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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Problems with cleaner AIBU?

43 replies

Cleaningtroubles2 · 03/06/2025 11:40

Dh and I have a slight difference of opinion, and I am not sure what to do, so I thought I would ask my MN ladies! NC for obvious reasons.

Our cleaning lady has been with us for just under 3 years, we look
after her extremely well and always have done. I have always appreciated her reliability and efforts. However the last 6 months have become really difficult and I don’t know if I am being overly sensitive:

She is having an affair and spends all day talking to her boyfriend as she works (with air pods)

She makes my teen girls feel guilty for eating, and regularly comments on carb content

She watches films whilst ironing and has burnt my clothes

When my dog was ill, she told me not to say anything at all
about it, as it ‘upsets’ her. When my dog died rather than be sympathetic she made it all about her and went home early

She is constantly comparing her lifestyle/weight/fitness to my DD’s. It’s really toxic

We are moving, and she told me ‘it is so sad as she likes my house’ and ignored the fact we are looking forward to the move.

On the upside she is reliable, works reasonably hard and we know her (better the devil you know) and we hate change.

Dh wants to get rid of her, and says she is bringing the house energy down every time she arrives. My DDs can’t stand her. She started out brilliantly, this is mostly quite recent.

OP posts:
basilbush · 03/06/2025 11:42

You haven’t said what your AIBU voting is but I would get rid. The toxicity towards your daughters would be enough for me to be honest

Original poster
Cleaningtroubles2 · 03/06/2025 11:43

Thanks yes I forgot!

YABU - keep cleaning lady
YANBU - let her go

OP posts:
ByLemonFish · 03/06/2025 11:44

I'm a retired cleaner

Is this a recent thing? Or just the last 6 months? Doesn't sound very professional talking to her boyfriend while working.
I agree with DH

Justlovedogs · 03/06/2025 12:11

I've never had a cleaner and probably never will, but I vote to get rid. The comments to your DDs are enough but I'm pretty sure hired help aren't supposed to burn your clothes.

Swiftie1878 · 03/06/2025 12:16

The way she is with your DDs is enough to get rid. The other stuff just confirms it’s the right decision.

WillimNot · 03/06/2025 12:18

Get rid
Your DD takes priority and she's being a mean bitch to them, why are you paying her to be a bully to your child, burn your clothes and chat to her boyfriend?
Use the move as an excuse.

alcoholnightmare · 03/06/2025 12:19

How long until you move? Could this be a natural end to her working for you?

Hankunamatata · 03/06/2025 12:21

Can she do cleaning when no ones there?

nutbrownhare15 · 03/06/2025 12:32

Go with the majority opinion in your house! She sounds more like a housekeeper who sees herself as part of the family. Tell her you can't afford a cleaner after your move.

Original poster
Cleaningtroubles2 · 03/06/2025 12:33

It’s been a slow drip drip of different things individually. Good cleaners are so hard to find here, but dh is right I actively dread her coming.

OP posts:
OrangePineapple25 · 03/06/2025 12:34

Why are you chatting so much to the cleaner? I have a chat with mine but then we both go and do whatever it is we have to do.

I would keep her if she was good and get rid if she wasn’t. Won’t you lose her due to the move anyway?

OrangePineapple25 · 03/06/2025 12:35

Also can’t you just go out when she’s in? I try and make myself scare when my cleaner is here - if for no other reason so I’m not in her way.

Viviennemary · 03/06/2025 12:36

She should go, she has become a pita and isn't doing her job properly.

Original poster
Cleaningtroubles2 · 03/06/2025 12:41

I don’t chat to her beyond pleasantries, but she is walking around the house talking loudly or playing her movies loudly. Her phone is constantly ringing and we work from home for half the week, so hard to avoid her completely.

The dc eat in the kitchen and she’s always in there.

OP posts:
OrangePineapple25 · 03/06/2025 12:43

Cleaningtroubles2 · 03/06/2025 12:41

I don’t chat to her beyond pleasantries, but she is walking around the house talking loudly or playing her movies loudly. Her phone is constantly ringing and we work from home for half the week, so hard to avoid her completely.

The dc eat in the kitchen and she’s always in there.

That would drive me mad. My cleaner puts music on if I’m not in (I know because if I arrive home it’s on) but not if I’m working from home.

KrisAkabusi · 03/06/2025 12:44

If you're moving anyway the problem will sort itself. I also think that putting "We are moving, and she told me ‘it is so sad as she likes my house’ and ignored the fact we are looking forward to the move." in a list of issues is really petty. It sounds like she's saying something nice and you're still not happy with her.

thistimelastweek · 03/06/2025 12:45

basilbush · 03/06/2025 11:42

You haven’t said what your AIBU voting is but I would get rid. The toxicity towards your daughters would be enough for me to be honest

I agree.i couldn't have this around impressionable children.

CatsorDogsrule · 03/06/2025 12:48

Why doesn't she come in the half of the week that you are out, unless the children are always home?

Overall though, yes, you should cancel her services if you are unhappy.

FlllapFlllapTippyTapTap · 03/06/2025 12:50

I think the details are not particularly relevant, because you are paying her to have a positive impact on your lives and instead she is having a negative one. That's a good enough reason to call it a day, and the pending house move is a ready made reason/excuse.

PurpleThistle7 · 03/06/2025 12:51

Nope. I am very, very conscious of anyone giving my daughter any sort of body issues so I would have gotten rid long ago. I've never had (and never will have) a cleaner but I wouldn't stand for anyone talking like that - I shut down any sort of diet chat immediately from anyone.

toomuchfaff · 03/06/2025 13:56

basilbush · 03/06/2025 11:42

You haven’t said what your AIBU voting is but I would get rid. The toxicity towards your daughters would be enough for me to be honest

agreed.

Koalafan · 03/06/2025 13:59

I'd be inclined to let her go, giving her whatever notice is specified in her contract.

BobbyBiscuits · 03/06/2025 14:06

She weight and food shames your daughter? That's appalling. And so bizarre. She must have ED or something?

Weird about the dog. I get she liked it too and was sad but she should've comforted you. Not made it her own drama.

As for burning your clothes because she's watching films and chatting to her boyfriend, well I'd say those two things are enough to sack her.

As you're moving you can use that as the main reason. I wouldn't confront her necessarily about the food stuff, I'd say it's easier just to say you don't need her now you're moving.

Mrsknowitall · 03/06/2025 14:12

KrisAkabusi · 03/06/2025 12:44

If you're moving anyway the problem will sort itself. I also think that putting "We are moving, and she told me ‘it is so sad as she likes my house’ and ignored the fact we are looking forward to the move." in a list of issues is really petty. It sounds like she's saying something nice and you're still not happy with her.

I think what op is saying is that the cleaner is being a negative Nora when they are feeling positive and happy about moving and she is being their vibe down, I don’t think op was being petty.

AnnaBalfour · 03/06/2025 14:13

I wouldn’t mind my cleaner on the phone or watching a movie whilst ironing.

Sounds as though you’ve massively blurred the lines allowing her to become that comfortable to be toxic about food and telling you about her private life.

When you get a new cleaner, make it a strictly professional and courteous relationship.