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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dad's body stuck in hospital.

51 replies

Sugargliderwombat · 04/06/2025 14:51

So my dad died on Saturday.

He has a mad family and so listed me and one of them as next of kin so I didn't have to deal with them all during his death. All his words he's quite distant from them.

The ward never updated the system properly, just kept it as a note for their ward.

He died alone in A&E on Monday after being discharged by palliative care.

Somewhere along the way an uncle with limited mobility who, apparently, is mostly stoned has ended up as next of kin, definitely an error as my dad was too breathless and confused to really talk and my mum confirmed with the ward the day before that I was still listed.

My dad died alone because my phone number wasn't on the system.

When the nurse called my uncle to say he was dying he said he was going to have some tea and come up, never did.

The issue is now they won't issue me the medical certificate, just this stoned uncle who wasn't bothered but now suddenly wants to collect it. I've no idea why but it means we can't register the death or begin funeral arrangements becaye of this.

What can I do?! Surely the ward has notes that I was next of kin? The Dr got permission from my dad but obviously didn't do any proper admin with it.

OP posts:
Soretongue · 04/06/2025 14:53

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Soretongue · 04/06/2025 14:55

Are you executor of his will?
does he have a will?
either way op…. The ball is in your uncle’s court. What the hospital list as the contact next of kin doesn’t have any impact on anything beyond who they contact

Zoraflora · 04/06/2025 14:55

Im so so sorry for you loss and the way the hospital handled things has just made everything way more stressful for you.

Could you try talk to uncle and see if he would be happy to let you take over arrangements once cert has been issued.

Tillow4ever · 04/06/2025 14:59

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Oh do fuck off. The OP has just lost their father, who they clearly care very much about, and you felt this was the time to make them feel bad about not being there? There was nothing to indicate the OP hasn’t visited, but it did say they had just her discharged from palliative care so it sounds like an administrative cock up. Relatives are allowed to go home you know?

OP I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t know what needs doing done, but I hope you can get it sorted.

hyggetyggedotorg · 04/06/2025 15:01

Ask to speak to the hospital’s legal representative/team. In this situation they will make the decision on who the body is released to (family wise).

My siblings & I had to do this when our mum died as her abusive ex (but crucially not divorced) husband tried to take control, expressly against mum’s final wishes.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s absolutely heartbreaking.

MissMoneyFairy · 04/06/2025 15:08

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What's that got to do with anything, if her dad put op as next of kin or first contact that should have been updated in his records, at some point wss his brother was listed. It is upsetting and frustrating, is there an executor and a will? Could you ask uncle if you could both go to collect the medical certificate or help with the funeral arrangements his death needs to be registered within 5 days I think, so someone needs to has this been done.

Rainbow1235 · 04/06/2025 15:10

I have no advise but just wanted to say I’m very sorry for your sad loss 🫶

Original poster
Sugargliderwombat · 04/06/2025 15:12

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Yes.

OP posts:
Zeborah · 04/06/2025 15:17

So sorry for your loss. Please don’t let your uncle register his death. The death certificate is a powerful document, being next of kin, not so.

CrotchetyQuaver · 04/06/2025 15:21

I've been through something similar with my husband who died 3 weeks ago. They kept calling my daughter instead despite numerous requests by us not too, we saw the alterations in the computer record but still it kept happening. Just contact the hospital department. Explain who you are and take it from there.

It took me 2 weeks to get his body out of the hospital, until the Medical Examiner has established the cause of death and issued the medical death certificate which needs to be signed by a doctor to the local registrar it wasn't possible to register his death. So it does take time.

Original poster
Sugargliderwombat · 04/06/2025 15:22

Soretongue · 04/06/2025 14:55

Are you executor of his will?
does he have a will?
either way op…. The ball is in your uncle’s court. What the hospital list as the contact next of kin doesn’t have any impact on anything beyond who they contact

Thank you everyone.

He had no will. But I was next of kin, it was an error to remove us and add the person staying at the house temporarily. They just won't rectify it. I've had an apology from palliative care who have spoken to the ward but it's obviously achieved nothing.

Just to add more background that side of the family want to bury him when he didn't want to be, due to their religious reasons (not his).

We also need to register the death and I dont think he even knows to do that.

The bereavement office won't even return my calls becayse I'm not the next of kin despite palliative care going down to speak to them.

OP posts:
Westfacing · 04/06/2025 15:23

I'm sorry that your Dad died alone and you're having difficulties. Can you try the hospital again?

Last year my ex died alone due to being admitted as an emergency and him having not updated Next of Kin/Contact number of our eldest son, who lives abroad. Younger son went to the hospital when he found out through a neighbour, think it was called Bereavement department, and received all the relevant information to proceed with registering death.

