To ask granddaughter if she started wearing a bra

[IceCreamplz]

My MIL has asked prying questions and made inappropriate comments numerous times in the past. This time, she asked her 13yo granddaughter/my niece if she had started wearing a bra, and then shared that information with other family members (me, my DH, and my DD). I was gobsmacked when I heard about it but MIL thinks it's her right to ask anything because she is a part of the family. I think she totally crossed a boundary - especially asking such a personal question to someone at a sensitive age. Am I too sensitive and overreacting? For your reference, MIL wasn't going to buy a bra for her DGD. AIBU?

My mother announced I’d started my period by shouting down to my sisters and within earshot of my step dad that “you’re little sister isn’t so little any” I was mortified

You know this is anonymous, right?

Would not be odd or inappropriate in my family. Certainly would not consider this “outrageous” 🙄 If your daughter is sensitive just tell MIL she’s a bit shy about these things. Why the overblown reactions here? We’re all human.

I’ve seen posts here in MN where families refused to discuss periods which left children truly distraught without any guidance. I prefer an open and honest family where we can discuss these things without fear or embarrassment.

Talking about it and asking is pretty normal , especially in some contexts. Sharing that information with extended members of the family(particularly male ones) isn’t. If your MIL can’t tell the difference, she needs kept to arm’s length and be given only minimal information.

Out of curiosity, how does your niece(and her parents) feel about this?

Not enough information to give an opinion tbh. Plus I’m not sure how this is anything to do with you? It’s not your child and not your mother. I’m incredibly close to my mum and her and my daughter are very very close, she’s not at bra wearing age yet but I wouldn’t be upset if when the time comes she discusses such things with her. They see each other every day, sometimes multiple times a day as we live 2 doors down. If my SIL had a go at my mum for something like that, I would be pretty unhappy and telling her to mind her own business. If it was indeed inappropriate in their relationship let the child’s parents deal with it.

I think OP was more concerned that her MIL then broadcast this news to the rest of the family. As OP has a 10 year old daughter, she doesn't want her MIL doing this to her daughter when she starts her periods.

Really inappropriate and creepy. Absolutely none of her business unless the girl is a motherless child who needs help with bra buying.

But again not enough information. Was it said like “oh my I can’t believe little Sophie is old enough to be wearing a bra! She’s getting so big, oh how time flys” kind of thing. Or was it “have you seen the size of Sophie’s boobs she really needs a bra”. The first scenario maybe a bit clumsy but really not the crime of the century or “creepy” and certainly not anything to get hung up by.

if OP doesn’t want her MIL to discuss bras with her daughter I would just cross that bridge when the time comes.

That is precisely what Mumsnet is for ??? Asking opinions of strangers anonymously ?

my lovely Nan could ask me when I was 13 and I’d not be embarrassed but she was adorable and she would not gossip

my daughter is very upfront about her changing body so wouldn’t mind but if your DD minds and your MiL is overstepping tell her

That’s just how you feel about it at 13 though isn’t it, perfectly normal

Shes the girl’s grandmother! Calling it creepy is actually really creepy.

Just my opinion. Being interested in the size of your granddaughter’s breasts is very strange to me. Neither of my grandmothers would have asked about this. And I’m not interested in what stage of puberty my nieces are at either.

It’s the broadcasting it to her uncle and other family members that makes it sound as if she asked in order to tell everyone as family news.

Honestly I do think a grandmother going to a child’s uncle and saying ‘your niece wears a bra now’ is intrusive and weird.

All fine and dandy if a girl tells her gran all about her new bras.

I’m really surprised by most of the responses on this thread. I honestly don’t see anything wrong in a grandmother asking her grandchild if she’s started wearing a bra. It was maybe a bit uncalled for to share the information with others, but they were close family members. At 13, it wouldn’t have bothered me at all if a relative had asked me this, and it wouldn’t have been an issue when my daughter was that age either. I think you’re being really over sensitive.

I really think you ought to let it go. It’s only harming you holding on to anger and resentment

There’s a massive difference between feeling comfortable with talking to your parents about any concerns you may have or information you may need and it being the subject of the family WhatsApp.

It's not harming me in the slightest. I rarely think about it but when I hear of other s having their privacy violated, it comes back to me. I was extremely careful with my own daughter in protecting her privacy and dignity. She would have been mortified if I'd announced her bra wearing or periods to anyone else.

I think its the choice of the individual woman of whatever age to choose who she discusses what with. Its not up to others to pre empt that choice.

This sounds like my late MIL, she made comments (in front of others) to my nieces and then to my DD. I also thought it was inappropriate. My DD is the youngest granddaughter so she knew what she was like. But I told her she didn't have to discuss any of that with her