Pissed off with DGMs medalling in my home

[Tiredbut]

Feel bad writing this as DGM isn’t in the best health and is getting older. But her interfering with everything is really pissing me off and she won’t take no for an answer.

she came to stay last night at my new place that I moved into 2 months ago. First rental from being a home owner (another story) this isn’t the first visit and she’s hell bent on going on about the landlord whereas I just see it as my new home. It’s landlord this landlord that tell him this tell him that sort this do that. The property is amazing and I have no complaints. She’s never owned a home so I don’t know why she’s going on so much as if it’s groundbreaking and I have this omnipotent landlord. Pissing me off. She also keeps asking if furniture etc is mine? Which it is, and I’ve owned it all at my last home. Why she keeps going on about it I don’t know but it’s are these drawers yours? Is that mirror yours? With this concerned look on her face as if it could be taken at any moment. Just annoying and making me feel unsettled and like nothing is mine?!

ANYWAY

Since arriving last night she has:

1. stripped all my beds (that I’d just changed yesterday)

1. pointed out MINISCULE faults I.e a mark on an otherwise immaculate cream carpet, less than the size of a 5p and it’s tsk tsk someone’s obviously been doing something in here prior. Whatever will you do?

1. Pointed out that my lights in the garden are faulty and one part needs a new bulb (haven’t replaced since moving) and proceeded to rummage for tools to start unscrewing parts to replace said bulb.

1. Decided my washing machine needed a deep clean (it doesn’t) and said I should demand a new one along with a new fridge from the landlord (??!!)

1. Moved stuff around in my kitchen, pissed about with stuff and now I can’t find things

1. Decided my car needed cleaning and proceeded to “clear it out” I.e throw mail from work and returns in the bin. Second time in a month this has happened.

1. Started obsessively sweeping the (large) porch and back entrance whilst removing all doormats and furniture inside the house even though I was about to cut the grass and told her it was pointless as I will vacuum after.

1. I Went to go to bed to find her in my bedroom, bed turned down, medalling with my bed sheets and rearranging drawers. At midnight!!

1. Gave my 5 year old an iPad at 9:30pm and had said 5 year old up until midnight (I’d accidentally dozed off on the sofa at 9pm)

10. Thrown out 60 (!!!!!!) packets of crisp (big box from Costco) and a crate of beer as “she thought they were rubbish to be recycled

11. Went to our out house and started scrubbing and rearranging the utility in it. It’s literally used for storage. Then she was most put out that I didn’t have a certain cleaning product for stone sinks.

12. Used every single cloth I own (heaps) for one thing or another and put my glass cloths in dish soap so now they’ll make everywhere streaky. Not the end of the world but just SO fucking unnecessary and something else for me to undo.

i am so pissed off. I protest and protest to all these tasks and she either ignores me or goes onto the next thing that fucking inconveniences me. It’s like having another child. I feel I have to follow her around stopping her from fucking things up or making more work for me.

I wouldn’t mind as much but my home is absolutely immaculate and quite frankly looks unlived in 99% of the time. I’m very particular so maybe this is making me rage more but it feels like such an invasion.

I know she means well, but I am so exhausted when she leaves. She has my DC hyped to 100 as well as my Pets. AIBU and if not what can I do about it?

i already limit face to face contact

PS: just bring her round the back and shoot her.

JFC she sounds like one of Raold Dahl's characters. I'm thinking of the Granny in George's Marvellous Medicine. She sounds utterly unbearable. You definitely need to put your foot down and ban her from your home. The batshit craziness and destruction of your property is bad enough but the racism and homophobia are totally unacceptable.

I feel your pain, my grandmother is very similar.

Somebody was going to, sorry. Your DGM sounds intolerable.

It's the only way you'll ever put a stop to it though. Physically block her, take the stuff out of her hand, if she's put something that isn't rubbish in the bin insist she goes and gets it out. Let her huff and puff all she wants, and don't budge. Every single time, until it sticks.

It feels painful to read, the destruction would make me very upset. It is probably difficult with relatives but I would want the money for the destroyed food back.

I agree with the others that something is going on, something like cognitive decline or dementia, but even if she was always like this: behind the "childish" behaviour seems to be a destructive streak that is bringing her glee. That's why "no" isn't working and some people can be very convincing in their determination.

And since she is your relative and elder it's hard to to stop that (I've experience with similar events, and in retrospect I wouldn't have waited to so long to stop and keep them out.)

Is the stress and the cost and the destruction worth the invite? Realistically, any other visitor who would do the same would probably have received a different reaction from you.

Can you find alternative places to meet her outside of your home, or go visit her instead, if you want to keep up the connection for your child/children?

Has she left now? That would honestly do my head in and I would never want her to visit again. If I were you I would only meet with her in public spaces and for a limited time.

Why are you inviting her around and in particular why allow her to stay over? If thishad happened to me it would be the last time she came in the house. If she's not there she can't interfere.

Me too!

She is unbearable but I admire her energy levels.

What is she doing to animals? Throwing out food with the excuse of that she thought it was recycling is bizarre.
She sounds either very controlling and jealous or passive aggressive as she’s trying to say that she thinks you are inadequate. You certainly aren’t OP! Undermining you with your DC is wrong too. Pack her stuff up and ask her to leave, don’t give her a set of spare keys either.
I can’t believe she’s been going into your drawers either, that is so intrusive. I wouldn’t dare do that to anyone.

Honestly I wouldn't invite her again. It just isn't worth the stress.