Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my child to be quiet?

72 replies

veryveryimportant · 05/06/2025 08:10

And I feel mean but I feel like he never stops talking, ever, it’s just this constant narration and it wouldn’t be too bad if you could tune out but he demands your participation if you like (‘mummy? MUMMY?’)

Increasingly at the moment the younger one will start whining and crying and he just talks over her so I have them both jarring my ears.

Ifeel mean but I’ve just told him that I need him to stop talking to me for a while. (He is 4 and a half.)

OP posts:
spoonbillstretford · 05/06/2025 16:44

Everyone tells their kids to shush at times.

DD2 is 16 and still gets all animated at bed time and starts talking nineteen to the dozen.

To ask my child to be quiet?
BIossomtoes · 05/06/2025 16:45

1HappyTraveller · 05/06/2025 16:41

It’s not unreasonable to be triggered by this. But YABU with your response in asking a 4 year old to be quiet. Manage yourself - redirect his attention or remove yourself from the situation if you can. Tell him you need your own quiet space for 5 minutes so you are going to give him a task to complete (I.E. a puzzle, some tidying, some drawing) and then come back once you’ve had some breathing space. But please don’t tell him to be quiet. Imagine how he would feel hearing this.

Edited

The same way he’s going feel when he starts school and is told to be quiet I imagine. Better to get him used to it.

LavenderBlue19 · 05/06/2025 16:45

It is absolutely ok to tell your child to be quiet. Why on earth would it not be?! They need to learn that it's not always appropriate to talk incessantly and interrupt.

Perhaps this explains why some of my friends' children just say Mummymummymummymummymummymummy until they get an answer 🙄

feelingbleh · 05/06/2025 16:46

1HappyTraveller · 05/06/2025 16:41

It’s not unreasonable to be triggered by this. But YABU with your response in asking a 4 year old to be quiet. Manage yourself - redirect his attention or remove yourself from the situation if you can. Tell him you need your own quiet space for 5 minutes so you are going to give him a task to complete (I.E. a puzzle, some tidying, some drawing) and then come back once you’ve had some breathing space. But please don’t tell him to be quiet. Imagine how he would feel hearing this.

Edited

Or just tell him to shut the hell up before mummy loses her shit. Both are good options

Skulling · 05/06/2025 16:48

Kids whose parents don’t teach them that they can’t always be the centre of everyone’s attention are a bloody nightmare. Of course it’s fine to tell a 4-year-old kindly that you need some quiet time sometimes FGS! Why so many parents seem to be terrified of teaching their own children to behave considerately is beyond me.

Manthide · 05/06/2025 16:50

minipie · 05/06/2025 12:10

God I also have the non stop talking children. Two of them. And when they aren’t talking they are humming, singing, tapping, bouncing a ball… you get the idea. I feel your pain OP.

I think asking for quiet is fine but it’s all about how you phrase it. “Let’s both have some quiet time” is a lot nicer than “please stop talking”.

Ds22 is coming back from university soon and he constantly stims. He is ND, I often have to tell him to find a different stim or I'll go mad eg clicking a biro pen constantly. And sometimes I very politely tell him I'm really not interested in the East West railway or the major road works on the A428 and he doesn't take the hint! Still love him to bits.

1HappyTraveller · 05/06/2025 16:52

LavenderBlue19 · 05/06/2025 16:45

It is absolutely ok to tell your child to be quiet. Why on earth would it not be?! They need to learn that it's not always appropriate to talk incessantly and interrupt.

Perhaps this explains why some of my friends' children just say Mummymummymummymummymummymummy until they get an answer 🙄

I think it’s more the language.
I acknowledge them, I explain that I’m in the middle of something or that I’m speaking to someone else, and that they need to wait their turn. Or try redirect when I’m busy. I try to avoid telling them to be quiet/stop talking etc. Just my approach.

Outnumbered83 · 05/06/2025 17:02

I feel a huge sensory overload when my 8 year old is giving a running commentary on absolutely everything and the baby is crying. I absolutely do ask my 8 year old to take a breath for 10 minutes and have some quiet time.

Skulling · 05/06/2025 17:03

But please don’t tell him to be quiet. Imagine how he would feel hearing this.

Good grief, how is he going to feel hearing this at school when his teacher tells him he needs to stop talking so that he and the other 29 kids in the class can listen?! Nobody is advocating screaming at him to shut up; simply a kind but firm “I need some quiet time now, please play quietly for a few minutes while I do XYZ”. That is hardly going to scar a child for life!

zingally · 05/06/2025 17:04

Like another poster said, start doing "quiet time". I put it in place with my twins when they were about 3ish. They had to go and play quietly in their own rooms, separately, for 30 minutes. They took a drink upstairs, and if there was anything they wanted from downstairs, they could take that as well. They could only leave their room if they needed the toilet, or when I came to fetch them.
To start with, getting them settled took a while, but before I knew it they were doing an hour on their own each day, and I could just have a bit of quiet time to myself.

1HappyTraveller · 05/06/2025 17:08

Skulling · 05/06/2025 17:03

But please don’t tell him to be quiet. Imagine how he would feel hearing this.

Good grief, how is he going to feel hearing this at school when his teacher tells him he needs to stop talking so that he and the other 29 kids in the class can listen?! Nobody is advocating screaming at him to shut up; simply a kind but firm “I need some quiet time now, please play quietly for a few minutes while I do XYZ”. That is hardly going to scar a child for life!

