Would this annoy you? Lazy mornings…

[LondonGemm]

DP and I - always awake c.8am on a weekend or a week off. I like to go out and get on with the day quite early, certainly be out and about by 10ish, whilst DP prefers lazier morning having coffee in bed and taking a while to get ready before eventually leaving the house at midday-ish.

I am finding this increasingly irritating and get fed up being stuck inside for so long, like I’m wasting a day.

DP says I need to learn to relax (in general, I do struggle to just ‘chill’ and do get restless) - do you think he has a point?

Perhaps it is time for compromise eg Saturdays up and about and Sundays for lying in

Where do you want to go and are you gone all day after you go out?

Yeah this. One of each surely?

Yes he has a huge point. Just chill, it’s good for you. Or if you must get up at the crack of dawn even when you don’t have to, don’t demand your DP does the same!

Neither of you are right or wrong just different

Do you have to do everything together?
can you honour whilst he drinks coffee in bed

He has a point. You need to learn to relax.

Neither of you are 'wrong', it's ok to want to be up and out, and it's ok to want to chill. You're just going to have to compromise, so you sometimes go out and sometimes laze in.

What on earth are you doing to insist you have to be out the house by 10am?

Surely there can be some middle ground here?

DH and I are both usually early risers, but he's and up and at 'em, in the gym straight away kind of person and I'm a need 2 cups of tea and an hour or so of mindless tv before I can get moving person..

So he goes to the gym whilst I drink my tea and then we're ready to do something together by midday.

You can do whatever you want between 8-10am. Unless you have young children that are up and need looking after there’s no need to make your DH get up when you do. You don’t have to sit twiddling your thumbs waiting for him to entertain you.

My husband and I have something similar.

So on Saturdays, we get up and out early and do stuff.
On Sundays, we have a lie-in, coffee in bed, then a really slow day.

Compromise works for both of us and feels fair.

I’m more like you rather than dh, and feel like not being up until midday is a waste, especially in the summer.

Can you agree on a compromise. Ie. If you have plans, then go out, but if not, then dh can have his lay in.

YABU. You need to chill out and learn to enjoy wasting the day!

Are you joined at the hip? Leave him to laze about and you get in with your day.

Do something solo in the morning. What do you enjoy doing?

Why do you sit around getting frustrated? Get up and do your own thing for a few hours then meet up at lunch.

I'm not a morning person at all, my DH is. So he gets up and goes to the gym, bakes, gets his hair cut etc and potters about. I drink coffee and read. It suits both of us well.

Why does he have to be out and about with you? Just go and do something yourself. Your lack of ability to chill shouldn't be his problem. Or just get a good book.

As others have most probably already alluded to, you've missed out the part of your post that explains why you can't just get up and do whatever you want for the morning whilst your partner has a lie-in..?

My adult child and their partner are like you two, except I think my two are more extreme.

Ones an early bird, t'other's an owl.

Owl doesn't expect early bird to stay up and keep them company, early bird doesnt expect owl to be up and at them, as they are, by 9:00am.

Given they've been together over 30 years, they've clearly worked out a solution that suits them both.

Mornings seem to be that early bird tells owl where they are going and approx when, owl joins when their internal clock moves them.

There’s definitely a compromise to be had here. Maybe you can head out and sit in a coffee shop and he can go join you an hour later or something like that?

Neither of your preferences are wrong. But you need to make it work so that neither of you become resentful of the other.

Switch it about. Or if he's not actually looking to hang out with you on the lazy morning then go out for a run or go out and bring back pastries or something

Why can't you go out alone? Sounds like you will have at least 2 hours between the latest you want to leave and the earliest he likes to leave. That's time to go for a walk, go to the gym, shops, see friends or family, go for a coffee.

yes he has a point

I’m team dh - I don’t like being rushed out the door on a day off, we do enough of that in the week!

Sorry, but unless it's the depth of winter, 8am is not the "crack of dawn".

@LondonGemm is there anything you want to do that you could use the time for if he doesn't want to move as fast? Neither of you is wrong it's just different. Book you want to read? Go to the gym or swimming or to an exercise class? Always wanted to paint? Use the time for you, to relax how works for you.

Where do you go? Why don’t you go by yourself and let him relax?