WIBU to get pregnant when my husband is unemployed?

[Yellowsofa267]

I'm 36, DH and I have a good number of IVF embryos stored and were planning to have one transferred when he lost his job at Christmas. He's been struggling to find a new one and is talking about retraining/taking a lower pressure role but nothing has materialised yet.

Would it be crazy to just try getting pregnant now? We have enough savings to cover me to have 9+ months of work (with an emergency fund put by) then my wage does cover our living expenses with a little bit of spare. We both feel it would be nice to have something positive to look forward to, and hopefully he would find some sort of work eventually. I'm just fed up of our lives being on hold.

Go for it. You will manage even if he has to take a lower paid role.

Do it your not getting any younger and babies can be as expensive or as cheap as you need them to be

TOTALLY AGREE WITH THIS

It depends on the job he does normally. I and some of my friends have had months of unemployment. He's after one job. He'll get one. You'll get by.

No way in hell while he's unemployed.

6 months unemployed and I guess he is in your age range - wow.

Can YOU afford all this ? if he is still unemployed in 16 months time...

Do it!

Well, clearly your DH isn’t interested in getting another job or he would have one by now.

So do you really want to end up being the main breadwinner with him as the stay at home parent where, if your marriage should ever break down, (and being out of work and having a new baby are prime triggers for that) he would end up as the primary resident parent.

I’m not too clued up on IVF but it will still be costly to go through a transfer cycle won’t it? Scans, medication and the treatment.

He won’t necessarily be in a great rush back into work while he’s got OP paying for everything.

If he’s been out of work for half a year then I think it would be irresponsible to have a baby. Retraining also takes months or years and doesn’t guarantee a job. Your husband needs a full time job. Any job he can get even if it’s a shop assistant or warehouse until he finds another job in his field.

Are you unemployed too Op? If you're employed your husband could be a stay at home dad.

I would go ahead and try for the baby. But I’d expect your DH to get any job - care work or shop work for example, whilst waiting out for whatever job he actually wants.

If OP were single, or if she were the unemployed one, I bet many highlighting the DH's unemployment would be telling her to go for it. She can afford it: We have enough savings to cover me to have 9+ months of work (with an emergency fund put by) then my wage does cover our living expenses with a little bit of spare.

It's depressing, this attitude that only the man's income counts in a marriage.

Go for it OP and the very best of luck 🙏 🤞

If he hasn't worked for 6 months then it's only going to get harder and harder to find something as the unemployment gap grows. Personally I wouldn't get pregnant now personally but I wanted to be a SAHM and it wouldn't have worked for me. Would you/he be fine with him being a SAHD? If not then he needs to get a job before you get pregnant IMO.

There’s never a good time to have a child! I’d just go for it, otherwise you’ll always find a reason not to.

I did this exact thing. IVF at 36 with unemployed husband. I got pregnant and he got a job sharpish! Although at a later date, I went back to work and he was a SAHD. Good luck - get on with it!

He's been unemployed for 6 months already.

Wouldn't having a baby on the way just add to the job hunting pressure?

I don't think I would, it's added pressure.

But if you're happy for him to be a stay at home dad and you being the bread winner, then yes, do it.

I wouldn't be telling anyone to go for it with only one income coming in whilst the other person doesn't seem interested in working with only a little bit spare after living expenses.

If you want to be a mother then I don’t think you have time to spare. It sounds like you have a decent career so you can provide for yourself and the baby if it comes to it.

If your husband was that bothered about having a family, surely he’d have found any old job to tide him over by now? I’d be prepared that he won’t be around for long, but if you want a baby then do it now because you may well miss the chance otherwise.

Can you afford to pay for the IVF as. Well as maternity leave or is it funded?

Go for it. Life is always a bit uncertain and you don’t have to justify trying for one much wanted child. Best of luck. I have three IVF babies and things haven’t always been easy but I wouldn’t change a thing.

At 36 you have the time pressure of IVF and your chances of success get lower. How secure is your work? Many places are having recruitment freezes, making redundancies and cutting hours. If I was in any field where there is talk of cutting hours, cutting staffing, not replacing staff leaving or recruitment freezes I would beware. My manager breathed a sigh of relief when I went to my KIT meeting saying I wasn't coming back as she had been told to reduce the team. She told me, had I come back then there would have been a conversation about cutting hours in the team and possibly redundancy. As it was, 18 months later the team went from 8 people to 2 people. If you are in a secure field and are happy to be a breadwinner I would say go for it. How happy are you to go back full time a few months after baby is born and DH be a SAHD? Or would you want to have the full mat leave with the option to go part time?

Nursery fees (even with the funded hours) are expensive, plus any rise in cost of living or indeed something breaking starts eating into the savings. Do not underestimate how quickly you can eat through savings without realising it. Its a discussion to have with your DH, the reality, you have the IVF with its costs, 9 months pregnancy and then everything you need to buy for baby, plus mat leave to pay for. How long can you do that on 1 income? Realistically how long can DH spend job hunting without getting anything before you start ploughing through savings?

Is your DH in a field with a recruitment freeze or niche area? If so he might have to settle for something else. 6 months and counting is getting to be a long time without a job - especially in some fields.

I would go ahead Personally
Hopefully, if you did conceive it would motivate DH to take any regular employment to get money coming in. It doesn't need to be his " Perfect Job"