Should I take my stuff or is that mean/spiteful?

[Altnaia1961ia]

I've recently split from my partner of 9 years. I ended up moving to a smaller place - no children involved.
All the stuff in the house was mine as he had moved to the UK from abroad e.g sofas, white goods etc.
At first things were amicable & I thought I'd leave some stuff but now I hear he's been entertaining multiple women in the house I feel a bit hurt and disgusted that he's moved on so quickly when I'm grieving badly (he put me through years of emotional abuse, gaslighting etc & destroyed my confidence).
I still have a key. Would it be awful of me to reclaim my major bits as otherwise I'll have to stretch myself financially buying more. He earns x 2 more than me but I feel heartless leaving him with an almost empty house (he will still have a bed). I know it sounds spiteful of me but somehow I childishly want him to suffer like I am. Am I a terrible person?

Girl just take your things and block him, he doesn't sound hard up for money xx

Of course not. It's your stuff. There was no reason to leave it there. Why do you feel bad about taking the bed when he obviously doesn't feel bad that you've got no furniture?

Get your stuff when you know he’s at work. Would be funny if he bought someone home and there was no furniture

Take what’s yours.

Seriously?! Take everything you bought! Why wouldn’t you?!

Get your stuff back!

Get your stuff and leave him to it. You don't owe him anything.

Regardless of other women, you should take everything that’s yours. Because it’s yours.

Not sure why you left it in the first place if he earns more & was abusive for years ....

Take your stuff. He'll have to deal with his own life.

Take the stuff if you can get it safely and he doesn't know where you live.

And if there is nothing that be could do to get you back (eg come and pick up your car)

You're not married, you've left, and he earns plenty of money .... of COURSE you should take your stuff. I'ts not clear to me why you even feel bad about it.

Go get your stuff! Can you take someone sturdy with you?

Take everything that is yours, down to the lightbulbs and screws! Hell even hide a trout under the floorboards if it would make you feel better, fuck him!

You absolutely should take everything. Take everything that belongs to you. Do you really think he wouldn't do that himself?

Do you have proof that it's yours?

Do you have a right to that key? Did he buy you out of the property? If so all keys should have been handed back.

If he decides to go to the police, will you be able to prove you acted lawfully?

Think carefully as it could come back to bite you

So if your main reason for doing it is because you are annoyed he is having loads of women round, then yes that is spiteful but not necessarily undeserved. But put that thought away and consider your finances and how he has contributed while you were living together and male a reasonable judgement based on that.

You need to harden up OP because you’ve been a mug believing in shit like it was amicable and kind to be taken advantage of.
He’s moved on easily which should alleviate any guilt that you unreasonably feel.
Plus he earns more than you - he could just nip to IKEA and replace stuff easily or even use it as a way to hook more victims. 🙄 I bet he’s not even as emotionally attached to the stuff as you are. He’ll be fine

Yes @Altnaia1961ia go pick up your stuff. It's yours and from what you say the ex twat is not short of money.

Why on earth do you think it might be heartless to collect your own belongings that you need and that you have paid for?
Sounds like he's always made you feel that you are in the wrong and he should be pitied.

He shouldn't.

You are not being heartless leaving him in an empty flat because its not empty.. he is entertaining women there. He owns the bed, so you won't be putting a spoke in his wheel in that respect.

So the poor dear has to purchase some furniture - so do most adults. Just as you would have to do if you don't get your own belongings back.
Send him some links to IKEA and facebook marketplace

And take someone with you when you go to collect.. or collect whilst he's at work. You can feel heartless about it later, when you have your stuff back and your new place is more comfortable.

Sounds like you were renting. Have you taken your name off the rental agreement and bills and set up a postal redirect so that he can't read your bank statements.
Do a bit of googling about how to protect yourself financially.

If it's yours take it, you would have kept it all if he had moved out (as he probably should have done) your place your things and you leave with nothing, doesn't sound at all reasonable. He can buy new for his 'new loves', tell him he needs to get his own things now and that your sure he wants new stuff anyway and you need yours for your new place. And take a few friends to help remove it all, hire a van for the big stuff. If you think he might damage things just turn up unannounced and take it all.

Why would you think it is mean or spiteful or heartless to take your own property with you after a breakup?

It's not. He's not entitled to keep your property after a split.

This is a weird mindset and you need to explore why you don't think you are entitled to your own property.

Is it in good nick? Take the good stuff.