Was I BU to get frustrated with kids screaming?

[Salumthecat]

I know this sounds a bit silly and I’m aware I’m giving it too much headspace. I suffer from really severe anxiety, I’m having therapy but I overthink a lot of things and I’m neurodivergent which doesn’t help.

I was at the dentist today, I was already anxious about seeing the dentist and he knows that and is very good with me.

The practice is opposite a primary school and the windows were open as it was a small warm room, my last appointment was winter and the windows were closed.
I had to wait for a while for the dentist then had an examination, it must have been a break time at the school and was already very noisy but then there appeared to be a small group of girls having some sort of screaming contest.

They were taking it in turns to scream loudly one after the other, this went on for a few minutes then they all started screaming at the same time. I could hear one of the girls counting down 3,2,1 GO! Then they would all scream together.
No staff appeared to be going to stop them and it was starting to make me feel desperate to escape, the dentist said I needed X rays as it had been a few years so I knew I’d be stuck there longer. I politely asked the dentist if he could shut the window and he asked if I was cold?
I said no it was just the screaming was quite loud.
I asked in a semi joking way how he managed to listen to that all day, he didn’t answer but the hygienist wasn’t happy.

The hygienist snapped at me “do you have an issue with kids playing?”
I said no but I wasn’t keen on the screaming. She then said that it was likely her daughter just having fun with her friends, she said girls are often “a bit screechy” then said “I take it you’ve none of your own?”

I don’t have kids, I know kids are noisy but I didn’t think it was normal for any parent to be so defensive about their child being allowed to scream at full volume. There was no SEN mentioned so that’s unlikely, it’s definitely not likely the whole group screaming had any additional needs.

I apologised and just said I was feeling a bit anxious, she left to take the X rays to be processed and I was left just with the dentist. I said I was sorry if I’d been offensive and he said I definitely wasn’t and that he was surprised the staff let it happen. He said one day those kids might be screaming for a genuine emergency and no one was going to take any notice.

I felt better that the dentist clearly didn’t think I’d said anything really bad but I was upset when I left.
Part of me felt like leaving feedback on the form I always get sent after the appointment, I was tempted to put that I felt uncomfortable about the hygienists attitude but then I decided I didn’t want her to get in any trouble. I know I was upset but I also know I am over sensitive.

I just wondered if I was actually rude or out of order with what I said about the dentist being stuck listening to kids all day?
With having no kids I was worried I came across as some evil child hater and the way the hygienist said she had taken it I had none of my own it was like that’s what she was insinuating.

I really feel sorry for my dentist, it made me wonder if he’s desperate to close that window for some peace but too scared of also receiving a bollocking 😂.

You did nothing wrong, that nurse was rude and fair chance she was given feedback on that later.

I can't even see why she would take offense. She wasn't in charge of the kids and yes they often scream as a game and an adult should intervene after a few goes to teach them proper behaviour.

You were not unreasonable at all. The hygienist was bloody rude. I have two primary aged kids and would not be offended at all. What was offensive was her assumption you have no kids!

How unprofessional of the dental nurse. I hate kids screaming and I have kids. It’s just not pleasant so I imagine mixed with anxiety it was not a great feeling for you. Please don’t worry you did nothing wrong x

I have children. They all flirted on the edge of being screamers at preschool age… which got taken strictly into hand (you scream repeatedly, you come indoors so you don’t disturb the neighbours). Allowing your children to willfully scream for fun, without due cause, is lazy parenting. Unless there is SEN where it’s a communication. These parents are not doing their children or communities any favours.

YANBU… It’s bad enough listening to your own kids scream- you have my sympathy listening to a whole unchecked class in a situation that was obviously stressful enough.

The hygienist was being ridiculous and unprofessional. As a doctor there is no way I’d have this professional approach to my patients, who are already in an uncomfortable position in my clinic.

