To be upset by friends reactions

[H0pefull]

Group of friends all in our early 30’s, been friends coming on 15 years. Recently found out i was pregnant after known fertility issues , but with that came a lot of anxiety and illness, so I politely declined 2 or 3 group events due to not feeling well, both physically and mentally.
I unfortunately had a miscarriage and messaged in the group to apologise for being distant, but that this had gone on and I was sorry for not saying anything, only one of the 7 girls replied. Since then, the group have been meeting up and not inviting me. I messaged one and asked if there was a problem, to which I got a long reply about how most of the girls felt uncomfortable that I didn’t tell them I was pregnant.
I messaged each girl individually to apologise again for being distant but that I just felt like I wanted to keep it to myself at the time, I am now on anti depressants to help with how I’ve been feeling mentally and that I would try to make more of an effort with the group again. Each girl took over a day to reply to me, and all sent back pretty much word for word the same answer, so there is obviously a group chat I’m not in and they have all screenshotted my message and discussed what they would reply.
One of them replied to say “well you know everyone has things going on” which i absolutely appreciate, and is why I kept things to myself in the first place, because I didn’t want to burden them.
Since then I have tried to make arrangements both in the group chat (which got ignored) and reached out to individual girls, one of which replied saying “I’m free in about 4 months”
I feel like the worst friend in the world, all I was trying to do was navigate a tricky time and open up to my friends when I felt ready to, without dumping all my problems onto them as I know everyone has their own lives and issues.

AIBU to be upset with their reactions?

So stereotypical and immature behaviour that some women seem to adopt or never grow out of. I had the same in a village I previously lived in. Reminded me of a flock of brainless chickens adhering to the pecking order behind chief chicken!!

Because I can’t drink alcohol due to a medical condition, I firstly got snarky comments from head chicken, and then slowly the other chickens started copying her. Then I was slowly frozen out of all chat groups & meet ups. I never mentioned their drinking so not sure why they were so focused or offended by my inability to drink. It’s like being back at school and we were all in our 40s. You need grown up caring friends that are there for you when you need them, but also happy to give you space when you need it. That’s proper friendship and you will find new friends.

@H0pefull wow.. firstly sorry for your loss. Secondly, all I’m seeing is the ‘friendship’ group heard of your pain and struggles and made it about themselves - not sending you messages of love and support and rallying around but instead informing you how ‘their feelings’ have been hurt that they weren’t notified. It’s like some sort of weird society where they feel they have some sort of ridiculous entitlement to knowing all about you and that you’ve committed the cardinal sin of wanting some privacy. Words fail me. If it were me I would exit this group, heal yourself and then if you wish, try to make new friends ♥️

I’m really sorry for everything you’ve been through and it’s so tough. They are handling it badly but maybe they feel hurt that you didn’t share what was happening? Like maybe they don’t feel like they were good enough friends?
I’m not trying to excuse them, but is that possible? particularly with the ‘head’ friend dynamic - I’m guessing she’s usually the first to know everything?

They're horrible people, and if not horrible then weak. Either way you don't want them in your corner. It's a horrible way to find out and so much extra heartache on top of a really sad episode in your life, but they are the problem, not you. This behaviour of theirs is really not normal.
I'm so very sorry for your loss, and for the way they've treated you. It's time to rebuild, as hard as that is. One day you'll be glad to be free of them.

These people are not your friends. You should leave the WhatsApp group chat. You’ll feel a lot better when you’ve made that first move.

I’m so sorry, OP. They are a bunch of mean girls. This is not how real friends behave. I would walk away and try and find other friends.

I'm so sorry you had a miscarriage and now your friends are being horrible just when you really need them. My guess is that someone has been shit stirring and turning them against you. I've had it happen to me years ago and it hurts so bad.

You will make new friends in time but it's such a shitty thing to happen. Just focus on yourself for now.

I’m so sorry for your loss, OP.

These women are not your friends, they are being unbelievably unkind to you. I’d block them all, to be honest. Definitely don’t message them again.

I kept my first pregnancy quiet for ages, and currently pregnant again and have barely told anyone. It’s no one’s right to know until I’m ready, you did nothing wrong.

I hope you have some support in real life, mind yourself ❤️

Firstly I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️
and secondly, get new friends. They are bitches and you deserve better x

Absolutely this. They are not friends.

'Everyone has things going on' ????? Yes, well, but not what you've been going through. They should all have been over you with love, hugs and hoping to meet up.

Dump them.

They're nor your friends girl, you deserve much better xx

Really sorry that this has happened to you, what an upsetting and stressful time.
Sorry that your friends have reacted so terribly as well - their behaviour is absolutely awful and I'm sorry to say I don't think they're true friends at all. Don't let them make you think you've done anything wrong here. Focus on yourself and your healing and on people who truly support you and deserve you.

This is mean girl behaviour and it sounds like none of them can think for themselves, they really need to grow up. I'm quite cross for you.

They should all be rallying round and seeing what they can do to support you, not chastising you because you didn't tell them you're pregnant, what silliness.

Do you have other friends you can turn to? I'm sorry OP, it's devastating when you realise your friends are not friends. It's not your fault, if this is how they behave they'll turn on each other eventually.

I agree with others, no more apologising, they should be apologising to you.

Bullying queen bee and brainless bitches.

So now you know.

You will find new, actually kind and caring friends, I promise you.

I'm.sorry for your loss.

Please, please tell me that you didn't miscarry at 4 months and your bully is referencing that by saying she is free in 4 months.

I am so sorry for your loss 💐.

These women are not your friends.

Leave the group and don't give them headspace.

This isn’t on you. They don’t sound like supportive friends.

sorry for your loss x

They’re not your true friends.

You can now see the underbelly of groups. This is a disgusting way to treat a friend that has had a miscarriage. Op, you need to leave the group, block and delete. And promise yourself you will never speak to them again.

One or two might return because they will feel so bad, but honestly you can never trust them again after this.

One to one friendships going forward are much better

They really aren't your friends. That's terrible, OP. I'm sorry they are being so unkind.

Absolutely vile behaviour. You've done nothing whatsoever wrong OP, ans these girls sound like pre teen bitches.

Wow that is awful behaviour from them. I can't imagine how hurt you must be. They are not real friends and what a horrible way to find out. You have done nothing wrong. I would actually tell them all you are really shocked and disappointed with how they have reacted to something so traumatic happening to you and hope they never have to experience anything like that happen to them. Find some new friends OP, you deserve so much better

They are pretty awful reactions, to be honest. Your friends need to grow up and stop acting like petty teenagers.

Why do they feel they’re entitled to know something so personal? And just because “everyone has stuff going on” doesn’t mean you don’t deserve compassion and understanding for the painful experience you’ve been through.

I hope you manage to find a nicer group of friends, OP 💐

I'm sorry, OP. What a shitty lot they are. A friend of mine had a number of losses before she finally had DC2. She didn't tell any of us right away and we understood why it was painful for her. I hope in time you will find better friends.

What absolutely shitty behaviour from the lot of them... they should be ashamed of themselves.

Op I'm so sorry for your loss and all you've been through - that in itself is a lot and it's totally understandable that you wanted to process it yourself before telling anyone. Decent friends would have been there for you even if everyone has a lot going on ffs.

I think at the minute it, of course, feels deeply hurtful, but op these girls have actually done you a favour by showing their true colours and that they are not actually your friends and are not worth wasting your energy on. I would cut the lot of them out and focus on yourself and building a new, reliable group of friends. It sounds like you've outgrown these nasty bullies. You deserve much better.