To ban neighbourhood kids from my house?

[TealScroller]

Just wondering if I'm being harsh here... My DD7 has some friends from nearby (siblings between ages of 4 and 9) who she plays out with in the street regularly. Occasionally they come in the house to play for short amounts of time which is sometimes unsupervised due to us working from home/cooking dinner etc. The issue is that I've witnessed one of the kids pulling wallpaper off in clumps, shampoo emptied down the sink, toys destroyed, makeup rubbed into carpets etc. My daughter has been bollocked about this more times than I can remember and I've talked to the kids about not touching things that aren't theirs countless times too. I've stopped the neighbour kids from coming into the house as they've crossed the threshold but then often find my daughter has sneaked them in! These kids aren't bad, just seem to have zero discipline at home and are allowed out till fairly late at night, go in other people's gardens, there's been issues with pulling up neighbours plants and leaving bikes etc in other neighbours gardens. My issue is how far you can go with telling other peoples kids off or banning them from our home without their parents getting pissed off or depriving my DD of playmates? Our house is pretty small so I always know where my daughter is and usually what she's up to.
Should I have a word with the parents? They're nice people but let their kids run riot and probably don't see any issue with destructive behaviour but I want to stay on friendly terms with them,

Your child I only 7. If she can sneak children in then you are not supervising her properly. It is usual to have your child in an after school club while you WFH.

so you are letting a 7 year old play out in the street unsupervised - I mean you say she is but she wouldn’t get into trouble or do things she shouldn’t or invite everyone back to gets if she was, you said yourself you might be WFH.
Tell her no kids in the house unless you can supervise them. Also have a word with the other parents saying you are concerned that all the kids together can get a bit naughty and can you (ncluding yourself) make more of an effort? It seems they have a very hands off attitude and if you feel you can’t talk to them then you must really decide whether your child should be playing with them at all. It requires more effort from you to arrange play dates with other children but you need to do it.

As others have said she’s clearly not supervised if she’s sneaking in other children at 7 and the house is getting ruined.

Stop her playing out.

Tbh I wouldn’t want my child being friends with children from the type of family that lets a 4 year old roam the streets and falling out of windows.

Then again 7 year olds don’t even play out unsupervised here.

If something happens in your house you need to take responsibility. Tell parents if you want afterwards but I don't think its fair to tell tales and expect parents to discipline in relation to something that they know nothing about. All the children didn't damage your house or items, it was one kid. So find out who it was and tell them they are not allowed in your house for x amount of time because of what they did. Make sure all the kids know this is happening. Then after that amount of time tell them they can return, but if they as much as touch something belong to you they will never be allowed back. Kids aren't stupid, they only take the piss because they get away with it. If there is a consequence they will behave. Obviously up to you if you want to ban them all but this might not be the best outcome for your DD long term. I think its lovely when kids can casually call to each other's houses but you have to lay down the law. Your house your rules.

OP - if you can’t contain a 7 year old in your own house, you’re screwed when she gets older. Set some firm boundaries and parent her.

I live in a small development
Loads of kids running in and out
I love it
BUT...its my house my rules, and im strict.
If the kids doesn't want to follow them outside they go, if they keep on with bad behaviour (occasionally its just overexcitment, and i have to be aware my DC could be the idiot child at someone elses house) they dont come back.

Plus all other parents have free rein to shout at my DC if they are being naughty (which i know they will, just hopefully not too often)

I don't think OP should keep her kid in like she is under some sort of house arrest. It's brilliant that they all play together, it's much better for them than moping around the house waiting for parents to organise play dates. This is about enforcing rules within the home, not punishing DD for normal healthy play.

7 is young to be playing out no?

Good god. My kids would never ever have done any of those things. It's not 'what young kids do'

I am a fairly relaxed parent and my children are adults now . Can honestly say that we have never had children here who have been disruptive ,rude ,destructive and we had MANY children here over the years .
Cannot believe they could misbehave so badly without you noticing, if there was a certain amount of supervision . These young children will be the revolting feral teenagers that the locals will be complaining about in the future!

These other kids are trashing your house and neighbouring gardens? Not so sure I'd want them as playmates for my child. Their parents are doing a poor job, and I'd worry these children will only become more unpleasant to be around with age. I'd definitely forbid them from my home until they can behave themselves, unless you're prepared to stay in the room with them while they visit. Tell you daughter they can't come in unless you say so, and if she disobeys, give her some consequences lest she turn out like the kids next door!

Could you get a lock or door chain on the very top of the front and back doors.. and put that on when you can't keep a close eye on DD so you'd know when she's coming in and out. And lay the law down.. anyone coming to the house has to knock and ask if they can come in. The one that ripped off your wallpaper etc is banned.

I would try and find some other interests for your DD afterschool.

We're talking about a quiet cul-de-sac in a small village in the countryside, kids playing out on the street directly in front of our house on their bikes/scooters in the time from getting home from school to dinner time so maybe 1.5 hours when DD isn't at clubs. The times she's unsupervised can be short as I can't stand by the window looking out constantly or be stood outside watching them. I'm saying there are times when I have to go to the toilet, make a work phonecall, make tea, sort out my other kids. The kids can run in while I'm doing these things in a short amount of time and be destructive then. I was asking for advice about how to keep a balance between letting her have fun with her friends and challenging the group's behaviour, advice from parents who may have had similar issues, not a 'pile on' criticising my parenting skills!

Hardly a 'hands off attitude'?! to let my DD play outside the front of our house for an hour or so between the end of school and dinner time?

It takes minutes for children to enter and run up the stairs, next to the front door while I'm making a phone call.

I’ve banned kids and my child is happier. They were destroying my house and getting her into trouble.

But if you need to make work phone calls you need to have someone else looking after your child. Your child is only 7. She should not be left on her own either at home or in the street.
I live in a quiet cul de sac. About once or twice a week a delivery driver speeds into it.

You arent supervising her if you are on a work phone call. In this day and age 7 is a bit too young to be playing outside unsupervised. You can hardly blame a 4 year old for making mess - they definitely shouldnt be unsupervised. Thats a preschool aged child, you should be grateful that a serious accident hasnt happened.