I just need encouraging words.

[juicelove]

Last month my husband and I decided to separate. We have 3 month old twins and trying to co-parent the best we can. He will be moving out of state a couple hours away and I have to send our twins with him a few days out the week. I feel sick knowing my babies will not be with me everyday. I don’t know how I’m going to manage. This is so hard and I can not stop crying.

He got a job offer in that state. Said he would not turn it down. I’ve thought about relocating to make things easier but my support system is here.

OP, with all kindness at this difficult situation, what on earth are you doing. Not sure of the full circumstances, but just no.

If he wishes to accept the job out of state, he can take the consequences, which is that he has to travel to see his children.

What is he doing for you, and his children?

I’d be having none of this, they are far too small

OP take yourself and your feelings out of this situation (as hard as that will be) and think of what is best for the children. Maybe do some reading around baby development and needs etc. You are their mother and you need to advocate for their best interests: not yours and certainly not your ex’s. Should three month old twins be taken away from their mother, the only home they have known, and their wider family for half of every week? That’s the fundamental question here. The answer to that is no. It doesn’t matter if you’re breastfeeding or not. Or if he has found a job. Or if that’s what he wants etc etc etc. You all need to prioritise the needs of the children. Not your own desires.

If he wants this arrangement, he should go to court and apply for it. It is very unlikely that the court will agree.

You don't have to keep changing the offer just because he doesn't like it.

It's not your responsibility to make sure he is completely catered too when it comes to seeing his children.

Make it his problem to solve.

You are keen to maintain a good relationship with the twins and their dad but this isn't the right thing to do. I would go to the court yourself before he tries to get the upper hand. I would trust a family court judge to make the best decision for your babies. The arrangement might be open to revision as they get older but one stage at a time.

" this" meaning the current weekly plan.

I'm sorry OP bit he doesn't sound as if he wants to be in their lives. You've offered lots of alternative ideas and he's not willing to compromise. I'd be concerned that your babies will be put through a lot of distress and you won't get your desired outcome ie that they'll have a good relationship with their father. Sounds like lose:lose for them.

I would not agree to that at all. Everything has to be in the babies' best interests not in his best interests. He has moved away so he needs to arrange to come back to visit them. It's absolutely disgusting that he wants them to disrupt their lives and leave their mother for long periods of time.

He's choosing a new job (presumably he already had one) over his children's well being and regular contact with them. I cannot imagine disrupting the routine of two babies every few days is in their best interests and that should be the main concern for both of you. I would say no to his request.