To ban neighbourhood kids from my house?

[TealScroller]

Just wondering if I'm being harsh here... My DD7 has some friends from nearby (siblings between ages of 4 and 9) who she plays out with in the street regularly. Occasionally they come in the house to play for short amounts of time which is sometimes unsupervised due to us working from home/cooking dinner etc. The issue is that I've witnessed one of the kids pulling wallpaper off in clumps, shampoo emptied down the sink, toys destroyed, makeup rubbed into carpets etc. My daughter has been bollocked about this more times than I can remember and I've talked to the kids about not touching things that aren't theirs countless times too. I've stopped the neighbour kids from coming into the house as they've crossed the threshold but then often find my daughter has sneaked them in! These kids aren't bad, just seem to have zero discipline at home and are allowed out till fairly late at night, go in other people's gardens, there's been issues with pulling up neighbours plants and leaving bikes etc in other neighbours gardens. My issue is how far you can go with telling other peoples kids off or banning them from our home without their parents getting pissed off or depriving my DD of playmates? Our house is pretty small so I always know where my daughter is and usually what she's up to.
Should I have a word with the parents? They're nice people but let their kids run riot and probably don't see any issue with destructive behaviour but I want to stay on friendly terms with them,

Try keeping your daughter in for a week or so. If anyone knocks for her, say she is not playing out. They will then start to knock less. After this let her out, making it very clear no ones allowed in. If she sneeks anyone in, keep her 8n for a few days, repeat.

That’s the age old problem with letting kids play out; endless other kids knocking for them then overstepping the mark. As pp said keep your daughter in

If she's sneaking them in and disobeying then i agree with PP, keep her in for a bit and explain why.

I think you can tell a kid off for damaging your home, regardless of whose kids they are!

We got a dpuppy. A rottweiler.. Our door stopped being a bloody revolving door then..

It's difficult keeping her in as she just wants to play out with her friends, but perhaps I'll have to consider it. It's easier than what I sometimes do which is stand by the window and calling out when I see them all doing something they shouldn't be doing in other people's gardens! It's also harder to teach her respect when she sees her friends behaving badly.

At those ages they should be supervised/kept an eye on, especially the younger ones.

You have only two options - supervise or stop her playing out. She's too young to be out alone without some supervision - clearly she's not old enough to walk away when there is misbehaviour.

You can absolutely say no to having other children in your home.

You need to address your DD's behaviour - she should not allow anyone in the home without your knowledge, that's basic. She is your priority, get things straightened out there before worrying about other people's parenting.

FFS don't be so wet. This is basic discipline.

My daughter is almost always supervised (small house, small quiet street) unfortunately the other kids rarely are, especially the 4 yr old who can be out for hours and not checked up on. We once saw her fall out of a downstairs window and ran over to pick her up, her parents hadn't even noticed!

In what way is it difficult to keep a 7 year old in the house? Tell her they aren’t allowed in the house due to their behaviour, and if she sneaks them in again, she won’t be playing out for X days. And then just keep her in if she breaks the rule.

Honestly I can't believe some of the things I read on here! These kids are destroying your / your neighbours' property and you're wondering whether you should say something? Your daughter needs firm boundaries too - she clearly can't be trusted to do what you tell her (sneaking the kids into your home?!) so she needs supervision and / or consequences until she gets the message. If she's playing out with these kids and they are up to mischief then how sure are you that she's not involved in the goings on? If you're not careful you'll have a neighbour banging on your door saying that the kids have destoyed their garden.

They're obviously not being supervised in your house otherwise they wouldn't be ruining toys, rubbing makeup etc in to the carpet and everything else you've accused them of.

It comes with territory. No need to be so controlling.

How can she be almost always supervised and also repeatedly sneaking children into the house?

What are you calling controlling? OP not wanting wallpaper torn off the walls, make up rubbed into carpets and shampoo poured down the sink? I think you’d have to be very very laid back to not have an issue with that!

That's what young kids do, they must have been playing some game which is good for them rather than did it on purpose.
She had kids so she needs to adapt her standards. Houses with kids have wallpaper ripped off and make up in carpets, not an instagram cleanliness tidiness freakshow.
Unless they just come in and start ripping it off which I doubt??

Shampoo down the sink is very normal play. Making bubbles in the bathroom

If you are working from home your DD is probably very bored. What do you do for her after school so that she might not want to see these kids as much. If she is at the park or out, they couldn't come in.

This is so unfamiliar to me. All kids around here are dropped and picked up / arranged to play. Kids are not playing in the streets here. Everything is arranged, I’m so glad it’s this way because I would absolutely loathe kids in and out of my house at any time they wish. Go back to doing this op. My dc have lots of friends and asking if friends can come over has never stopped them from having friends.

I can't be the only one who thinks DD7 is way too young to play on the street unsupervised??
She's clearly not being supervised at home either if she's sneaking other people into the house. I'd be very concerned that a child that young is allowing people into the home and the parents have no idea.
OP, you need to put a stop to the unsupervised playing both in and out of the house. She's too young for that.

What kind of ship are you running there? Ripping wallpaper off?!?

That child wouldn't be welcome ever again

Shampoo down the sink isn't normal play

It's a waste and a lack of respect

it is not normal play for kids to be destructive and rip off wallpaper and mash things into the carpet. they are not being brought up to respect other people's property if they behave like that. you won't be able to teach them decent behaviour though if their own parents don't.

your DD needs to learn that she does not bring them into the house, and if she can't be trusted then she doesn't go out to play with them. try getting other friends over for playdates instead.

we lived in a small estate of houses when DD was little and all the kids played together, but one rule was, they were not allowed in houses, only in gardens. as parents we all stuck to this when there was a group of them. none of those children were destructive though.

you are the parent here, your house, your rules, so you need to make your own dd behave to start with, which is consequences for her if she lets them in. Don't let her out if she can't behave.

You don't have to let her mix with feral kids if you don't want to.

I have a friend who would allow her DS friends in, but told them “ clearly- this is how we do things in this house” - no bad behavior or damage. It was accepted as otherwise they were never invited back.