So technically he wasn't listed as NoK but was still his son - surely as your Dad's daughter you are deemed to be eligible, for what of a better word.

I don't think NoK/Contact has any legal status.

Original poster
Sugargliderwombat · 04/06/2025 15:24

CrotchetyQuaver · 04/06/2025 15:21

I've been through something similar with my husband who died 3 weeks ago. They kept calling my daughter instead despite numerous requests by us not too, we saw the alterations in the computer record but still it kept happening. Just contact the hospital department. Explain who you are and take it from there.

It took me 2 weeks to get his body out of the hospital, until the Medical Examiner has established the cause of death and issued the medical death certificate which needs to be signed by a doctor to the local registrar it wasn't possible to register his death. So it does take time.

Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss, it sounds like your hospital were more helpful as the certificate has been issued and he has been told he can go and collect it, they sounded unfussed about us going instead but have changed their tune (I'm not sure why, maybe they've realised they can control the funeral arrangements?) . The hospital won't speak to me at all (except palliative care).

OP posts:
Original poster
Sugargliderwombat · 04/06/2025 15:25

Westfacing · 04/06/2025 15:23

I'm sorry that your Dad died alone and you're having difficulties. Can you try the hospital again?

Last year my ex died alone due to being admitted as an emergency and him having not updated Next of Kin/Contact number of our eldest son, who lives abroad. Younger son went to the hospital when he found out through a neighbour, think it was called Bereavement department, and received all the relevant information to proceed with registering death.

So technically he wasn't listed as NoK but was still his son - surely as your Dad's daughter you are deemed to be eligible, for what of a better word.

I don't think NoK/Contact has any legal status.

Thank you, my brother and sister are heading there now I will pass this on.

OP posts:
DrPrunesqualer · 04/06/2025 15:26

You need a death certificate to register a death.
Just get it off your uncle.

Anyone can register a death and if there’s no will immediate next of kin can make decisions re burial etc
you and your mum are next of kin

WitchesofPainswick · 04/06/2025 15:27

Did he have a power of attourney for health or finances?

If no spouse, no will, no power of attourney - it's a bit of a pickle. Good luck.

DrPrunesqualer · 04/06/2025 15:28

Sugargliderwombat · 04/06/2025 15:24

Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss, it sounds like your hospital were more helpful as the certificate has been issued and he has been told he can go and collect it, they sounded unfussed about us going instead but have changed their tune (I'm not sure why, maybe they've realised they can control the funeral arrangements?) . The hospital won't speak to me at all (except palliative care).

Show quote history

They can’t control the funeral arrangements
You are next of kin.
Whatever the hospital have written down is irrelevant in this regard

BIossomtoes · 04/06/2025 15:28

The trust website should tell you who the chief executive is. A call direct to him or her should get things moving. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sometimes the bureaucracy in the NHS is absolutely obdurate.

Westfacing · 04/06/2025 15:31

DrPrunesqualer · 04/06/2025 15:26

You need a death certificate to register a death.
Just get it off your uncle.

Anyone can register a death and if there’s no will immediate next of kin can make decisions re burial etc
you and your mum are next of kin

You get a death certificate when you register the death.

Prior to that appointment with the Registrar the Bereavement Office at the hospital electronically transfer the details to the Registrar, and you turn up with various documents that you're required to take.

DramaAlpaca · 04/06/2025 15:35

I've no advice, just want to say I'm very sorry for your loss and for how this has all been handled. Just awful, it must be so stressful Flowers

Westfacing · 04/06/2025 15:37

WitchesofPainswick · 04/06/2025 15:27

Did he have a power of attourney for health or finances?

If no spouse, no will, no power of attourney - it's a bit of a pickle. Good luck.

Power of Attorney ends when the person dies - so that wouldn't help.

DrPrunesqualer · 04/06/2025 15:40

Westfacing · 04/06/2025 15:31

You get a death certificate when you register the death.

Prior to that appointment with the Registrar the Bereavement Office at the hospital electronically transfer the details to the Registrar, and you turn up with various documents that you're required to take.

Show quote history

Thanks for pointing out my mistake there @Westfacing

The doctors don’t issue a death certificate
its a medical certificate

Ten years ago that was in paper format and we had to pick it up at the hospital.
It seems things have changed now.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 04/06/2025 15:44

Definitely the case that as offspring of the deceased, you are next of kin. We came across this issue in our wider family a couple of years ago.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 04/06/2025 16:18

Nothing to add but want to offer my condolences to you ❤️

Bumcake · 04/06/2025 16:23

Sorry you’re going through this. Could PALS help?