which got ignored) and reached out to individual girls, one of which replied saying “I’m free in about 4 months”
I feel like the worst friend in the world, all I was trying to do was navigate a tricky time and open up to my friends when I felt ready to, without dumping all my problems onto them as I know everyone has their own lives and issues.

AIBU to be upset with their reactions?

You need new friends. They are awful and/or follow someone terrible to stay 'in' with the crowd. Equally as bad.

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Take good care.

You are not the worst friend in the world - they are. So sorry for your loss

I previously suffered from fertility issues for 4 years and it’a so intense, then the heartbreaking miscarriages and worry carrying to full term. Real friends were caring and supportive when ready to talk. Just as Im sure you would be caring and supportive when your friends encounter awful personal times. Your friends are not real friends sadly. It’s very telling how bitchy and horrid they’ve been on the back of your heartbreaking loss. Just when you need a friend they are not there for you. They are cows, the lot of them.

This totally

It’s clear these women aren’t your friends, and have a nasty rather childish pack mentality. I’d call this bullying, they sound pathetic actually.
So time to make decent friends. These people will soon pick on someone else

They are not your friends op. You do not need friends like that. I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️

They aren't friends, it's quite that simple. There's nothing wrong in keeping a pregnancy quiet, especially if you have been having fertility issues. If you didn't feel comfortable in telling them about the miscarriage straight away, that's equally your choice. I think they've all behaved badly, and have ganged up on you. I wouldn't want to be friends with people, who think that this is an acceptable way to treat a supposed friend. As upsetting as it is, I think you'd be better off cutting these women loose.

They are awful ‘friends’ and they’ve treated you really badly. It will be upsetting for a little while but honestly you’re so much better off without them. I’m sorry for your loss x

They’re heartless.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

These girls are awful. They are not your friends. Good friends understand when things are hard / you can't share things at times, and good friends accept your apology and move on. These girls are being cruel and have decided to exclude you, in the most brutal way. At one of your lowest points. And to top it off, they've made YOU feel like the bad friend? Shame on them.
I'm so sorry you've been treated like this, and this was an absolutely fucking shit thing for them to do.

Leave the group chat and forget about this group. Be open if individuals reach out and apologise but focus on other friends.

Move on from these “friends”
I’ve gone quiet in group chats at times when life is hard or I’m grieving and it’s understood we can all dip in and out when we want, we’ll always be there for each other.

They didn't handle this very well. With that in mind, is there possibly more to the story?

You say you missed 2-3 'group events' - are we talking brunches, or are we talking birthdays, weddings etc? You're very entitled to turn down attending due to any reason, but, others will feel a certain way about it.

Have you been MIA for a long time?

I can't think of any other reason they would be ostracising you.

They're absolutely right though, we all do have things going on - if you weren't communicating with them, it's difficult for them to know what's going on for you, and vice versa.

If the way you've told it is exactly it, just that they are bothered you didn't tell them you were pregnant, then, ditch, they are not good people. I do suspect theres possibly a bit more to the story though, and unfortunately theyre not being very helpful in making you aware of that is (as you don't seem to be aware, yourself).

Take care, OP.

Wow, thank you all so much for your advice and kind words.
I have been making myself ill thinking id been a terrible person & friend, at a time when I should have been prioritising my own physical / mental health and supporting my husband through his own grief journey - I have definitely had my priorities wrong.
i have left the group quietly and will not be reaching out further, I am lucky to have a big supportive family & other individual friends I have been able to lean on during this time. It’s a shame to lose a big group of friends after so long, and if any reach out individually I would be happy to have that conversation, but for now I will focus on rebuilding and pushing through this difficult time as it still all feels quite raw.
thank you all again ❤️

How utterly cruel - when people show you who they really are..... believe them! I'm so sorry for what you've been through, but take this chance to find better friends. None of these nasty b*tches are your friend. I'm equally sorry you had to find out like this.

sweetheart they are treating you terribly! they are the bad friends not you. They sound like a bunch of mean bitchy teenagers. Do you have other friends that you reach out to?

@BusyExpert I’m very lucky to have a big family and a small number of individual friends I’ve been able to lean on - quality over quantity for sure moving forward. Thank you for your reply xx

Wow how incredibly nasty Op, they have shown their true colours when you need their support. I’m so sorry this has happened to you.
Don’t chase this friendship now though, let it go…I’m willing to bet a few find their way back to you when they inevitably become the new scapegoat.
Whether you want to forgive them at that point is up to you.
for now focus on things that make you happy and seek friendships that value you.

I'm so pleased to hear that you have other friends and family to support you OP, these people are clearly not friend material. Take care of yourself at this difficult time.

I'm glad to read that you've left the group. They sound like the worst friends ever, you'll be so much better off without them in your life.

Well done op, they don’t sound like very good friends. You’ve done the right thing.

YANBU. what a petty group of selfish jerks. You never have to tell anyone you’re pregnant. You tell that kind of thing on your own time. They should have been there for you. I am so sorry, OP. I would drop them. Just ghost them. They do not deserve you.

I think you have made the right decision. Good to hear you have supportive other friends and family to help you through this difficult time. Sometimes things happen in our life which really shows who are true friends are. This lot have basically bullied you at a very traumatic time in your life. No one needs friends like that.

So sorry for your loss. These women sound incredibly immature & unable to think/act for themselves leading to this shockingly nasty behaviour. They really don’t sound adult enough to be mothers. I hope they read this thread & see how toxic their group behaviour has become. Meanwhile, now you know that they are too immature to offer adult friendship, you can move on & look for nicer, empathetic friends.

They sound horrible and you deserve so much better. They aren't true friends and weren't there when you needed them.

Something similar happened to be several years ago. I was pregnant but didn't tell my friendship group (it was an IVF pregnancy) and I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. When I told them, they were all sorry and asked me how they could support. Each one reached out individually.