WIBU to get pregnant when my husband is unemployed?

[Yellowsofa267]

I'm 36, DH and I have a good number of IVF embryos stored and were planning to have one transferred when he lost his job at Christmas. He's been struggling to find a new one and is talking about retraining/taking a lower pressure role but nothing has materialised yet.

Would it be crazy to just try getting pregnant now? We have enough savings to cover me to have 9+ months of work (with an emergency fund put by) then my wage does cover our living expenses with a little bit of spare. We both feel it would be nice to have something positive to look forward to, and hopefully he would find some sort of work eventually. I'm just fed up of our lives being on hold.

Crack on but the only way it will work is if you have very short mat leave

I wouldn’t try for a baby in your financial situation. Why has your dh not got a job, any job. A NMW job would have brought in an extra 1200/1300 per month.

What sort of industry is he in?

We’re all different but personally I would find it too stressful having a child to raise and also struggling with money due to unemployment. 6 months is a long time.

Can you give it another 6 months? I had a baby at 39 perfectly healthy (I needed some help, not IVF, took 6 months to conceive).

If you were younger I would say wait but to be honest it depends how much you want a baby. It’s important to remember that the first year can be absolutely brutal so if you are also worrying about money it will be a real struggle. It’s better he’s in work before a baby is born tbh, once they are here everyone is knackered. You may find you have to cut your maternity leave short.

It’s up to you but bear in mind having a baby can be rough, pregnancy can sometimes be harder than you anticipated, the first few months can either be ok or awful. I hated my husband for the first year and he was working and doing nighttime feeds with the baby. He was a great support to me and our baby (more than pulled his weight) but due to PND everything he did didn’t feel enough. We have a strong marriage and are financially comfortable but that first year was terrible. Theres a lot that can happen when you decide to have a baby and it doesn’t always go how you anticipated.

Will he be a stay at home dad? That may be lovely, obviously may not be, as others have mentioned, but it could work out really well.

At 36 having started IVF I'd get on with it. You're working, the rest is secondary tbh. If he's been a good worker previously then that's a good sign but it would be a help if he could take any job to help tide things over and show willing me

I don’t agree. My husband has applied for shelf stacking jobs and not got them becausd he is over-qualified. He is currently working as an occasional exam invigilator, but it doesn’t bring in what shelf-stacking would. It’s not easy to get jobs.

We don't employ shelf stackers as such. All staff are employed for different positions but yes shelf stacking is included as part of the overall tasks. I doubt we would consider the ops dh because he wouldn't be expected to stay and we need good staff, we don't struggle with a fast turnover so we employ with a view to long-term.

We can afford to be picky about who we employ and we don't employ people who are looking at us as a stop gap/quick fix.

You could have got pregnant then he lost his job. You've got savings and you can go back to work to pay the bills if he doesn't get something. Good luck op - go for it.

I think you’d be batshit crazy to do this now.

Especially with a man who doesn’t seem particularly motivated to find employment.

If you can afford to, why not.

Are you sure you’ll be able to relax enough and not stress about the situation during transfer and implantation as that is a major factor in success? If so go for it. 9 months savings would be a hard deadline for your DH to find a job, any job, surely. You may even get some wonderful time together as a family in those first precious weeks.

What does your DH think? Would your pregnancy be the push to accept anything job wise?