Leaving abusive mentally ill husband

[FastMintSheep]

17 years!!!I have been with my abusive husband and I have finally upped and left everything is chaotic at the moment but me and my children are safe and me and my eldest son are working out our issues,my ex husband was abusive to me and my children financially,physically and emotionally name calling everyday punches kicks he is a Muslim man I am a white lady I was always told white people are dirty,dogs etc and I believed him I reverted to Islam for him,I covered myself up for him,he would teach my children Arabic and force them to pray everything was forbidden to them toys days out etc traps for the disbelievers I agreed with him and went along with him,his family were the same,but then he got ill with depression and psychosis and he completely changed from been this big powerful dictator to someone who lies in bed all day with shit in his trousers!he won’t shower,he is mentally ill I couldn’t take it anymore the burden,so why do I feel so guilty for leaving him?after everything I’m imagining him lying there in bed day after day?is this karma?aibu to of left?why do i feel so guilty?

Your right there is a lot of damage my life will be dedicated to help my children as much as I can we finally have normal people around us family etc we have a lot of support

Thankyou for your kind words

Well done and good luck. Ensure you and your children get the professional help that there is for people in your situation.

Exactly, you were brainwashed by him and now you have to unlearn everything he taught you and that will take time. For now you have taken the first (hugely courageous and impressive!) step by leaving him and you should be so, so proud of yourself for that. Time, patience and kindness towards yourself will take care of the rest because you're clearly committed to undoing as much of the damage to DC as humanly possible and doing the work necessary to rebuild yourself and your life. I wish you all the peace and success in the world OP, you and your DC deserve it

Thankyou for your kind words they made me tear up,my children are my life I will do whatever I can to get things right

This is what I am going to do they are my life I owe them everything

Well done, OP.

You have done something immense for yourself and your children. They will thank you. Baby steps now and give yourselves time to heal and feel.

It's so hard to leave an abusive relationship and it can add another layer of complexity when the abuser is also mentally unwell. You have been so strong.

If you kept your husband's oppression quiet and 'protected' his public image and 'good name' within your families, your community, the children's school, GP surgery etc by putting on a brave face and minimising his behaviour, now is the time to start sharing. You will be amazed at the support and acknowledgement you will receive. I'm a teacher -start with your children's school and make an appointment to put their head teacher or safeguarding / wellbeing lead in the picture. Children instinctively know to keep their parents' secrets and it is a huge weight on their shoulders; it can be incredibly healing for children and young people to know that 'the truth is out' and there need to be no more hiding or withholding information from the adults at school who really want to help them and support their mum. Your children will have internalised so much of your husband's abuse and their experience of seeing their own mum abused; it is incredibly validating for them to know that other adults who they care for also think that what has happened to your family at the hands of your husband is very wrong.

Wishing you so much courage, OP.