Pissed off with DGMs medalling in my home

[Tiredbut]

Feel bad writing this as DGM isn’t in the best health and is getting older. But her interfering with everything is really pissing me off and she won’t take no for an answer.

she came to stay last night at my new place that I moved into 2 months ago. First rental from being a home owner (another story) this isn’t the first visit and she’s hell bent on going on about the landlord whereas I just see it as my new home. It’s landlord this landlord that tell him this tell him that sort this do that. The property is amazing and I have no complaints. She’s never owned a home so I don’t know why she’s going on so much as if it’s groundbreaking and I have this omnipotent landlord. Pissing me off. She also keeps asking if furniture etc is mine? Which it is, and I’ve owned it all at my last home. Why she keeps going on about it I don’t know but it’s are these drawers yours? Is that mirror yours? With this concerned look on her face as if it could be taken at any moment. Just annoying and making me feel unsettled and like nothing is mine?!

ANYWAY

Since arriving last night she has:

1. stripped all my beds (that I’d just changed yesterday)

1. pointed out MINISCULE faults I.e a mark on an otherwise immaculate cream carpet, less than the size of a 5p and it’s tsk tsk someone’s obviously been doing something in here prior. Whatever will you do?

1. Pointed out that my lights in the garden are faulty and one part needs a new bulb (haven’t replaced since moving) and proceeded to rummage for tools to start unscrewing parts to replace said bulb.

1. Decided my washing machine needed a deep clean (it doesn’t) and said I should demand a new one along with a new fridge from the landlord (??!!)

1. Moved stuff around in my kitchen, pissed about with stuff and now I can’t find things

1. Decided my car needed cleaning and proceeded to “clear it out” I.e throw mail from work and returns in the bin. Second time in a month this has happened.

1. Started obsessively sweeping the (large) porch and back entrance whilst removing all doormats and furniture inside the house even though I was about to cut the grass and told her it was pointless as I will vacuum after.

1. I Went to go to bed to find her in my bedroom, bed turned down, medalling with my bed sheets and rearranging drawers. At midnight!!

1. Gave my 5 year old an iPad at 9:30pm and had said 5 year old up until midnight (I’d accidentally dozed off on the sofa at 9pm)

10. Thrown out 60 (!!!!!!) packets of crisp (big box from Costco) and a crate of beer as “she thought they were rubbish to be recycled

11. Went to our out house and started scrubbing and rearranging the utility in it. It’s literally used for storage. Then she was most put out that I didn’t have a certain cleaning product for stone sinks.

12. Used every single cloth I own (heaps) for one thing or another and put my glass cloths in dish soap so now they’ll make everywhere streaky. Not the end of the world but just SO fucking unnecessary and something else for me to undo.

i am so pissed off. I protest and protest to all these tasks and she either ignores me or goes onto the next thing that fucking inconveniences me. It’s like having another child. I feel I have to follow her around stopping her from fucking things up or making more work for me.

I wouldn’t mind as much but my home is absolutely immaculate and quite frankly looks unlived in 99% of the time. I’m very particular so maybe this is making me rage more but it feels like such an invasion.

I know she means well, but I am so exhausted when she leaves. She has my DC hyped to 100 as well as my Pets. AIBU and if not what can I do about it?

i already limit face to face contact

Opened the post expecting to see a podium.

Why does she need to stay with you? Can you send her home?

Why do you let her stay.

Some of your list is normal conversation, some isn't.

Hide your car keys so she can't clean it. Hide your house so she can't visit, or at least say she can't sleep over.

Because we won’t otherwise see her (we live rurally) and my DC miss her, as do I but I speak to her on the phone which is enough

I've just taken 5 mins wondering what medalling could possibly mean- sewing metal coins into the edges of the sheets? And just realised that you mean meddling. She sounds like a complete nightmare and you cannot possibly have her to stay again or even in your house again. So it you want to continue seeing her it will have to be out and about or at her home.

