Friend didn’t get me a gift for baby but invited me to her baby shower

[Marmiteontoastgirlie]

We have been friends for about 10 years. Last birthday she got me a birthday gift and for her next birthday I wrapped and sent her a nice gift in the post as she lives overseas now. She liked the gift so much she started stocking the item in a shop she has and says it’s selling like hotcakes, but then got me nothing for my birthday the next month despite seeing me quite close to the date (literally wearing the gift I had given her lol).

I had a baby shower later in the year which she was invited to but wasn’t able to attend, she had some pretty serious fertility issues so I understood her not attending and also not getting any gift for baby as I am sure it wasn’t a subject she was keen to dwell on.

However wonderfully, she then managed to fall pregnant before I gave birth, my baby is 6 months old now and I have seen her a couple of times but no gift or card, or anything in the post.

She has now organised a baby shower and invited me.

I can’t help but feel quite disgruntled about the lack of reciprocal gifts. I was willing to overlook the lack of birthday gift as maybe she didn’t want to get into gifting for birthdays, fine by me, but then the lack of baby gift too once she was pregnant and the subject no longer sensitive, just felt too on the nose?

I would never not get a friend anything to recognise their first baby and then months later invite them to my own baby shower, presumably expecting a gift from them, I would feel so embarrassed!

But gifts are definitely my “love language” so maybe I am overreacting?

Money is definitely not an issue for her.

YANBU

It’s a very one sided relationship.

I would make a polite excuse and not go.

A lot of people in life take the piss and she’s one of them. Also £100+ for a present is beyond ridiculous.

I have bought a gift for every baby shower I have attended but will be adding a note in the invitations to my baby shower that gifts are not expected (if they really must - a book). I hate seeing a list of expensive baby items circulated before a baby shower, it makes me cringe. I love to gift but I think the expectation these lists create, takes the fun out of it for me.

Give if you want to but don’t gift with any expectations.

I think it’s the right decision not to go. Also stop the birthday presents.

People do use gifts to play power games. For some reason, she has decided your nor worth a gift anymore, so I would take a step back.

Ditch birthday presents for each other, buy a small baby gift and don’t overthink it.

If I only saw friends who I gave a 100% reciprocal gift exchange relationship with I wouldn’t have any friends left. So many times one of us have bought a little something for the other at Christmas without receiving a gift in return and the same with birthdays. It’s not been a thing, we show our friendship in other ways such as being there for each other.

I think that’s a perfectly reasonable decision.

I’d probably send an e-card or a nice text saying you hope it goes well but again it’s down to you really.

Better to back out than to go and feel resentful later.

I also would not go. She’s not acknowledged your baby birth so I would take that personally too. You can see her when the baby is born with a card and smaller gift if you want

I buy gifts if I see something someone might like. I feel a bit awkward if they then feel they have to reciprocate!