Leaving abusive mentally ill husband

[FastMintSheep]

17 years!!!I have been with my abusive husband and I have finally upped and left everything is chaotic at the moment but me and my children are safe and me and my eldest son are working out our issues,my ex husband was abusive to me and my children financially,physically and emotionally name calling everyday punches kicks he is a Muslim man I am a white lady I was always told white people are dirty,dogs etc and I believed him I reverted to Islam for him,I covered myself up for him,he would teach my children Arabic and force them to pray everything was forbidden to them toys days out etc traps for the disbelievers I agreed with him and went along with him,his family were the same,but then he got ill with depression and psychosis and he completely changed from been this big powerful dictator to someone who lies in bed all day with shit in his trousers!he won’t shower,he is mentally ill I couldn’t take it anymore the burden,so why do I feel so guilty for leaving him?after everything I’m imagining him lying there in bed day after day?is this karma?aibu to of left?why do i feel so guilty?

Every time you feel guilty about that, instead focus on the shitty childhood your children had as a result of him - and instead feel anger at him. You may also feel anger at yourself for not getting them away sooner, however I imagine easier said than done

You feel guilty because you have been conditioned by him. I’m sorry you weren’t able to get away sooner. I am also a revert if you would like to message me, Im happy to listen.

I feel a lot of anger towards myself for allowing this to happen and not protecting them,but I have realised I was also a victim brainwashed and isolated things have been very hard

Thankyou very much

It sounds harrowing. That man was your jailer not your partner, and you were right to leave him for your sake and that of your children. You are feeling guilt because you have empathy, which makes you a decent human being. At some point you surely had feelings for that man, and those feelings were valid. He abused them though - because abusers take advantage of other people's better nature. You have painted a terribly pathetic picture of him but he is not your problem anymore. He has a family. They should care for him. You owe him nothing.

I’m so sorry to hear what you have endured.

Well done for getting out and leaving your abusive husband. You shouldn’t feel guilty - you haven’t done anything wrong.

You are entitled to live your life with respect and dignity and days out as you please.

I hope you know that the way he was treating you is NOT what Islam/Muslims are about. He is just one abusive man who happens to be Muslim.

I pray you and your children find the happiness you deserve.

I don't know why this myth that most men suffer with their mental health in silence has become mainstream because it isn't true - they make the women and children in their lives suffer with them

leave this man, op. go on benefits and get yourself into temporary accommodation if need be.

it really isn't as scary as staying with a bully who is making your lives hell.

best of luck, you deserve better xx

Thankyou

Thankyou i appreciate it and I know he doesn’t represent the Muslim people/community thankyou for your prayers

That’s very true they do take it out on the partner and children and I am out and in temporary accommodation,I now need to put the pieces back together we are all traumatised x

Let him fester in his own shit. You all deserve better and to be happy.

Thankyou I just need to hear it I need to no I’m not in the wrong I have had to change my whole mentality it’s very hard

Oh well done op ❤️ for getting out of there

That's such a big step and you've done well. I know that temporary accommodation can be uncertain and it must feel like its all in pieces, but you've taken the first bug step to protect your children 🙌

How old are they, did you say already? I can imagine they're traumatised. You can't erase that man, but you can make the future worth it xx

Get angry.

Get away. Physically. Emotionally. Financially.

Get your own life.

Get healing.

Focus on you. Focus on the children.

Direct that anger to him.

You weren’t weak you were strong to remove yourself from an entire culture, ethos, home and family that was so abusive. Congratulate yourself. You are stronger than you look think.

Please don't feel guilty. Just concentrate on yourself and your children, look after each other and give yourself time to breathe and heal. You have done the hardest bit so don't waver now. You are a strong person to have endured what you have for so long. Brighter days are ahead now and you and your children can live in peace. Your ex can get help from his family, the GP, his religious leaders etc. He is NOT your responsibility.

Yes this it’s all about the future now but a lot of damage has been done,my children have anger and self esteem issues I blame my self I don’t know why I never walked away looking back I was so stupid my youngest is 10 and my eldest 17

No he is not my responsibility and thankyou for the encouragement

Thankyou that means a lot honestly

Well done for leaving. Now it is time for a new and peaceful life for you and your children.
Don't look back. My best wishes to you. , 🙏

Thank goodness you found the strength to finally get your DC away from him. You will have a lot of bridges to build with your 17 year old who suffered an abuser and miserable childhood. Try to make it up to them.

Oh thank god you left.

It sounds like he was mentally ill from the start but it manifested in very controlling behaviour. I don't think you could have made it work, OP. It sounds like he needed something to kick against, so you becoming Muslim and dressing how he wanted, etc. were in a weird way not what he wanted. It sounds like he wanted a stick to beat you with, and when he didn't get it his personality collapsed.

I'm Muslim, and I'm praying you find peace and healing on your own with your children.

Thankyou

Thankyou so much ❤️