9m old, FT work, burnt out

[BrooklynBridge89]

The title says it all. I had to go back to work at 6 months, full time. Between working, pumping, breastfeeding at home, entertaining a little ball of energy, broken nights of sleep, I am soooo done. I'm so stuck.

I feel like I'm drowning. I have no motivation to do anything. I'm falling behind at work. Some days I just stare at the screen. For 8 hours. I get so little sleep at the moment (child has been relentlessly teething for the last month), I am fueled by sugar to get through the day. So I am getting fatter by the minute which doesn't help my state of mind.

I don't know what to do. I can't just go away for a weekend, I'm still breastfeeding and my milk supply is "just enough", I don't have a freezer full and it would be impossible to build up. Baby does not take formula. I have no close childfree friends to go with anyway, all my friends have kids or are pregnant. Can't be arsed going by myself anyway.

DH keeps telling me to go out. I don't want another spa day. And I certainly don't want a day with my friends who all have small babies and just talk about nappies. I have to go to a baby shower this weekend and I might jump off a bridge to avoid it. A couple of not so close childfree friends want to go out for drinks but fuck me, I don't want to go for cocktails at 9 pm when I know I might be woken up at 1am, 3am, 5am and 6am.

I don't know. Any suggestions except a spa day? Or at least some positivity? Anything to look forward to? Nothing baby related please. Dear god, nothing involving babies. I am drowning in baby.

Oh and I know everyone on mumsnet seems to work part time and 90% of the replies will tell me to drop my hours but that is not an option. My job cannot be done part time.

Agree with this. I work FT WFH most days, it’s hard when my son is at home (dad does 2 x weekdays at home with him). Honestly going into the office one day a week I feel like a new woman even though I’m tired, I can switch off from worrying about what’s happening at home, seeing the pile of washing etc. I do my work, chat to my colleagues, have my lunch in peace or with other adults, pop to the shops before commuting home.

If you have no office can you work from a shared space or cafe a couple of mornings a week to get a breather & stop it feeling like the walls are closing in?

Fully wfh long term is dreadful for focus and freedom, not great for visibility either. Yes it allows more time ‘life admin’ but it’s good to have chunks of time where you can’t do chores/be available to family etc.

Exactly. Yes there are lots of benefits to WFH as mums but I do think sometimes we fall into the trap of trying to do everything adding to the stress… if I was in office or on site FT I wouldn’t be able to do as many of the chores at home and would need to accept that. Just because WFH means I can do an extra load of washing or hoover the kitchen on my lunch break doesn’t mean I should. My DH does a lot when he’s at home but doesn’t fret about what needs doing at home when he’s at work all day.

You are at the worst of it right now.

Don’t give up breast feeding if you don’t want to. In a couple of months your baby should be able to do a 8/9 hour day on solids (mine did at 12 months, she wouldn’t take a bottle and was doing full days at nursery, and was quite a fussy with eating at that point). Then you will be able to feed when you pick them up. Try and cut down bottles gradually.

In terms of pumping, are your work giving you a dedicated space to pump and breaks to pump and clean parts? They legally have to do this.

In terms of sleeping, have you tried co sleeping? It may allow you to get more better quality sleep. Look at the safe sleep 7.

I can safely say the first year back is really tough but it does get easier and you find a flow.