Hygienist was rude and weird. You were fine, and you're right too - the screeching is too much. My house is next to a primary school. The screeching is insane. It doesn't bother me really but I do wonder WHY are they SCREECHING? They're not shouting, they're not screaming, they're literally actually screeching. I feel for the teachers 😂

Full blown screaming annoys me. One of my DDs friends screams loads when playing and I do intermittently ask her to stop. The school should really be asking them to settle it down a bit too. If there are any children sensitive to noise nearby they probably aren't enjoying listening to it either.
It sounds like the hygienist took it personally as it was her daughter which you weren't to know.

The hygienist was being rude. I used to work in an office next to a school and when the windows were open the noise was unbearable to me (also ND), but it didn’t seem to bother anyone else. A lot of NT people really don’t seem to notice/process noise the same, so they probably didn’t realise it was so loud. The hygienists reaction was over the top though. She could of just shut the window and moved on.

I'd be finding a different hygienist

YANBU. No one likes the shriekers.

Maybe her kids go to that school and they were one of the ones screaming.

I'm also very anxious about the dentist and my dentist has noise canceling headphones that you can put on, primarily to prevent you from hearing some of the sounds of the equipment. Maybe next time you could take your own earbuds or something in and put those in before they start.

Yeah probably

Still, being cold to a simple request is a bit much, its not as though op said anything personal about them, just that they were noisy

I have kids and I don't kind screaming. Well, actually I hate when my two screech at me during a tantrum but I don't mind kids screaming for fun.

Having said that I don't think you did anything wrong. You asked for the window to be closed and only offered a reason when they asked you for it. It's not like you complained about the kids screaming. Even if you had I would cut my patients some slack knowing that some of them might be stressed and anxious.

The hygienist making a point of telling you that you don't have kids was rude and absolutely uncalled for.

I would make a complaint against her

It sounds like it was the dental nurse not a hygienist. But regardless they sound like a gobby annoying person. You didn't say anything wrong, don't overthink it and also no need to apologise to someone who behaves like that. I bet the dentist is used to that nurse speaking that way and has had enough of them too!

Honestly op why do you even care what they think anyway? Screaming kids are awful I agree

I absolutely can not stand screaming and I think you did nothing wrong.

Wtaf I have kids and that would do my head in! But it’s not up to the dental practice to tell the school to make the kids be quiet at break time? They should have just closed the window without snide comments. How on earth would the hygienist know if her own daughter was screaming? Bizarre.

I think the hygienist was so rude and OTT. Why she so defensive? You didn’t do anything wrong. I think when you’re a sensitive person (like you and me!) that struggles with things like too anxious, too hot, too cold, too loud, too bright, you end up having to ask for accommodations where other people would just shut up and put up. And as a result of having to ask for things like ‘please could you close that window/blind’ you get some people’s backs up, and get into these odd social encounters, that then leave your head spinning. Which is such a shame cos the same people who don’t care about the noise etc are the same one who wouldn’t give this encounter a second thought. Whereas the sensitive people are the ones who get into these conversations and then are left to overthink them too 😩
And also I have kids, and adore kids, but can’t bear the screaming as it just sets me on edge

There is a huge difference between children being noisy while they are playing in the playground and screaming and you know this very well. Most people like the first sound but thè second one can really upset people. First, people like me, who have problems with their ears, it can actually physically hurt our ears. Most people will say that the sound goes through their bodies. A teacher or dinner lady should have stopped them. As for @Salumthecat, she was nervous enough already, as are many people when in the dentist's chair, and that noise was making her feel far worse. Nobody in their right mind would want to stop children playing but there still need to be boundaries in place.

This quote did not come through to my post for some reason, but was the one to which I was replying.

I was going to say something similar
... but I've only ever met two dental hygienists. However they were both snappy and frightening. Now I see I'm not alone.

Hygienist was rude because it was her own daughter doing the screaming

I can't stand the sounds of kids screaming either. But if I express annoyance or irritation about it,you'd think that I'd said that I'm a child murderer.

This. Who the hell wants to listen to kids screaming and screeching. That's not playing, isn't surprising she thought it was her own kid!

I think you were reasonable. You were in a tense situation and the noise made things worse. The hygienist should be used to people being on edge. She was rude.