I just need encouraging words.

[juicelove]

Last month my husband and I decided to separate. We have 3 month old twins and trying to co-parent the best we can. He will be moving out of state a couple hours away and I have to send our twins with him a few days out the week. I feel sick knowing my babies will not be with me everyday. I don’t know how I’m going to manage. This is so hard and I can not stop crying.

That sounds awful OP. Are you in the USA? Are there no rules about with whom the babies should spend time with?

I would have thought that at that age babies should remain with the mother in one place, and the father visits.

If they are three months and he’s the one who has chosen to move then I don’t see why you have to send them away. Is this court mandated?

Yes, we’re just trying to make sure our boys can spend time with both parents. I’ve never been away for long(to appointments, shopping etc) I’m not sure how I’ll be able to deal with my seeing my babies for days.

No this is an arrangement he wants.

That seems very unusual at 3 months. I'd expect the babies to stay with you and their dad visits until around a year.

I wouldn’t be agreeing to that if I did not have to. That would be very traumatic for tiny babies, they have no comprehension of what’s happening to them or why.
Spending time with their father will be more important later when they have some understanding of who he is and why he doesn’t live with them.
Do you have to do this?

I think you might have to let the court look at the circumstances and what's best for the children. As well as living in two homes will they also attend two childcare facilities if you both work?

This doesn't seem ok for three-month olds.

I don’t have to, but this is the only way he’ll be able to see our babies.

We have not discussed childcare. We both are working I have family who watches our babies while I’m at work.

You can’t send your 3 month old babies away for a few days a week, they need their mum. If he’s the one who moved away he will have to travel to you until they’re older.

No. He doesn't get to stipulate what he wants. It's what's best for the babies at this stage.

If he is deciding to move away, thats his decision, and his problem to come back to see his children. It's not your problem to solve.

Are you still breastfeeding?

Well it’s not about him is it? When you become a parent you’re meant to start prioritising your children. These are babies. They cannot be separated from their mother and driven hundreds of miles away every single week to placate him. I cannot fathom a single court that would agree to this. They are 3 months old FFS! You do not have to do anything. He is not in charge. Take this through the courts. He is the one moving out of state, not you.

Maybe try to sit down together and map out what a month would look like for the twins with all the logistics included. Perhaps seeing it on paper might bring you both to the conclusion that the current plan is not in their best interests.

Court would never order a mum to send 3 months old babies out of state with dad. No. Say no.

So what, though? If he can’t travel to see them, that’s a pity, obviously, but it’s far more important they’re with their mother without avoidable absences of several days.

The arrangement is not in the babies' best interests.
What would you like to happen?

He needs to travel back to see them. It’s doesn’t matter a bit what he wants. It’s what’s best for the children. This isn’t.

How easy and quick would it be for you to get legal advice? Is there a risk he'd just take them if you don't agree to it? You might need to get help fast.

I'm so sorry this is happening x

I’m not I pump and they’re bottle fed.

I want him to be in their lives. I’ve offered to meet half way and he can get the twins and spend time with them for a while. He didn’t agree to that. I would have did this Monday, Wednesday and Friday after work and my dad also agreed to help out if I could not make it. We’ve offered to have him go to my parents to spend time which also was not acceptable for him. All of the things I have suggested he does not agree to.

Your family sound supportive. Could you ask you Dad to tell him what's acceptable? Would your ex be more likely to agree then?

So now it's your turn not to agree. What he wants is unacceptable on every level.

Why does he have to move far away? Why can't he stay more local until they're a bit older?

Both my mom and dad have tried. My dad has even sat with him but it did not help. My mom does not work everyday and she’s suggesting on her off days driving all the way to him. He would be able to spend the whole day with them and she would bring them back home that same night. I have not gotten a response yet about that.