To think birthdays as a single mum are depressing?

[Lmnop22]

It’s my birthday tomorrow so I’m going to buy myself a cake and wrap myself a present from my DC (5 and 1) so that I have something to open in the morning and so there’s a cake to celebrate after work/school/nursery. Then they will go to bed and I’ll just be alone.

Don’t get me wrong, I will love the handmade cards they’ll likely make at school/nursery and there’s nobody I would rather spend time with then them but it just feels a bit sad and lonely….

Do you have any friends OP? Can you invite someone over once DD is in bed?

Absolutely celebrate it! Cake and present and maybe some flowers and a nice drink? I don’t drink alcohol but even some nice pink lemonade or something. The children will be excited. It’s important to show them you’re worth of celebration too.

It’s depressing if you allow it to be. Think of all the women who get nothing from their partner anyway, or have to buy gifts for their partner to give them. That’s worse.

As a single Mother to twins (aged 7) I have never found my birthday - or any other 'celebration' - depressing, sad or lonely just because I'm single.
If you want to celebrate, do so with friends and/or family. Or, do something with your kid. Celebrate yourself!
Don't wallow or rely upon external validation from others.

Birthdays don't have to be lonely as a single parent. Do you have any friends or family you can celebrate with? Can you take the kids for a day out? I enjoy the zoo and have taken my 3 to the zoo with a picnic for my own birthday. I've had friends come round after bedtime for a few drinks and some silly games.

You can't sit and wallow every day after becoming a single parent, you have to get up and show your kids life goes on. Bad things happen but you get up and move on. Make friends, make the best of situations, build a support network.

This reminds me of that ridiculous young woman that filmed herself crying whilst making her own birthday cake with some caption about being a single mother and then posted it online. 😂🙄
Birthdays are what you make them. If you approach it with a negative mindset then yes it will likely be rubbish.

I’m not going to be negative around my DC at all, we will have a birthday tea, cake and candles and celebrate me for sure. Just feels a bit different organising your own fun celebration I suppose!

I’m also not having some pity party as I’m seeing family over the weekend with all the kids etc. No friends that live close enough to pop in for the evening and the kids have been a bit crap at getting down lately so likely a bit too late for visitors once I get that all done.

You’re right though I need to just snap out of it, celebrate myself and enjoy my kids and then have a well deserved wine once they’re in bed.

Thanks all for giving my head a wobble!

@Lmnop22happy birthday for tomorrow! Hope you have a lovely day.

parenting a one year old can be pretty relentless. And on your birthday you’re doing the early morning wake up, bedtime routine etc alone. I completely understand.

Honestly there's plenty of women with partners who don't get any special treatment on their birthdays so to be honest, even if you weren't a single mum, don't think you'd be waking up to roses and breakfast in bed!

“wrap myself a present from my DC (5 and 1)”

I hope they know what the present is! Next year, give your five year old (who I assume will then be six) some money and tell him to choose you a present - eg “I’d really like some chocolate/hair ties/a notebook/whatever for my birthday, so you need to go and buy it and wrap it up for me. Remember it’s a surprise - don’t let me see it before my birthday! You don’t even have to go shopping specially; a supermarket will do. I’m sure DC would be pleased to have the responsibility, and then with a present and a cake, you’ve got a birthday!

I think this is it probably - just same old relentless routine even on my birthday.

But it is what I make it so I’ll get the party hats out, put them on a few of the kids’ toys, make a party tea and cake and enjoy their excitement!

That’s a nice idea for next year for sure! He would love that, didn’t really occur to me since he only goes where I take him to just him go off and choose something with some spending money - love that idea though.

I feel you. It is crap. There's only you to pamper you. But it's a good thing to teach your kids that everyone can celebrate and treat themselves.
It'll stop them feeling like we feel. So that's why I buck up, hang up my own happy birthday sign and post jolly pics on fb. I want it to be the norm for them whilst also growing their tasks/contributions year on year.

🎂🎉❤️

Have a lovely birthday. Get yourself something nice to eat/drink/watch/read in the evening. Model a happy birthday tea to you children. Do candles and sing. Then they know what it's meant to look like.

The thing is while they’re young you’re teaching them how to celebrate with you. This year my 12 and 14 year old bought me a gift from their allowance, decorated the house with banners and balloons and bought me a cake. It’s the first year they’ve been able to do it independently but all the years previously they’ve learned how to mark birthdays by seeing what I do for them and by seeing me do it for myself - your time will come, but in the meantime you’re teaching them.

When my were little, my mum would take them shopping and help them wrap etc. can your family do that? I would do it for them for their dad's birthday but he never returned the favour.

I had some hysterical moments when the DC were younger sitting on the packing shelf on the other side of the tills at Lidl watching them wandering around the store clutching the fiver I'd just given them, trying to choose me some chocolates. The best one was when 6 year old DS1 proudly hid the chocolates under his top (so I wouldn't see them) and marched straight through the tills to me without stopping to actually pay for them 🤦‍♀️. Oh yeah, and a couple of years later he was very upset to be stopped at the till with the bottle of wine he was intending to buy me 😆

I don't do it with them for their dad's birthday BECAUSE he would never return the favour 😈

Yes it’s disheartening - not because of expecting to wake up to breakfast and roses in bed or whatever someone said above, but not having someone to have a glass of fizz or whatever with in the evening when the kids are asleep.

you’re allowed to feel a bit down about it and some of the posts above minimising it are a bit mean IMO.

I am a single parent and I love holidays. It feels very cozy with just us. I would get more irritated staying with family over the holidays tbh, and I don’t miss the holiday arguing/having to put on a big meal and entertain while DH is relaxing chatting with friends.

Have a glass of vino and watch a film.

I think you just get used to them and you get used to not feeling like it's your birthday.

Once I was buying my own birthday cake in the supermarket. DC too young to do that. The check out operator commented someone else should be buying the cake for me.

I didn't get into the fact I had no one else.

When my kids were younger I used to put up the Christmas decorations on my birthday, we all loved it and its still a tradition now that I have 2 adults, 2 teens and 2 tweens.

I also used to take the older ones to the corner shop, give them some money and wait outside while they chose me a gift. Over the years I had weetabix, lots of sweets the kids love, some batteries and all sorts of other random nonsense.

I also used to buy cupcakes and let the kids decorate them for me as well, which is something else they still do.

It is difficult, but definitely get some of your own traditions going, you and the kids will love it and look back on the memories with great fondness.

I do think you get used to advocating for yourself though. No point in waiting for someone to remember your birthday (especially not the DC!)- if you want a fuss made, you have to TELL EVERYONE, REPEATEDLY AND IN ADVANCE, THAT IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY AND A FUSS MUST BE MADE!!

I organised my own 50th- it was nerve-wracking, but ultimately an epic success and I felt thoroughly spoilt. So many presents! (which I wasn't expecting, I just wanted people to turn up). But if I hadn't created the event on Facebook and repeatedly reminded people on all platforms, nobody would have remembered!

Pissing myself at the Weetabix 😆