Oh I’ve tried! She just hounds me and insists. Earlier I had to physically take them out her hand and close the door. Que huffing and puffing

lol! Rage-typo in my title. Apologies!🥇🥈🥉

Oh in my OP too. Wow I’m sleep deprived and enraged excuse all the errors 🤣

Some of this behaviour is nonsensical. How old is she? Is this new behaviour or has she always been like this?

It sounds like she's trying to help or repay you for hosting her and it's just coming across wrong? What's her own place like? Is it immaculate? Could it just be that she sees dirt where you don't? She sounds unstoppable! I hope I have that much energy when I'm a grandmother to an adult old enough to rent something!

What we've found worked with MIL when she used to do this sort of thing with our first home was to redirect her onto something we didn't mind her doing for example when she tried to pull my blackberry brambles up saying they were weeds we pointed her at the dandelions growing between the concrete.

She’s 75. Extremely childish in a lot of ways but that’s a whole other thread.

very hard work in general. Caused a full blown row in a bakery with the lady on the till over being charged 25p extra etc

OP, this might be a possibility, but your gran might be showing signs of dementia. The confusion with the boxes is something similar to signs my dear nana exhibited a year or so before she went wandering at night. She seems to be confused from some of things you have said and repeating doing the same behaviour. I would talk to whichever parent is the child of your DGM and see about having her assessed.

Yes this sounds about right. Unfortunately I’ve ran out of things to repoint her to! The playroom looks like a bomb has hit it, all good fun but it’s just too much hyperactivity and zero downtime when she’s here. Also don’t like the values she tries to teach DC but again, whole other thread!

I did think this, but she’s had form forever for it.

she asked me what colour bin our recycling goes in while I was upstairs so I shouted down the colour but said leave it I’ll do it. Little did I know she was binning the weekly shop!

Glad you said this. I thought DGM was competing in some sort of sporting event !!

Oh she also decided it would be a great time to start cutting back my rose bushes!!! It’s summer! They’re blooming beautifully. My 5 year old told her I’d be very cross and came in to tell me, I walked outside to catch her with rubble sacks and garden sheers hacking away!!

I have no advice but feel your pain. I refuse to have my mum or brother in my house for longer than 15 seconds at a time.

When I purchased it on their first visit they went round the entire place pointing out all the perceived "faults". Once they'd finished I gave them their coats and showed them where the door was. They weren't invited back.

Utterly batshit the pair of them.

I’m so glad it’s not just me! Why do people think it’s okay?

the irony is, the house is absolutely stunning and nothing like anything anybody I know lives in?! Huge grounds, extremely spacious, full of character. It’s literally a renovated Manor House in fields! When I got the keys my great aunt came around and saw I hadn’t moved much furniture yet (I’d had the keys less than a day) and cried actual tears saying how hard done by I was and how she felt physically sick at the thought of me struggling.

i wish I was joking but the batshittery amongst my DGM and her siblings is another level

She sounds like someone going through the motions of things she can’t quite remember how to do. Are you sure none of this is new behaviour? Even throwing the food out?

I too was expecting something along the lines of DGM practising for the Olympic hurdling by jumping over OP's ironing board 😆

Good old autocorrect!

I know you say that your dc miss her but she isn’t actually spending much time with them if she is busy doing all of this! Can you give them some activities to do together? Building Lego or something? I think it does sound
like that there might be some
cognitive decline going on here too. Is she worse in the evening?

Tbf it does sound like OP’s gran gets a gold medal for meddling. 🥇😂

Yes I would say she’s worse in the night. She’s generally “all there” as she’s ever been but never been the sharpest tool in fairness.

she’s very racist and we often clash about that as I will pull her up every time. Homophobic, and anti-feminist. One of those people that say “well those are my thoughts it doesn’t make me racist”. Cruel to animals. Generally not a great person. Reason I’m saying this is it does seem to be getting worse, especially the harming animals. Could this be dementia related?

that alone is a lot to deal with. I’ve tried to cut her out in the past but crazy family dynamics have led to having a realtionship

I thought you were going to say you're granny is a 3-day eventer.