to not throw a birthday party for my 3 year old?

[Yellowtracktor]

Was just planning on a low key bbq with grandparents and cousin like we've done the last 2 years, but my dc is starting to get invited to proper 3rd birthday parties for other kids at nursery (soft play etc). I guess I'm just worried that her birthday will come around next month and she'll be upset that she isn't having a "real" party?

What would you do?

If it's next month you've probably got away with it until she's 4! My DS was planning what he was going to have at his 3rd birthday party from about 9 months in advance.

I think I’d ask my child if they would be upset and try to emphasise the benefits of my preferred option while doing so. ;)

YANBU Birthday parties are entirely optional and quite frankly a massive pain to plan/organise and implement.

I wouldn't be asking a 3 year old for their opinion or decision either.

If a child was old enough to request a party of their own accord I would discuss the possibility with them and whether the budget for the party affected their present. For us, it was either party or present.

We did occasionally have parties/birthday treats with friends but I was always very clear on the parameters of how many people/what the budget was.

It'll definitely still be a real party in her mind. Personally I think 4 is the perfect age for a first party with friends.

I also wouldn't ask her.

I think 3 they still aren’t really that bothered. We are doing one for DD2 but that’s mostly because we want to get a lot of friends and kids together for a summer gathering, not because DD2 has asked for one or would feel hard done by not having one.

Yeah, I definitely wouldn't ask her either - I would instead be saying stuff like 'oh, Lucy's having her party at soft play. You're having a barbecue for yours with [insert names of cousins]! Shall we get balloons?

I didn’t start until 4 and I probably could have waited another year as she just got a bit overwhelmed and then everyone cried. You can make a bit of a fuss with special ice cream sundaes or whatever and maybe one wee friend round if that works.

Don't need to throw a party for a 3-year old. I didn't for any of mine. By the time they are in school it's different. For 4 year olds we had a cake with friends in a playground affair.

OP, I have a 3.5 year old and they’ve been going on about their 4th birthday for a month (it’s not til winter!!!).

Do enjoy this last year party-free because soon it’ll be bouncy castles and balloons and mascot visits and Elsie from nursery who’s gluten free so can’t eat the buffet and party themes changing every 2 minutes and the trying to find someone you know with a Costco card so you can get a big cake and worry that nobody comes.

Depends on the child. Lots of 3 year olds don’t have parties like that as they find them overwhelming. But many love them. Does your child like going to other kids’ parties? That would be my test. If so, then I’m all honesty I think it’s a bit mean not to have a proper children’s party with some special child activity like soft play for him. Of course you have a family celebration as well, but having family round for a BBQ, even with some balloons and cake etc and if you give him presents, won’t feel like a real party to him.

if your child doesn’t enjoy the other children’s parties, though, that’s entirely different.

In my experience birthday parties don't seem to start until the 5th birthday when the kids have started school. We did a family bbq when DS turned 3 and he loved it. When we bought out the paddling pool it was like all his birthdays had come at once! At that age we didn't ask him either, just planned something fun. Enjoy these years where a full-on party isn't needed.

It's not my intention to be mean. I didn't realise 3rd parties were the done thing. It's only been the last month or so that she's been invited to a few. And now seems a bit late to organise one for her.

It is too late to organise one, and it's not mean! At 3, they can enjoy going to parties but they don't necessarily have that many actual friends because they're only just growing out of parallel play and into cooperative play with specific groups of friends. So even if your DD seems a little disappointed you can just big up the party she's having with family instead and she'll probably like it just as much - because it's more about 'having a party' than it is about spending it with specific friends.

They're really not the done thing everywhere for everyone.

No need to start all the keeping up with the Joneses thing so early on.

If it was a big deal to her you would know. The birthdays you've done so far are just fine and will continue to be just fine for at least another year if not two unless she begins to want more.

If I were in your shoes I would have your usual party this year and wait and see what happens next year.

I didn't bother with a nursery party for my 3yo's 3rd birthday and she didn't seem to mind. I didn't bother as she was just in that nursery for ages 2-3 and she'd stop seeing them once she moved up to a school nursery in a few months.
I knew she'd be moving up to a school nursery by the time of her 4th birthday and that felt like a more worthwhile investment, as we'd be establishing long term friendships throughout primary school.

My 3 year old didn't have a party (we had a nice day out instead), because we don't know enough other children that age and even if we did, I'm an introvert and want to delay parties as long as possible! At the proper venues e.g soft play the prices are extortionate too, I'm honestly not sure we'll ever be able to afford it as well as presents.

I'd say having a family bbq is a kind of party anyway!

I feel you OP. We've went low key so far (DS is 4) but it's hard when all his nursery friends have soft play parties every year! I've just kept repeating parties are for big birthdays but don't think I'll get away with it when school starts!!

Echo this, we make the birthday tea at home into a "party". Just get balloons and decorations etc, make a little fuss.

If you have friends with children the same age, you could invite them to the bbq so she's got a few little friends to play with. We did this when our kids were small before school age, get the paddling pool out and sandpit, they'll keep themselves occupied!

It's definitely not too late to organise one, it takes 10 mins to book your nearest soft play and you could get the invites out next day! I wouldn't go as far as saying it's mean not to though, it's up to you. Having said that, they have so few. Mine is 7 now and those types of big parties are pretty much over.

Oh good point, I was thinking of my local soft play, where it most likely would be too late!

I started with 4th birthday parties. By then they were in the school nursery so the class would be their friendship groups for years to come. Before that I would consider it a waste of money as I didn’t know the parents, kids were always moving in and out of the nursery rooms and my DC didn’t have a strong attachment to anyone as they just played with whoever. So essentially it’s spending £100s just to entertain a bunch of randoms you’ll probably never see again. If I had a close group of mates like NCT or something with kids all the same age I probably would have felt differently though!

We haven't done a party she will be five in 2 months. We asked her if she wanted a holiday or a party- she chose a holiday (I am relieved- and better sort her passport this week!!)

Parties for 3 yo aren't common at all around here, I don't think they properly start before school.

We just invited a couple of his friends (and their parents) to join our plans and that went really well. More like a glorified play date at home, with cake and balloons, and he still talks about his "party" 6 months later.
We've been invited a couple of times, and it was similar, mostly family with a couple of nursery friends.

We didn’t bother with parties till
primary - so 5th birthday