Edited

Possibly just the way I read it/interpreted it/imagined it being said in the context of the post. I posted again further on in another reply. That’s just my approach. Appreciate that others may do things differently.

edited to add… you didn’t actually use the words “be quiet” in your example of how you would approach it. Which is the point I was making.

Skulling · 05/06/2025 17:14

1HappyTraveller · 05/06/2025 17:08

Possibly just the way I read it/interpreted it/imagined it being said in the context of the post. I posted again further on in another reply. That’s just my approach. Appreciate that others may do things differently.

edited to add… you didn’t actually use the words “be quiet” in your example of how you would approach it. Which is the point I was making.

Edited
Show quote history

Hmmm, OK: “please be quiet for a moment so I can concentrate, then we can talk later”.
Still sounds fine to me!

sarah419 · 05/06/2025 17:16

You’re not mean at all. That’s just being human. Everyone has a limit, and it’s okay to need a bit of quiet—especially when both kids are going at once. You handled it honestly and gently.

Skulling · 05/06/2025 17:20

sarah419 · 05/06/2025 17:16

You’re not mean at all. That’s just being human. Everyone has a limit, and it’s okay to need a bit of quiet—especially when both kids are going at once. You handled it honestly and gently.

Exactly - it is good for children to learn that everyone has their limits. It’s part of how they learn healthy boundaries. I genuinely don’t understand why anyone would be opposed to this!

Kaybee50 · 05/06/2025 17:21

Mine was like this at this age. He was totally obsessed with dinosaurs and talked about them nonstop (including when I spent most of the time with my head down the toilet with pregnancy sickness) He would recite dinosaur facts to me whilst I was throwing up! He’s now 18 and says very little. I kind of miss those times!

ERthree · 05/06/2025 17:26

How the hell have we got to a point where a parent thinks that be telling their child to hush ( not STFU) is going to send their child to therapy as an adult. The world has gone mad. I think SM has a lot to do with elevating women and children to Madonna and deity level.

WaterFallFairy · 05/06/2025 17:30

It's fine.. my 9 almost 10 yo does NoT stop talking.. he's usually asked 100 questions before I even get out of bed in the morning. He will talk for hours and you cannot get a word in.. love him for it though.. my other 3 don't ramble like he does xx

SonK · 05/06/2025 17:38

That can be rather hurtful but I don't blame you for being annoyed.

I would suggest introducing "quiet" time - turn it into a game or activity.

For example say we are going to have quiet time for an hour at noon and introduce some colouring activities/ puzzle or books.

Then kindly remind him it's quiet time you are both enjoying x

You could join in with him but do any admin/ reading you need to do yourself

1HappyTraveller · 05/06/2025 17:38

Skulling · 05/06/2025 17:14

Hmmm, OK: “please be quiet for a moment so I can concentrate, then we can talk later”.
Still sounds fine to me!

Show quote history

And I wouldn’t disagree with that.

But OP words were:

“To ask my child to be quiet?”

and

“I’ve just told him that I need him to stop talking to me for a while.”

Your approach offers a bit of an explanation for a child to understand and learn.

I would not just say “can you be quiet” nor would I just tell my kid to “stop talking for a while”. At least not without offering any explanation or redirection. “Quiet time” helps. Again I’m just considering the language used in the OP and the tone in which it might be delivered.

PurpleChrayn · 05/06/2025 17:39

I tell mine to stop yapping if it gets too much.

Kangarude · 05/06/2025 17:44

My DS was exactly the same as a child.. he’s in his 40’s now and it continues, but by WhatsApp. Constantly messaging about random crap 😂

rainbowstardrops · 05/06/2025 18:06

ERthree · 05/06/2025 17:26

How the hell have we got to a point where a parent thinks that be telling their child to hush ( not STFU) is going to send their child to therapy as an adult. The world has gone mad. I think SM has a lot to do with elevating women and children to Madonna and deity level.

I think I tend to agree with you!
My kids are in their 20’s now and I’m pretty sure they’re not damaged by being asked to just shh for a bit because I just need a few minutes of peace!
It seems so namby pamby these days

Skulling · 05/06/2025 18:10

I take your point, but perhaps OP had already tried a more “gentle” approach, only for it to be ignored. Sometimes children need to hear a change in tone to realise that the request/instruction needs to be listened to. In any case, if a child is generally spoken to lovingly and is well cared for and respected, the occasional “Oh just be quiet for a minute!” when you’ve already asked them kindly and been ignored is not going to do them any harm whatsoever — far from it.

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 05/06/2025 18:17

1HappyTraveller · 05/06/2025 16:41

It’s not unreasonable to be triggered by this. But YABU with your response in asking a 4 year old to be quiet. Manage yourself - redirect his attention or remove yourself from the situation if you can. Tell him you need your own quiet space for 5 minutes so you are going to give him a task to complete (I.E. a puzzle, some tidying, some drawing) and then come back once you’ve had some breathing space. But please don’t tell him to be quiet. Imagine how he would feel hearing this.

Edited

🤦‍♀️🙄

spoonbillstretford · 05/06/2025 18:36

Frankly the people out there who were never told to shush as a kid are a pain in the arse to the rest of the world.