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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think birthdays as a single mum are depressing?

39 replies

Lmnop22 · 05/06/2025 12:06

It’s my birthday tomorrow so I’m going to buy myself a cake and wrap myself a present from my DC (5 and 1) so that I have something to open in the morning and so there’s a cake to celebrate after work/school/nursery. Then they will go to bed and I’ll just be alone.

Don’t get me wrong, I will love the handmade cards they’ll likely make at school/nursery and there’s nobody I would rather spend time with then them but it just feels a bit sad and lonely….

OP posts:

FlippityFloppityFlump · 05/06/2025 13:30

If you don't have family or friends local, could you arrange a video call for once the kids are in bed so you can have a birthday catch up with friends. Glass of wine, some chocolates and a laugh for an hour.

I do this with friends scattered around the country as a way to catch up and have a laugh together

TeachesOfPeaches · 05/06/2025 13:34

Why do you think they will be making you handmade cards for your birthday at school and nursery? They usually only do that for Mother’s Day.

AuntyAgony · 05/06/2025 13:38

My husband left two weeks before my 40th birthday and it was so depressing. DC still made it fun though, and I had ordered a little cake and a present for myself so we kept things as normal as possible. Not going to lie, I was really sad but happy DC were there. I suspect it will get easier with time.

Happy birthday for tomorrow OP! 🥳 Hope you have a lovely day. Maybe you'll get a bit of me time when the kids are in bed and you can treat yourself to a nice bath/glass of wine/cake etc.

january1244 · 05/06/2025 14:09

YetiRosetti · 05/06/2025 13:19

Yes it’s disheartening - not because of expecting to wake up to breakfast and roses in bed or whatever someone said above, but not having someone to have a glass of fizz or whatever with in the evening when the kids are asleep.

you’re allowed to feel a bit down about it and some of the posts above minimising it are a bit mean IMO.

Yes exactly this. Sorry you’ve had some not nice responses

PilotFish · 05/06/2025 14:13

IHateMoist · 05/06/2025 12:39

This reminds me of that ridiculous young woman that filmed herself crying whilst making her own birthday cake with some caption about being a single mother and then posted it online. 😂🙄
Birthdays are what you make them. If you approach it with a negative mindset then yes it will likely be rubbish.

Turns out that ridiculous woman (if it's the viral video I am thinking of) lost custody of her children to her ex, and wasn't allowed to see them.

Endofyear · 05/06/2025 17:31

Lmnop22 · 05/06/2025 12:43

I’m not going to be negative around my DC at all, we will have a birthday tea, cake and candles and celebrate me for sure. Just feels a bit different organising your own fun celebration I suppose!

I’m also not having some pity party as I’m seeing family over the weekend with all the kids etc. No friends that live close enough to pop in for the evening and the kids have been a bit crap at getting down lately so likely a bit too late for visitors once I get that all done.

You’re right though I need to just snap out of it, celebrate myself and enjoy my kids and then have a well deserved wine once they’re in bed.

Thanks all for giving my head a wobble!

Get yourself some treats for when the kids are in bed, have a soak in a lovely bubble bath, get your comfiest pj's on and watch something you love! Happy birthday for tomorrow 💐

dunroamingfornow · 05/06/2025 17:40

I always book a day’s leave as a birthday present to myself. I take DS to school then spend the day looking after me. I’ve been known to go to a spa or lunch. Occasionally I will go out with a friend. The other thing I do is save up vouchers or points so I can treat myself during the day. Either way don’t wait for others to celebrate with you !

ExercicenformedeZ · 05/06/2025 19:39

crackofdoom · 05/06/2025 13:17

I don't do it with them for their dad's birthday BECAUSE he would never return the favour 😈

Show quote history

Is their dad your partner or your ex? I hope the latter.

Original poster

Lmnop22 · 05/06/2025 19:41

TeachesOfPeaches · 05/06/2025 13:34

Why do you think they will be making you handmade cards for your birthday at school and nursery? They usually only do that for Mother’s Day.

Well I know DS is because he’s allowed to do whatever crafts he wants at school and he said he was going to make me a card tomorrow. I don’t expect my DD will because I obviously haven’t mentioned it’s my birthday and she’s only 1

OP posts:

CherryadeLemonade · 05/06/2025 20:01

I kind of agree, I know people are trying to be positive but last year sat in Pizza Hut (had to pick a kiddy restaurant not somewhere I would have chosen) alone with my kids couldn’t help but feel how depressing it is.

PDZeus · 05/06/2025 22:57

arghhhhh123 · 05/06/2025 12:12

Absolutely celebrate it! Cake and present and maybe some flowers and a nice drink? I don’t drink alcohol but even some nice pink lemonade or something. The children will be excited. It’s important to show them you’re worth of celebration too.

It’s depressing if you allow it to be. Think of all the women who get nothing from their partner anyway, or have to buy gifts for their partner to give them. That’s worse.

Edited

couldn’t agree more with showing your children you are worth having a day of celebrating you.
i went through the years of buying by own presents and cake as their father would never do it (ex btw) despite me doing it for them for him.
now they are teens they go to the shop themselves with the pocket money they have saved and earned and buy me something they can afford they they know i’ll like.
they make me breakfast in bed and sort out the takeaway for tea (i do pay for this but they order, lay the table, clear up).
this is because i showed them that these things and little acts of kindness and thoughtfulness matter from an early age.
what also made a difference was friends and family recognising that i might appreciate a bit ‘extra’ that day and help my children wrap a present or make a card.
it will get better for you in time. just model the behaviour you want to see them learn for when they are old enough to implement it themselves.

alcoholnightmare · 05/06/2025 23:02

I hear you on this. Totally. This will be my second birthday as a single parent… but this one is my 40th 😔. I’ll admit I’m gutted.
my 39th last year when exH and I were very newly separated… he gave me a card from the kids (all young) and my gift was “when you lose weight, I’ll take you shopping for some new clothes”. I’m embarrassed to say that I thanked him for my ‘gift’ which of course never came.

Missj25 · 05/06/2025 23:03

Lmnop22 · 05/06/2025 12:06

Don’t get me wrong, I will love the handmade cards they’ll likely make at school/nursery and there’s nobody I would rather spend time with then them but it just feels a bit sad and lonely….

Happy Birthday OP 🎈😊…
I completely get what you’re saying , yes it’s nice obviously you will celebrate with your kids , lonely aswel not to have a partner to share your birthday with .. I’m sure lots feel the same ..
Won’t always be like that though, & you will meet someone nice x

Eenameenadeeka · 05/06/2025 23:06

I hear what you are saying. I hope you have a lovely day with your children, I'm sure in a few years they will be making special surprises for you, happy birthday 🎂

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